What would be your reasons for maintaining a relationship with someone, if you wouldn’t want your child to date someone similar?

[caring__1]

[smashleyy]

I wouldn’t. Too many psychological reasons. People always say kids are sponges and soak up everything but I think we underestimate the depth that goes. Your actions as a parent teach your kids more than words ever will. They observe and on a subconscious level they learn. How do you handle stress? Do you spiral, avoid till last minute, run to a bottle or substance to soothe, or handle it in a healthy timely manner. Chances are high your child is going to handle situations similar to how you did cause that’s the only behaviour that was modelled to them while their brains/emotional intelligence was developing. romantic partners as a parent also matters. It’s not a coincidence children who witnessed dysfunctional relationships go on to be in their not so healthy dynamics as adults. Red flags can’t be red if it’s the only behaviour you’ve ever known

[qqqqq0000]

Lack of self respect, unhealthy attachment, low self esteem, codependency, being weak and afraid of leaving

[caring__1]

Then the object is to work on oneself rather than complicate your life and the lives of everyone else involved. It's always advantageous to work through our own issues before opening ourselves up to getting involved in a relationship.

[mitchi]

Honestly I think staying single is the way to go, from my experiences women don’t respect you or your boundaries but expect royal treatment and not step foot out of their boundaries, if I had kids I’d teach them to never settle for the sole reason of not being alone

[Hello4242]

What do you consider to be “royal” treatment? What were they expecting you to do?

[aquamarine321]

We date someone either for short term or long term, plus most relationships we enter nowadays are short term that’s what we’re use to anyways relationship hopping from one to another

[Yunakim]

The only explanation that fits here is , that no matter how bad the SO is you are attached and unable to let go , even after the fact very well that you would never allow a similar persinality near your kid.

[caring__1]

Would you continue eating a rotten meal at a restaurant, just because you committed to it by ordering it? By staying with your SO, you're teaching your kids that this is what they can expect from a relationship. By staying, you are showing disrespect for yourself, so how can you expect your kids to respect someone who doesn't show self respect?

Let's say your dad smokes cigarettes, and you've always told him the habit is disgusting. Later on, you may feel stressed or anxious and remember your dad always seemed to relax when he smoked his cigarettes. Though you may still see cigarettes as disgusting, you may start viewing them as functional and start smoking yourself.

[Yunakim]

Hey listen , i understand why you are comparing a human being with these sort of things which have a bad effect as well as a functional effect but however it's important to remember that I am not pointing out that it's really bad and worst idea to be with someone who is not good to you, you know it's always about improvements okay so in life no matter where you are at, you can always make improvement , it's all comes down to one point and thats the persons willinglyness to change or maybe become better for the person they are with or maybe for that significant other's benefit, I am not saying that you made the wrong choice by being together with them I'm just saying that it might be hurtful right now and that's what it all is. If you both become better Together by being together, thats all that matters. But one thing to remember is gonna be that it was all your decision from the start to the very ending , no matter if you are feeling wronged or better it was all your choice. So don't think our opininons as a line over rocks that can't be erased but think by your ownself. What is your opinion. Do you really want this? Thats all i gotta say. All the best.

[caring__1]

The primary reason conjoint psychotherapy fails is people generally are more focused on the changes they expect their partner to make than the changes they can make. Yes, we can change and grow, but it must be our priority, not something pushed on us by others. When it's presented as an expectation and obligation, people only become more resistant to change. We can change, and possibly become a role model for the other person, but never attach conditions to any change we make. If other people don't choose to change, then accept them as they are. If who they are doesn't work for you, then set them free to find someone who truly appreciates them as they are and then find someone you can truly appreciate as is.

[Yunakim]

I Agree to you. You have to let go whats not yours.

[catarecute]

lack of options. i think as soon as i have a kid i won't care about men anymore. they really are full of shit.

[caring__1]

Artificial insemination may make more sense to you, so you don't lead anyone on or have to deal with complications after you dump the guy.

[catarecute]

i would find a man who will get me pregnant then dump me. honestly they are not hard to find. they are everywhere.

[catarecute]

i might even get a free kebab and can of coke rather than save £3000 for the exact same thing.

[caring__1]

Never believe the free kebab and can of coke balances out the potential of complications in the future... if he decides he wants to be a part of your child's life and start telling you what you should or shouldn't do.

[catarecute]

he can't tell me what to do. if he wants to be part of the child's life good. honestly i was just making a joke to show you my honest opinion about men. to me they are seriously problematic. i want kids but men are harder to look after than kids and more entitled.

[caring__1]

He can tell you whatever he wants to tell you, just like everyone else, but that's not saying you have to listen. Are you saying only guys feel entitled? Read this post: What should I do to get a man to spend money on me I’m tired of being broke and wasting my heart on cheap guys? ↗

[love_conquers_lust]

What the fuck kind of men are you attracted to? Are you just a man hater?

[catarecute]

yea well i will prioritise my kid when i have one honestly if i didn't have to get a man to have a kid i would never date again. i think its the case for most women they just won't tell you this. why do you think so many "average looking"men are single dads. the women dated them had their kids then left to enjoy her life with hot men. i am not saying i will do this but thats what most women do tbh.

[love_conquers_lust]

That the message you want to send kids? Your father is a sperm dispenser? That any better than being called a babymaker? You going to tell your son his wife will leave him with a pity child? You think your son will like being called a pity child or that he’s doomed to be full of shit?

Seems to me you’re fulfilling your own prophecy.

[catarecute]

@love_conquers_lust i dont have to send my kids any message. they will figure it out by themselves when they eventually reach adulthood. please dont be so naive. look around you and tell me how many nice (trully nice) men do you see. the answer is none.

[love_conquers_lust]

I stand strong in the face of such wicked messages. Your feet do the talking. That’s the message I’ve learned. I don’t give shit what other men do. I decide my own fate and walk my own path.

[catarecute]

@love_conquers_lust
you are saying that stuff now but if a "ugly" girl walk to you tomorrow and told you she loved you and wanted to live her whole life with you and make you happy. you would probably reject her for her ugliness then make her look like a freak stalker and might even go as far as trying to get her locked up.

please don't make it look like men are nice. i am not dumb enough to fall for this anymore

[love_conquers_lust]

Does she know how to make me happy? What right does she have to my attention? What entitlement is owed her? When I give a starving man a sandwich, am I entitled to a gratitude? For example, in my experience, overweight girls have been uglier on the inside than outside. They’d been exposed to ugly things and instead of standing strong resisting it, they internalized and let it destroy them. I will reject such weakness. But I’m not without a heart. They deserve the opportunity to improve and find happiness for themselves. Once they find it, who will be able to take it from them? Who will be able to tear them down when they put faith in themselves and not in the fate of others?

Welcome to manhood.

You question my judgment. I once made out with a girl who had an ugly face with a rocking body. I’m an ass guy and when I closed my eyes, I felt her confidence. She exuded it. It couldn’t be ignored. You call guys shallow, fine. But there’s a certain amount of tolerance in a guy who indiscriminately follows his dick and fucks anything and everything with two legs and a heartbeat. I don’t agree with those men’s choices, but I do understand them.

[catarecute]

@love_conquers_lust the fact that their is someone is the world who loves you enough to want to make you happy and care about you and that you would be willing to reject that shows that you are completely entitled. please don't claim that men are nice anymore after that comment.
when dont understand or appreciate true love. they are superficial and just wee a pretty face they can fuck and kiss. i used to feel really hurt when men called me ugly but now i feel nothing because i know they are so shallow that i could put a pretty dress on and a bit of makup the next day and they would change their mind completely. sometime i honestly feel like they are not human.

[love_conquers_lust]

Oh, you mean you put forth effort? You mean you took it upon yourself to change? You were empowered to do so?

I don’t know that there is someone out there that loves me, I can only hope and pray until that happens. That’s the risk I take with every woman I reject. I may die alone because of it. In which case, I’ll only have myself to blame. I can’t exercise judgement if I can’t reject. I can’t have freedom if I’m being controlled.

I’d say you count yourself lucky there’s a swinging, raging cock and balls between my legs screaming “Who gives a shit, literally fuck this girl, let’s get it.”. Am I ruled by my dick? What if I’m in a relationship? Do I listen? Do I obey?

[provokeesmokee]

You are not your child, and they won't necessarily follow in your footsteps.

But if they're bad for your kid, you ought to leave em.

[jojoiwiwbwjo]

Maybe they match you hut not whatever kid comes out of your relationship.

[exitseven]

I dated somebody who I would not want for my sons. It was pretty messed up.

[Strawberrylemonade]

Anyome I have dated my if I had a child I would be ok with that. But in the off chance maybe because of my attachment issues.

[caring__1]

Let's say I have a reflexive action that causes me to punch people in the nose every time I hear them mention the word "happy." I could say this is out of my control, and they should just accept my pattern without taking it personally. How functional do you believe that would be in a relationship? Always address and resolve your own personal issues before involving others in your life.

[Strawberrylemonade]

This is a valid point

[shades777]

thats a weird question, fo you date based on what others date, and your not exactly a role model either so why involve your child ibto your love life?

[inhua]

attraction is biological. not political

[Charliefretz329]

That’s a great and kind provoking point!!!

[Lady_Heart]

Respect and caring