Does it sound like he was guilt tripping me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend was going to a friend's and my original plan was to stat behind. I have nothing against the friend. I've met him and he's very nice as is his wife and their kids are just darling. They're a really nice family. I just wanted to sit this visit out to catch up on some of my own things and to allow him to have some time for just him and his friend.

When my boyfriend initially asked if I'd like to go with him, I said no. He was like oh... ok then. Then the whole rest of the day, he kept asking me if I was SURE I didn't want to go with him and kept saying how I was more than welcome to, I wouldn't be intruding, etc. He kept asking, so I finally just said ok, I'll go with you.

I just hung out with the friend's wife and kids mostly and didn't join my boyfriend and his friend directly. He initially told me I could just hang out with him and his friend. I wanted to have space away for him to do his own thing and I also wanted to get to know the wife more and give her some company too. It felt rude to just ditch her inside with the kids and go hang out with the guys instead. She seemed to appreciate that a lot.

Would you say that my boyfriend was indeed trying to pressure or guilt me into going? I did have a good time with the wife and kids, but I was a little annoyed too since I had originally said no, but felt like he'd be upset if I didn't go since he kept asking if I was sure I wanted to stay behind.

Opinions on his motives? How can I better handle this type of situation in the future and gently stick to my guns without upsetting him?

[Anonymous]

I think you did the right and mature thing. Your boyfriend probably just wanted you to hang out with him and his friend which is also sweet. He wanted to include you even when he’s hanging out with his mates. I don’t think he was necessarily guilt tripping you, he just seemed like he realllyyy wanted you to tag along.

I think the next time you should just tell him that you appreciate the invite but you really just want to lay low to recharge (you’ll go with him the next time around), tell him that he should enjoy some guy time with just his buddies, maybe offer to pay for the first round of drinks or something.

[slatyb]

I think you need to work on your communication as a couple. You told him and he continued to ask. It doesn't sound like either of you were completely honest about what you wanted.

[Asker]

Well I told him what I had wanted to do and why I planned to sit that visit out. But then when he kept asking over and over, I felt bad for saying no and just decided to go ahead and go with him instead.

[slatyb]

"But then when he kept asking OVER AND OVER..." "I felt bad..." That's a communication problem. If it was important to him, he should said that, and said why. Then he wouldn't have to badger you and you wouldn't have to feel bad about declining.