My girlfriend says she cares a lot about me but her heart is not ready for a relationship. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I cheated on my girlfriend of 3 years and i regret it so much.

I feel guilty all the time and i even went clean to tell her what happened. I've tried to do better, to be a better person and not mess up again. But she told me her heart isn't ready for a relationship so she suggested we be best friends and take it from there. And also she wants to study me for a while if i really meant what i said. Its been a month now, I've been doing so good and by first forgiving myself.

The fact that she said her heart isn't ready for a relationship scares me and makes me feel guilty more. I don't know how to help😣

[RedInnocent68]

Yeah, you kinda fucked that up. Coming clean doesn’t win you any points from her because it’s a selfish act where you’re seeking her validation. That she hadn’t ghosted you altogether is as good as you’re going to get for now. If you’re serious, keep at it and she may come around, eventually. But fawning over her to win her back is only part of the problem. You need to be introspective and understand your own why , and why not again, or it won’t matter much. You might even find it was something intrinsic you were lacking, other than you were just stupid, in which case you might decide to not stay or at least give her space to decide if you’re worth it to her.

[Anonymous]

You can’t help. You can’t help her be ready for a relationship, especially after such a great breach of trust. Think of this situation like addiction recovery. One month is not enough time to prove you’re doing good, and it’s certainly not enough time for her to forgive and forget what happened. It may take months or even years for her to truly trust you again, that is if she even makes that decision in the first place.

In the end, it sounds like this was just a kind way of breaking up with you.

[minervaMJ]

she said she cares about you so it sounds very simple, dont overcomplicate it at this point. you really do care about her and you made a mistake, its going to be very hard for her to go through that if you put yourself in her shoes, give it time. in a matter of 2 months its going to get so much better -for you and for her

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this, you have no idea how it gives me hope

[minervaMJ]

stay genuine and everything will turn out for the better