How do you deal with remembering things you wish you would not?

[libsaretards]

Sorry for the lengthy detail. It kind of is me ranting, so feel free to just answer the question at face value. I genuinely want to hear answers, but also wanted to get this off my chest.

I have been thinking a lot of my ex from high school. She was my first true love and I hers. It wasn't one of those kid loves that one thinks is love. We genuinely were there for each other in very trying times.

But this is the same ex that was weak-minded enough to let her stepdad convince her I was a thug for defending myself from bullying.

I am much older now. Most of the time I am fine and have accepted the loss. However, occasionally something takes me back to that time and I cannot help but think what I could have done better with the knowledge I now have.

To put into perspective how much I loved her, I only had one other girlfriend after her. That was while I was in the military and ended in 2014. I've been single since. The being single has nothing to do with missing my ex, but it does seem to make me think of her when I am not busy. But I know there is nothing left.

Until today, I managed to go 2 years without reminiscing. However, the song we considered "our" song played randomly at a grocery store. You know how it kind of makes you feel old when songs from your childhood plays at a grocery store. It took me back instantly to every feelings I ever had during and immediately after the relationship.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, I feel you on that. Breakups from your first serious love can really mess with your head, even years later. It's totally normal to have those moments where a song or memory suddenly takes you back there.

The thing is, reminiscing about the past isn't going to change anything or make you feel better in the long run. Easier said than done, I know, but try to forgive yourself for any "mistakes" and let go of replay scenarios about what you could have done differently. You were just a kid then.

When those memories come up, acknowledge the feelings but then consciously shift your mindset. Think about how far you've come since and all you've learned. Appreciate her for the role she played at the time without lingering on "what ifs."

It also helps having people around you now. Throw yourself into your hobbies, spend time with the boys, put yourself out there to meet someone new when you're ready. Keep moving forward instead of backward. You'll start looking back less and less as you make more new memories. Stay strong dude!

[Sonorous]

I tend to prefer ways of finding how to be okay with the memories so that when I think about them, I don't experience severe negative emotion.

[IslaTheWitch]

Let yourself feel it, and go through it. The emotions you try to hide because they are painful will grow with time. They will be bigger and bigger and, with time, start to mess with your other reactions.

So, let yourself mourn your loss. Let yourself feel sadness. Listen to your songs and let the emotions flow.

If it's unbearable, ask a professional for help. They are there for you, so don't hesitate.

[exitseven]

I live close to where I was brought up and I sometimes find myself someplace where I went with a former girlfriend and I sometimes think of them. I try to be happy with the memories and not think about the bad parts of the relationships.

[NathanDavis]

therapy might be a good option

[Yannae]

Acceptance.