Looks fade, and bodies deteriorate. But a great personality endures time. Her laughter today will be her same laughter after 20 years. So, is this what you want as your main must have?
There is generally some type of physical attraction to hold our interest over time, but it has nothing to do with being perfect. After all, it's not what we have but how we use what we have that makes it special. I'm sure you've passed on opportunities in the past. It's the combination of factors that hold a relationship together.
Though we all have preferences, being flexible raises our odds of finding a partner and maintaining a long-term relationship. Though we might notice our physical preference, that attraction can disappear quickly when we see behaviors that are incompatible with how we see ourselves.
Also, what's hot to one may be disgusting to another. They key is to make the most of what we have to offer rather than attempt to be something we're not. The effort put forth to keep ourselves healthy and fit is generally more important than the results. That's showing we care rather than feel entitled. I won't intentionally seek out someone who is completely opposite my ideal, but I don't expect any senior woman to be as firm and taught as a teenager. That doesn't prevent her from being as loving as a teenager.
Let me ask you this - you have been around awhile. How did your choices work out for you? Did you go for looks or the person behind the eyeballs? Did it last or falter? Usually men go with looks and sex. They don't really get to know the inner soul. That is why 75% of relationships fail.
Unfortunately, the first thing we tend to notice about a person is how they look. We need something to draw our attention before we can actually get to know the person. We then associate particular looks to past experiences. In other words, if a redhead was kind to you in the past, you'll probably find yourself drawn to redheads. I'm not saying this makes sense; it's just what most of us tend to do.
The main reason past relationships based on my ideal physical preference haven't worked, is my ideal type is not what society promotes as ideal, so many women who have the look I admire feel flawed and insecure. It's no fun being in a relationship with an insecure person.
I've learned that I'm more likely to appreciate the results when I am flexible rather than rigid, but I'm still flexible within a range, not necessarily jumping to the opposite extreme. Relationships based primarily on physical characteristics generally fail when we discover the other more important aspects we've associated with that look don't exist in this person. This often leads us to feel bitter and resentful, and we may project that bitterness and resentment on future, unrelated relationships.
The inner essence of a person is generally not freely exposed to the public, so that would be the significant icing on the cake, not what attracted us in the first place. It would be great if that inner essence were as obvious from the start as the person's physical appearance, but that's not reality. Our society focuses on and promotes physical appearance, not personality, so that's what most people prioritize for themselves. Sometimes we do so in a manner that actually draws attention to those areas we have overlooked. An example would be someone who focuses significantly more time and effort on covering up their lack of self care by prioritizing fancy hair, nails, makeup and clothing.
It's the total package that feeds a healthy relationship, not one specific aspect. Showing a legitimate effort to address what we know our partner appreciates about us is a significant sign of commitment in a relationship. Find out what your partner appreciate; don't just assume what you choose to do is what your partner values. Though you may assume your partner appreciates you keeping a spotless home, you may discover your partner would prefer spending more quality time with you.
Good points. 👍🏼
@dubiousintentions
Actually women initiate far more divorces than men do.
@BoopBoopBeep Maybe that is because more men cheat than women. Also, man may not initiate a divorce because he knows he may lose a lot financially.
Ashley Madison user stats say men and women cheat at nearly the same rate, actually.
For a detailed look:
techreport.com/statistics/cheating-statistics/
When I met my wife I was 6' tall, 210lbs and reasonably toned. In the last 20 years I've reached 6'1" thanks to a prosthetic leg, I have a strange walk because I lost the big toe on my remaining foot, I've developed a spinal curve that makes it look like my gut is huge, I have 38% kidney function and insulin dependent diabetes.
Physically I'm not exactly what she married.
The level of hypocrisy I'd need to tell her that her body isn't what it was would require an immediate divorce on the grounds of terminal stupidity, and her getting permanent custody of my testicles in a jar.
Looks don't just change over time. They can change in a heartbeat. The split second it takes the drunk driver to mount the kerb can take away your legs. The psychopath with the jar of acid can take your looks.
I had a friend went into a pub in England and a guy he'd never met smashed a glass across his face. Thankfully they saved his eye as he's a Royal Navy Pilot but the scar can't be hidden.
Looks, body, none of it matters if the person inside is ugly.
Sooo true!
guys who want kids, pick their wives my body and look,
guys who dont want kids want personality
@kelly6
this is true
I would think that would be reversed. After you have kids your body mostly goes to pot. Someone who doesn't have kids will usually retain their more fit body.
Boys wants looks, men seek out personality.
Opinion
44Opinion
Personality and character are much more important than looks. Now, she can't be butt ugly and/or obese, but there is no requirement that she be "hot".
I need to find her sexually attractive because I'd be giving up my sexual exclusivity to her. So if I am going to be sexually faithful I want to be able to enjoy the sex. That doesn't require a model or anything, there are plenty of girls I find attractive so i'd be walking past hundreds of girls that fit the criteria in the span of 5 minutes on a crowded train station.
So I think I'm pretty reasonable on that front, its actually the personality part I struggle with most. Finding a pretty girl isn't difficult if you take my scenario above. I could try to approach 10 a day and probably find one within a few weeks / months given the statistical chances. The problem is that my type doesn't reveal it on the outside, I seek an uplifting chatty girl who is more on the geeky side and loves deep conversations and enjoys me being passionate about my own hobby's as well as sharing her own. You can't tell that from looks since for girls that doesn't appear to be a mainstream interest, neither is she as likely to align with me on my idea's and value's.
Ultimately I seek the girl with the great personality and will pick her over prettier girls, but she does need to be sexually attractive to me.
m I don't even believe in the concept of perfection, no...
certainly NOT in the concept that there is ONE perfect body and the rest are not.. that would be delusional from me to think
smart, interesting and funny are the only "MUST" for me... everything else might vary and while it is still important to a point, yes... it is still secondary
good, great and hot bodies and looks do come in many different ways, that's also for sure...
for example, even just a kiss can be the most amazing thing ever at the moment, because you're into someone and into that kiss at the moment, and a few other things than just how people "look"
I find it irritating that in these days of 'emancipation' and 'equality' there are so many women (still) left who see a 'need' of being married.
Of COURSE I want my lady to be hot. If she's got brains and character, this would be a plus; no question.
And guess what: they do exist.
Whoever doesn't make it... will have to try harder. But don't make it an excuse that ''men are shallow''
We aren't. We just seek the max that we can get. So do ''you girls''.
Quid pro quo :)
If I talk about myself, obviously it feels better to be with a woman with a great and sexy body. But it's not a need necessarily.
Need is a woman with whom you connect at every level and whom you cherish.
Men in general go after women with sexy figures. Luckily many even connect with them for marriage.
The perfect woman doesn't exist. Lets get realistic. Looks can only carry a relationship so far. If there is no real connection then the relationship will falter and end. In the end it is up to everyone to decide for themselves what is it they are looking for.
I've dated vapid models and mid looking women with great personalities. The former outlasted their value-added by breakfast and the latter became good friends.
You don't have to be a super model for me to marry you but you have to take care of yourself. I lead an active life, anyone at my side would have to be able to do the same. If we can't/don't share any of my interests then I'll look for someone who does.
Great personality if I have to choose between the two, but I do need for there to be attraction to their appearance. Often someone's personality can elevate their looks, but there does need to be an attraction already there.
Personality is key and keeps you through the door, yes. But let's be honest, we gotta find you somewhat attractive. Do you have to be Victoria's secret model level beautiful? No. But at least somewhat attractive. But that's just to get through the door. Personality keeps you there.
personality any day.
People tend to forget that as we grow older your body changes, both men & women, toss out a couple of kids and that can add to it form some as well.
your personality probably doesn't change all that much, at least that is what I have found over the years.
I'm living with her mind, soul and heart, not with her tits, pussy and ass... those are changing, same as a man's.. from 6 pack he can easily shift on to Dad's Bod.🤷♂️
I don't have a perfect body so I'm not expecting that. Just as long as she's not fatter than me and doesn't have a face like a bulldog.
Ouch! 😥🤧
I want to marry a woman who has a good heart, not based on the beauty and the body size and all.
Good heart and personality is good.
https://youtu.be/h_3hpurVhL8?si=0v82IVbBrzD8iWzF
she just has to be cute to me. this could take many forms. with my dad bod it would be unfair to expect a perfect body lol
She doesn’t have to have an absolute “perfect body” but her health is still important. The personality is more important though. Because that falls in line with her maturity and mindset
I've learned over time that I'm awesome, and I've got a great career, so I want it all. Patience, loyalty, and a sense of humor would be nice also.
I know, you create sparks everywhere you go and girls are electrified by your presence. 💡⚡⚡🤩
@Daniela1982 Well done. lol
Gotta be attracted when I see her. That’s not wanting perfection. But it’s a minimal requirement that I see her that way. Obv the personality matters more and a bad one can crush the best looking
A good body is often a manifestation of a good personality.
There is no perfect woman or man.
No requirements to be hot, I don't like model like women anyway, Just a average girl will do me, must have a good personality and character. I just don't women who are fat or skinny.
There are plenty of women with a hot body and a great personality. There are also women with a terrible personality and a not great body. Personality is not linked in any way to body
No one said it was. The question was, which one do you want?
The personality. There are literally millions of beautiful women out there. Finding someone you mesh with that enjoys spending time with you and gets you as a person is way more important.
Men needs both. She doesn’t need to be a super model version of Mother Teresa, but men need to attracted to both her body and personality to make a relationship work.
Personally I have found that good looks+no personality = not good looks +personality
while good looks +personality>()
Looks change over time, what someone starts with is not what they finish with. I prefer personally. How is yours?
perfection includes a great personality. so hot bod or personality? i need both which is why i'm happily single4life
A decent body is plenty enough. Personality matters much more.
I've always wanted a woman who had a great personality and I found her
What women don't understand these days is your body doesn't need to be perfect. We just want you to not be fat.
an amazing sense of humor that can laugh at dark humor
I've always gone for personality, with the caveat that she has to meet minimum standards of eye-friendliness.
I never wanted a perfect body woman. I want someone with average to slightly above average looks and great personality.
To paraphrase, "Pretty Runs Out." Outer beauty fades. Inner beauty doesn't.
Well she needs to have a healthy body if she wants to be around awhile with me so she can stay slim at least and have a good personality
Do you stay slim for her?
Of course but I don’t have anyone right now but was married years ago and was never overweight but her weight fluctuates as with most women but she was never fat either. I’m still in good shape probably because of my job being physically with lots of walking
Trick question? Personality always comes first 🙂
Like mix of both but personally personality is everything
Woman with attractive body and attractive personality.
I surely want the personality miss dubious
give me a fun girl all day
I require both! And fortunately I found her.
Your description answers the question
But that is just my interpretation. You surely have your own.
That was the "Worst" answer. 🤣😄
Personality is priority
I just like thin with big boobs.
Both.
Personality
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