Should I hold on or let go?

[YourSong]

My boyfriend (29) and I (27) were dating for almost 4 years. We lived together in a rental for 3 years. We talked about buying a house and had multiple house viewing. After 6 months one of our offers on a house was accepted. The day before we had to sign the contract he said he can’t do it because he needs to live on his own first. He feels like he missed out on that experience because he went to live with me right out of college. He says he hates himself for it and is embarrassed but it’s just something he needs to do. He found a rental for a year and is planning to move in next week. He says he still loves me and hopes we can be together again after he found himself. Also that he was planning on proposing to me next year but this is just something he has to do. Should I stay around or leave him?

Hold on, see were it takes you

Wait a couple of months

Let him go

[ChicoFromThe305]

That all depends how you feel about it, how long does he plan on living alone? are you alright with him doing so? Do you think this type of unpredictable behavior can be effective to your marriage in the future? Are you willing to just throw this away and try starting a fresh relationship with someone else? Can you persuade him to continue with the original plan? Honestly moving in with a chick right afyer college sounds like a damn flex to me, I don't understand why he's teippin.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Trippin*

[YourSong]

He says it’s only going to be a year. I’m not alright with it, I just feel betrayed tbh.
I think you make a right point that this unpredictable behaviour can be effective to our marriage. I’m honestly so shocked, he never said that he had any doubts of us buying a house together.
His mind is set, I thought I could change it but he says he feels a stribg urge to do it and he might regret not doing it in the future.
I don’t understand the sudden change of heart either

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds more like a sudden urge to fuck his relationship up if you ask me lmao

And yea I thought that might be something worth thinking about, if he did it with this then he can make it with other decisions for example y'all can settle on having children and then he changes his mind or who knows maybe even change his mind on the marriage a year from now, he's now telling you he will marry you for sure, like he said he was going to move in with you and then a year later he changes his mind, a lot can happen within a year and all he needs is to run into another woman and boom he decides to throw you away, he put this intrusive thought of having to live alone first over you and that sounds like a form of betrayal in my book as Well, sorry this happened to you.

[YourSong]

Thank you, this is very eye opening

[ChicoFromThe305]

Best of luck 💯

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

If he did that now, what will he do when he enters the real world. I personally think it is time to say goodbye. It seems like everything center around the poor boy. Now is the time to cut the cord and leave and God forbid you get pregnant by this man child you really will be stuck between a rock and a man child?

[Anonymous]

He should’ve done that earlier in the relationship and way before the 4 year mark… I get some people do really need to let things out of their system first before they can fully commit and settle down but not right before you guys have decided on a big commitment (signing a new contract). In one hand, I think it’s good that he’s decided to do this before you guys get engaged but I think you should also take the time to find yourself. Don’t wanna have FOMO later down the line.

[YourSong]

Exactly, I feel like he should had said something about that way earlier.
You’re right I should also take that time to find myself

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I don’t think you should wait for him but rather just focus on yourself. If the time is right and you’re open to trying with him again after this self discovery journey then hey by all means, that’s a decision that you’ll have to make in the future. But for now, just focus on you ✨

[YourSong]

Thank you, I will❤️

[SphynxUK]

He doesn’t want to settle down now that he’s tried it for 4 years….
He was comfortable with the situation…. intimacy, meals, shared bills, and he should have told you sooner.
Do not wait for him. Live your life and see where it takes you. You aren’t there as a booty call when he feels like it, nor are you there as a back up if things don’t go to plan for him. He had his chance.

[DarkWinterNights]

Absolutely not. Holding on will only hurt you worse in the long run. People who need to “find themselves” don’t know what they want and usually never will. They either never settle down or they do “settle” and make their partner feel like crap. This sounds like it’s more about him wanting to date around and see what else is out there instead of committing to the girl who has been by his side this whole time. That’s not a mature mindset and you have no responsibility to stick around and hope he comes around.


I’m sorry, I hate recommending people to bail out of relationships. Especially as someone who’s single myself. But I’ve seen it over and over and over again. People with extreme fetishes, people who want to open up the relationship, people who serially cheat, people who want to “take a break” and find themselves and people who are abusive are not salvageable relationships. And it’s better to cut your losses now.

[YourSong]

I’m slowly starting to think also that it will only hurt worse in the long run too

[DarkWinterNights]

Sure, and you’ll likely get more and more resentful of him.
Ask yourself this, if you found the perfect guy- would your first instinct be to tell him to wait around for you for a year while you ran off?

[YourSong]

No, good point

[boy_with_panties]

He's acting like a really bad boyfriend. He could say anything BEFORE you looked at houses and planned to get married.

Let him go. Live your life and try to not think of him ❤️

[YourSong]

I’ll try thank you

[boy_with_panties]

Wish you luck <3

[appleadayisgood]

in the end you only know what is right for you follow your heart.

[YourSong]

You’re right

[appleadayisgood]

thank you

[Surely]

I wouldn’t sit around waiting on him to come back to you. If someone interesting comes along. See where it goes. You will never get that year of your life back waiting on him to find himself.

[Anonymous]

He out her trying to get other pussy. Before he settles down with one pussy for life.. that’s the translation. You can stick around but you would be a fool for it.

[eagle1951]

lets him go, he wants to fool around

[YourSong]

Why would he wait 4 years tho?

[eagle1951]

maybe he hasn't