Why I have such a huge crush on another girl while I absolutely love my wife?

Question

I love my wife so much but I have got such a huge crush on my colleague. Her smile sends me to another world. How is this possible that you love someone so much yet you want another person as well?

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

One can be a happily and faithfully married man. You can also see some amazingly beautiful women, think they are pretty, and pleasing to the eye, but also recognize you have zero feelings for them. It’s an admiration of beauty. It’s like going to to a museum - I can like the art on the walls but I’m sure not trying to buy it. Heck, there is an entire industry built around the admiration of beautiful women. In and of itself there is nothing wrong with that. My own wife and teenage kids know my ‘type’ and will even tease me about it.

This is more than that though. A crush kind of implies feelings or a fascination with them. Now your trading smiles? Probably thinking about her all the time now? Changing your route to maximize the ‘chance’ encounter. The road to infidelity is often paved with a hundred small, and on their merits alone, seemingly harmless acts & decisions. It’s that last final step that tips the scales and then shifts the entire journey to that point in a whole different light.

Be careful man. You’re playing with fire. Just slow down your interactions with this woman and recognize your marriage is built on equal parts trust & respect.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Because you're being stupid?

If you never did drugs and didn't want to.. would you rub cocaine on your lips & claim it's harmless fun? You should have some self control. Especially if you expect your wife not to get hot for the dudes she's around when you aren't there.

There is nothing good that's going to come from you getting off on this other woman's smile. You are intentionally playing with fire. I suspect that people who play with fire do so because they don't really value what they already have. Some part of them thinks the risk of destroying what they have is worth it.

Trust is important in a relationship. Try to imagine the damage that would be done to your wife's trust in you if she ever found out that you're getting into it with this other woman. And before you say you haven't done anything, that's the road you're getting on like in my cocaine example. Also realize that your co-worker can lie. You don't really know her well enough to say she'd never lie. Any random day she could decide to go to HR and say you groped her or said something sexual. Ain't nobody going to believe your side of the story if you've been spending 2 hours/day flirting with this chick.

Altheavas · Accepted Answer

You’re human, you’re not perfect. You’re not a supper human either, no one can’t ever say they don’t ever get tempted or don’t get contradicted desires. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean all your feelings end.
It’s okay I would say, you made a commitment to your wife already, if you still love your wife, then you should be willing to do what’s good for both of you. If there’s nothing wrong with your relationship …!

Acknowledgment of your feelings is the first steps, now work against it, let it be gone, if you can. It’s okay to like someone from a far, if it’s becoming more of an issue, find a way to mitigate it, and you may seek a therapist. If’s it’s really affecting your marriage and happiness, now you have a decision to make..!

Just an opinion!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don’t believe you love this other woman, I just think you just love the idea of her. She is someone new, someone pretty, and someone with a great smile and great charisma and charm. Everyone, at some point, feels drawn to other people who are like this. But just because those feelings are there doesn’t mean you should act on them, especially when you are already married.

You love your wife. Out of all the women in the world, you chose her to spend your life and build a life with. Forsaking all others. There is something about your wife that set her apart from all others and attracted you to her.

So tell me, are there aspects of this other woman that reminds you of your wife?

MzAsh · Answer

there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else’s looks but it’s already crystal clear that you are emotionally unfaithful. Respect your wife enough to let her be with someone who is loyal to her and only her.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

How can you absolutely love your wife when you have such a huge crush on another girl?

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Don’t know. I can’t be interested in two people at the same time.

MaybeTony · Answer

At 28, it's time to have a clear understanding of these matters. You should know this by now. Novelty has its allure, but it's essential to safeguard your marriage by steering clear of it. Experiencing periods of boredom is natural in a long-term relationship, but remember, the commitment and vows you made are far more significant than temporary desires. If you pursued another relationship, you'd likely find yourself in a similar situation eventually. It's crucial to reassess your values. I cherish my marriage for bringing me closer to God, for challenging me to be a better person, and for providing a stable environment for raising children. When boredom arises in my marriage, I reflect on its source, often finding it's a signal for me to invest more in my relationship. Concentrate on supporting your wife and children. Your current mindset resembles that of a housewife; it's time to shift focus. Engage in business, expand your network, and move beyond selfish desires. Infidelity starts in your mind. It becomes harder and harder to say no the more you indulge. If you value commitment as a man unequivocally should, then run away from this situation to protect your marriage.

Anonymous · Answer

Whoa. Women usually post questions like this not men.

Realize your “crush” is a mental fantasy. You don’t know what this women is really like if you spent time with her the same what you with your wife.

Also her smiling at you and being flirty when she knows you’re married (she’s knows right?) says a lot about her. But I get it how women often go after taken men. It always happens to me when I was in a relationship. Its annoying af.

Anyway think through what would happen if you engaged in this temptation. Think it all the way through. Sure think through the rush and excitement. But more importantly think about how you feel after you did this. Think of the ramifications, regrets, heartbreak and possible failed marriage (one way or another your wife will find out one day). Just think past what is right in front of you.

Just FYI I am a recovering compulsive gambler. Not the same as your scenario I know. But I’ve been clean for 2 years but still feel urges to gamble.

Now I think through the urge and how I feel afterwards (I will lose my clean date). I think of the ramifications and how I could lose all the progress I made. That’s helped me not make stupid choices despite feeling tempted.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

It happens to me all the time. It's just a feeling though and you're male though... should've been beaten down so much like the rest of us that you barely even have feelings. You can't let feelings beat the rational... I'm guessing you're just really attracted to this new chicks body the most and she probably has a really inviting personality.

Remember this lesson... no matter how attractive a chick is... somewhere, there is a man that is sick of her shit. Look at the new chick with that perspective... You're not dumb, you'll figure out why she's still single if she even really is. (If she's not single, then you're already figuring out why she's a pain in the ass to anybody that's with her [minus some cuck guy])

wiltingrosepetal · Answer

People who have a marrital affair generally aren't evil, they just have these feelings for someone else. When there's no more fireworks and butterflies in a relationship, you instinctively find it in other people. It's normal, you shouldn't dislike yourself for it. But always prioritise the true, mundane love you have for your spouse. It may not be exciting, but it's real, and it would be a loss to throw that away for a fresh face

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Damn, not a huge one though.. That means you've been developing that crush for a while.. Probably thinking of her sometimes and whatnot.. It's possible because you let your attraction to this woman go a little too far.. You don't gain a huge crush on somebody unless you let it build and fester overtime.. Meaning you find something more attractive about her than your wife and it's driving you further towards that woman..

slatyb · Answer

Why not? You are married, not dead. You are still going to have crushes on other women. If you often think that you would rather be with another woman, then you married the wrong one. I'm married too, very happily. Occasionally I met someone I find quite attractive. but I know there's no magic sex, no magic person so I'm not tempted.

tfan1 · Answer

Be respectful and nice to your colleague but if she tries anything - flash your wedding ring to her and make damn sure she sees it. And you make sure you make priority one. - Your wife. Keep looking at your wedding ring to remind you who you pledged your love, respect, loyalty etc to.

Justmisscurious · Answer

You’re human. Ignore these self righteous people in the comments who are shaming you. Just appreciate her beauty and keep it pushing. The more you think about it the deeper the spiral gets, and I recommend you get out before it’s too late.

EmpressAJ · Answer

Well I appreciate the honesty. I don’t feel like finding someone else attractive is bad because you’re a human being but acting on your emotions towards her will ruin your marriage. Something about this woman draws u to her. Figure out why that is before u do something you’ll regret.

SphynxUK · Answer

It a crush. They happen. You can be married and in a relationship and still look at or find people attractive.

antelope51 · Answer

Because you produce enough sperm to populate half the US in one day. And your body wants to impregnate as many women as possible. Evolution.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Other attractive people exist. But you made a commitment to your wife when you married her. Fix what your lacking in your own relationship.

Akam93 · Answer

Well either your unhappy with your wife/marriage or just not satisfied with her. I've been somewhat in a similar situation with a married man. Never knew why he was fascinated by me.

exitseven · Answer

sometimes you get confused. The important thing is what you do about it. Ot rather whet you DON'T do about it.

HaveNoName · Answer

Becauae you are a human of tyhr male type. 🤣 It's ok. It is nornal. What is wrong is to move forward with your temptation and get into the forbidden zone. Feelings are not controllable.

Thestupidusername · Answer

Talk about it with your wife. Be a real man and figure something out.

Booklover_90 · Answer

It sounds like you didn’t put up any boundaries. How would you like it if your wife was interested in another man?

Asad1ONE1 · Answer

Because men and women are attracted to each other in general. Unfortunately there aren't just the "two of us" on this planet. Maybe in the afterlife 🙏.

getwiththepg · Answer

I think that’s regular. How you act on those emotions is another thing.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Um, because you’re a guy. You can’t escape biology.

Ange3llll1 · Answer

This is ridiculous, how can you love your wife and like that girl, you may find her beautiful, but liking her and saying you love your wife is ridiculous.

DextroShade · Answer

You are a man, you are evolved to spread your seed far and wide.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

OH WELL JUST DON'T ACT ON IT

Billlewis · Answer

Sex and love are two different things.

Reem12345reem · Answer

This is why I have trust issues 💀

Unit1 · Answer

You love women it seems.

butterly248 · Answer

You aren't happy  Talk to your wife

pickles77 · Answer

It’s the charm, don’t let it deceive you

serious_miss419 · Answer

Jeez, your poor wife. You’re awful

Minahh · Answer

You don't really love her

askthis56 · Answer

you should ask it to yourself

justabuddy · Answer

It's always best to stay committed.

Why I have such a huge crush on another girl while I absolutely love my wife?

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