Why can't my[30/F] family members just accept that I am a forever alone woman?

[sticksstonesbtch]

I'm going to be 31 in a few days and I have never been in a relationship. While I do think it is 50% my fault due to my own emotional unavailability, my issues that I have had with MOST (not all) men in my past has contributed to my feelings regarding no longer wanting a relationship. As a teenager, no boys my age wanted me because they found me unattractive and I had a very hateful, abusive narcissistic father. As an adult, I noticed that I tend to attract the worst type of men

It took me 30 years of my life to realize that most men don't actually like me. They would either hate me or lust after me alone. I can count on one hand the amount of men who showed genuine interest in me as a person.

Instead of complaining, I've finally accepted the fact that I may not ever be a girlfriend since a. I hate most of the men that I tend to attract and I will never date these kinds of men and b. Most (not all) men don't seem to be interested in relationships nor marriages with women (and only want to sleep with them).

However, I have had female family members who tend to force their unachieved relationship goals (a happy marriage) on me. I don't want to hear about how I will find someone one day. I hate feeling badgered about how I should give relationships a chance when I don't even seem to attract the type of men that I like.

This isn't to generalize men nor am I intending to promote misandry. I just don't have any intentions to be a girlfriend nor wife anymore and that's final.

Updates

3 mo

I don't want to hear anything about how I will find the right guy. At this mental state of mine, I am not interested in dating. I'll reiterate: I hate a lot of the men I attract because they are usually weird and crazy and they usually only lust after me. I don't think I'm missing out on anything by being single and not dating. I would rather accept that I am forever alone.

[Finchie40]

I am sorry to hear about the shit you went through in life with men , it honestly sounds similar to the shit I dealt with with female as well , My advice to you is don’t listen to what anyone else says about your choice , of not wanting a relationship you have your reasons that only you know of , so many people in this world , are judgmental over everyone else but themselves. I feel social media contributed to this big time. Sadly most people in general are selfish people that only really care about themselves and don’t really know how to give the same way they want to receive. Me personally will not get into a relationship with a girl that does t know how to remove selfishness , selfishness is sadly 1 of the biggest relationship killers , if you can’t learn to remove selfishness, don’t expect someone else to remove selfishness for you , My advice is to focus on yourself and learn to love who you are as a person and fuck what other people think , exempt people out of your life that bring negativity into your life and accept people that bring positive , it’s a lot easier said than done but that’s the key to your own happiness. Maybe one day you will meet a guy that loves you for you , that accepts you for you if not then oh well life goes on until we die

[sticksstonesbtch]

I clearly just said I am not interested in relationships at all. Ask yourself this: what makes me so special that I need to date again and what entitles me to a good man when I don't want to go out my way to deserve it?

[Finchie40]

Nothing , you can just choose to stay single , you don’t need anyone else’s permission on what you choose to do in your life. So don’t listen to what other people say , if they don’t agree with you , so be it , it’s your life and your choice.

[sticksstonesbtch]

The truth is, I only replied to you asking this because my mom threw the biggest hissy fit because of how I called most of the men I hated weird (a lot of them are) and ranted all because I said that I wish it was normalized for women to stay single. The truth is, I no longer care if men want to date me or nor because if men don't care about my feelings, then why should I care about theirs?

[Finchie40]

Exactly , we can only give what we want to receive , if you don’t want to give don’t expect to receive, it needs to go both ways for any relationship to survive , Relationships bate a choice , you either choose to be with someone or choose not to be with some , it’s your life and your choice

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's really heavy stuff you've had to deal with. No wonder you've given up on dating for now with all that baggage.

Family can be real annoying always getting on your case about not having a girl yet. Trust me, I hear it all the time too even though I'm not ready! They just don't get it sometimes.

Seems like you know yourself well enough by now to realize dating more dudes probably wouldn't end well. And that's fine - you don't owe it to anyone else to risk another bad relationship. Maybe one day you'll change your mind if the right person comes along. But for now, you do you.

Your life is your business, not theirs. Just keep telling your family you're happy as is and don't want their unwanted advice. If they give you a hard time, maybe distance yourself or be straight up that their nagging makes it even less likely you'll date.

Hope they back off soon. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about protecting your peace of mind. Keep doing your thing! And feel free to vent to me anytime they start acting up again. I gotchu.

[bobalife]

They have good intentions, but I don’t think they realized how it’s affecting you. I know we all like to hope and tell others you’ll find somebody. Even though for the most part it is true… but I also think sometimes we may just wanna be alone or may never meet that person and it will be okay~ hopefully you can let them know you’re happily being single and not looking nor need a relationship to be happy if it’s genuinely true. If they don’t respect it, then, assert boundaries and don’t mind them because it’s truly just your life decisions and business.

[sticksstonesbtch]

The thing is, they act as though being single is some sort of death sentence. It's annoying.

[bobalife]

Some people may not understand and project what works for them onto others. But yeah it does get frustrating, hopefully boundaries will work and assert “I” statements of what you want.

[systemsareyo]

Well in my own way, not same circumstances, I'm 29 turning 30 this year and I'm also always been single. I suppose it's just how life has turned out for my path and that said, it could always be worse, so, I'm content enough. Would I prefer a lot more different things and arrangements in my perfect world? Sure I would. I'll just have to leave that to daydreams or eventual beliefs in reincarnation someday lol or playing The Sims games for light hearted joy 😊

[jujus]

I’m younger but a male my family always asks when I’m going to get a girlfriend or have a baby because everyone has already done that in my family or been married. If I would like to find someone but if I don’t in the future that is ok it’s not a bad thing