How could you get over resentment?

[Anonymous]

I know you'd call it a jealousy issue, but this isn't even remotely the case with me. I have this idea about relationships that you should respect your partner and one of the respect signs is that you don't show interest in the opposite gender assuming we're both straight ofc, it's quite mature and attractive that no body captures your interest specially random girls on social media. I've communicated that with him bc he used to follow randoms before we got together and he agreed and said, without me asking, that he would unfollow them and even remove them too. I was glad, then i noticed a girl suddenly, she is in every like list and he is in hers and it's fairly after our talk, asked him about her, he panicked and said she was a random, she actually was but the point is, he broke our promise and he went out of his way to follow her and she even followed him back. Just so we can be on the same page, i don't suspect that they talked and cheating happened, my specific blood boiling point is, he must like how she looks, he definitely does cause you don't like every post of someone random unless you see something you like. I have a right to be mad, don't i? I have a right to resent him and not to trust him? I don't want to break up, is there any way i could work on this issue? He says he doesn't find her attractive and he knows he is wrong and shouldn't have done that, it was just out of habit to increase likes and stuff, he is trying hard for me to forgive him but i just can't

[IslaTheWitch]

A relationship is not about changing the other person to fit our ideals. A relationship involves continuous compromise and adjustment so that both partners provide comfort to each other while still being themselves.

Having a boyfriend doesn't mean he suddenly stops liking a specific type of appearance or ceases to be sociable. Because then, he would be a different person, not the one you got involved with and not the one who chose you. Being in a relationship is about trust. Trust that even if people remain true to themselves, they won't cross certain boundaries.

My husband got to know me because I flirted. With him and with others. Somehow, he regularly made me laugh, we started talking, first online (when the internet was expensive AF), and then we spent hours on the phone (there were no webcams, and the bandwidth was too weak, lol). We talked, laughed... He had the gift of making me laugh to tears.

Even when we were together, I still flirted. That's who I am. But he knew I wouldn't cross that line, that I generally wouldn't go beyond the laughter that flirting brings me. Especially since I never block my phone or computer. If he wanted to, he could check my emails, messages, texts...

My friend's wife is a very open person. She has many friends, various circles of people she spends time with. Generally, she goes out without him five evenings a week because he prefers to spend time on his projects and is grateful that no one bothers him. She trusts him, and he trusts her. He doesn't monitor her, doesn't check her phone. Sometimes he picks her up when the party ends too late for her to return by public transport. He teases her when she's so tired that she falls asleep as soon as she gets in the car. And then he carries her in his arms to bed.

Being in a relationship means being together, adapting, occupying certain niches just for oneself, and creating shared space. But above all, it means communication and trust.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Working on yourself and focusing on your life is the best way. I resented my ex a lot during pregnancy and after our child and the way I was treated. It’s really hard, you just have to make the decision to love yourself and want a better life.

[nawtee_me]

Why would you want to work on you if it is his fault? You both agreed before and he broke that agreement didn’t he? If do this is clearly on him and not you. He broke that trust.
Now if you want to get past the resentment all you havdd red to do is forgive him. It is a choice you have to make. But if you truly forgive him then you won’t bring it up again because you no longer hold it against him.

[spartan55]

Good lord... talk about making a big deal about nothing.

[boggboss]

Lol your idea of a relationship is that he is not allowed to find other women attractive sorry are u normal

[Asker]

You can find other people attractive but not to the point of acting upon that. I'm normal, your standards are just not so normal

[boggboss]

I agree if he decided to add a girl after saying he wouldn't he messed up I just didn't understand what u first ment as it sounded like he was not allowed to fine others attractive

[DextroShade]

Are you following any men or hanging out with male "friends"?

[sheikalana]

By letting it go.

[In_Trance]

This is a waste of time. Move on

[Asker]

Why?