How do I get better with relationships? I feel like I won’t find anyone feels so impossible I tried they always leave me and just quit on me?

[laurlaur101]

Am I the fault? I feel like everyone wants to hookup I don’t agree with that stuff so I don’t want to change my views to fit someone else’s wants and then it’s hard bc my family keeps saying don’t do anything until married it’s a sin etc so I just have a ton of pressure I feel like it’s exhausting very stressful. I don't know what to do feel like I won’t find anyone I truly like there’s no people that would give me the world but I don’t like them that way I won’t be happy

[MrOracle]

Unfortunately, the default expectation in society today is to have pre-marital sex, when it used to be to get married first. You can thank your mother and grandmother's generations for that - it was Feminism that insisted that women have "sexual freedom".

Anyway, you are looking for (what we now refer to as) a "traditional" relationship, where marriage comes before sex. Nothing wrong with that, and in fact, I think both you and your husband will be much better off in the long run.

HOWEVER, you must also realize that this puts you OUTSIDE the "norm" - because most people are having pre-marital sex. And since you are outside the norm, you have to EXPECT that MOST men you meet aren't going to hold the same morals, values, and life-goals that you have, and when you identify that they don't, you have to move on and continue to look for someone who does.

It will be much easier if you start making your position very clear from the beginning, so that you don't waste your time, or his. Meaning, if some guy shows interest in you, and you think you might be interested back, you need to say "I have some interest in you too, but before this goes any further, you need to know that I'm 'traditional' and I'm looking for marriage, and I don't do pre-marital sex, so if you aren't looking for a serious relationship - meaning, say, marriage within 2 years - then you'd be better off with someone else."

EXPECT most guys to move on. THAT'S OKAY. The whole point of having a filter is to filter things OUT - and that's what you're doing: filtering out all the men who aren't interested in a serious relationship. Is that going to eliminate a lot of men you find very attractive? Probably yes. ACCEPT THAT as being part of the process. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you - it simply means that your morals and values are outside of the mainstream today (sadly enough).

You need to focus your attention on the types of guys who are more likely to be looking for a serious relationship. Hot guys, party guys, athletes, musicians, etc. are NOT the kinds of guys who are looking for serious relationships, so don't waste your time on them. The guys more likely to be looking for a wife and family are guys who are mid-to-late 20s or older, who may not have a ton financially today but are working hard and building themselves, or perhaps guys in their 30s who have had longer to build and may have a better income and more resources, but probably still aren't rich or living a luxury lifestyle. The main thing to look at is his morals, values, and life-goals, and make sure those are compatible with yours. Most will not pass your filter - know that going in - but that's okay. Filter out the unsuitable ones as fast as you can, and focus on the few who get through your filter, and only take time to get to know THOSE guys.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm waiting until marriage, but I'm also an atheist who hates religion and am just waiting in order to avoid being infected or stuck with the wrong woman because of a pregnancy. If i could turn off my sperm profuction at will, and was immune to all permanent infections, I'd not still be a virgin.

[mooky06]

You kind of have to figure out what you want and what you don’t what in a relationship and find someone who has similar values like you do.

There’s people out there that are mainly for hooks up and other people who are looking for something serious, you just got to filter through.

Though what is the rush?

[laurlaur101]

That’s true but feels like everyone my age is after hookups I just feel rushed because I haven’t found anyone I truly liked and I was ghosted by someone I did actually like the guy seemed to like me but I don't know what the hell happened I’m still struggling with that and failed attempts before it’s just fought seeing happy couples together seeing people getting engaged and I’m over here experienced none of it maybe I won’t experience it just gets to me so much 😔😔

[mooky06]

everyone’s timeline is different. don’t pressure yourself into thinking you need to rush into a relationship, you want to make sure it’s the right one anyways and that will take time because getting to know someone will take time aswell

don’t be so caught up about it ok funnily enough people and things will come to you when you least expect it

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You be your weird little self and the right person will come along.

[LazerBean]

There are people out there who share the same values and interests as you, so don't feel down about it. Try going out to more churches and maybe finding one with a good young adult group.

[dynamicyandere]

I agree. This is good advice.

[LazerBean]

Thank you!