If this is your first in-person meeting, moving in right afterward is a TERRIBLE idea. You need to be seeing this person regularly to find out how he lives and what your living arrangement would look like by knowing him over time.
And if you would not be working, you'd be financially dependent on him. Another terrible idea. What if you decide you want to leave? How could you if you have no money and he controls it?
Don't move in with ANYONE, ANYWHERE, AT ANY TIME if you do not have INDEPENDENT FINANCIAL MEANS and the ability to leave the living situation whenever you want.
Frankly, his rushing to move right in sounds like he's setting you up to keep you whether you want to be kept or not. I'd be worried. Don't do this.
Don't move in with anyone you haven't known in-person for more than a year, and preferably, longer than that. And don't get yourself into any kind of setup where you are dependent on a stranger. Because, this man IS a stranger. You know him from his words, NOT from his actions. Actions speak loudest.
And his rushing to move in with you sounds scary. Be incredibly cautious. Do you know if this man has any criminal history? Do you know any of his friends or family? Where is he from and where are you from? This sounds like all kinds of wrong.
Wait. Get a job and your own money. Don't set yourself up for failure.
@Screenwriter I whole heartedly agree with this. Nothing worse than arriving in another country, find out that something isn't going right, and then having now where to go or the money to go back.
Well I get all your points completely valid but I am independent enough to get out of it if it doesn't work , a job and everything, savings , etc , so finance isn't an issue, it's just when I get there that I'd be dependent on him and everything is rushed cause there's no other way to do this that we are aware of, cause different countries different continants we can't just keep leaving our jobs and going to see each other cause it gets costly and our jobs wouldn't allow it , I wouldn't be able to get a job if I moved right away cause of permits and same for him if he had moved here so that's kind of a worry
These are GIANT RED FLAGS. Where are you from and What country are you proposing moving to? What country is HE from?
I understand going to see each other is costly. But it will be far more costly if you can't extricate yourself from a bad situation. Especially if you're living in a country where women don't have fairly equal rights.
The fact that you have "Kind of a worry," doesn't sit well with me at all. The only way you could get a work permit in his country would be to marry him. And marriage is another terrible idea. Why don't you find someone in YOUR country and avoid all this moving to a foreign land stuff PERIOD!
Talk to a counselor who has an objective viewpoint. I don't understand why you have to engage in such a complicated, difficult relationship that involves either of you moving to another country.
I'm sure there are men and women where you are and he is that you can meet and date. Online relationships are notorious for failing in the hard light of reality.
I would NOT make such a move under any circumstances. unless I had dated this person regularly for a long period of time. Since that is NOT possible because of your being LD, I would not make such a move.
Yeah this is how human trafficking happens.
Moving in can be a break it or make it to many people. You talk about it as a whole about where your relationship is at, where is your relationship heading with the purpose of moving in, making sure you both are fully on the same page and committed, do you have a strong foundation of your relationship, what does living together look like on lifestyle and financially, do some budgeting and research on cost of living together, ask why he wanna move in, are you truly comfortable being yourself with him and vice versa, and most importantly are you / ready / for this step. Not because he wants to and it feels pressuring. But are you truly ready in your personal and relationship step. If you’re not ready, it’s more than okay to share you want to in the future but not at this moment and to continue building your relationship in areas you wanna build together first. There’s just so much to talk about it in my opinion.
So basically varies from person to person?
Thank you though , this helped a lot 💗.
Thank you 💗
Opinion
14Opinion
Get some time to know each other a bit and learn his situation. Get a few months to a year to know each other. See each other on aggravating days, gloomy days, happy days, and etc.
You can figure out technicalities after discussing it of course, but first you both need to establish deciding other things together and ensuring he respects you in a mutual way.
Decide on movies. Decide on what you’ll both eat or do for a day together. Hear each other out. I say in general hear but really make sure he hears you. I can trust you’ll already want to hear his side so make sure to value your side in this matter too
ESPECIALLY since he’d be moving in with YOU into your place.
Find out his living situation subtly with time you know. I don’t mean investigate too much. Enjoy your time with him, but make sure to take note of things and ask every few weeks or so about his job or family. Stuff like that to see if he’d potentially be using you for some citizenship or money. Stuff like that.
Ask about his previous girlfriends and get some insight on that. Figure out the type of individual he is before you actually answer:
is this right or not. Are we ready or not.
Those will be more clear and manageable when you know him, he respects you, and you both can agree on things. If you’re not at those points in time?….
Major pass on this and save it for another season or so.
u You can't possibly know as soon as you meet for the first time. This sounds like a formula to ruin any chance you might have.
Hey, I would say the following:
- He expresses a desire to take the relationship to the next level and discuss his thoughts and feelings about living together.
- He is committed to the relationship and see a future together, indicating he is ready for a more serious step.
- You guys have spent enough time together to understand each other's habits, routines, and lifestyles.
- You have talked about logistics, such as where you would live, how expenses would be shared, and how household responsibilities would be divided.
- You both are emotionally mature and stable, able to handle the challenges and compromises that come with cohabitation.
- You guys align in your long-term goals and visions for the relationship, which may include living together.
I would conclude by saying, that It's important to have open and honest communication about moving in together, consider your own readiness, and make sure both partners are on the same page before taking this step. Each relationship is unique, so timing and readiness can vary from person to person.
Best wishes to you!
Thank you so much this really helps💗
No. Nope, do not allow that to happen. He could be abusive you have no idea. I suggest they stay at a motel/hotel for at least 6 months. You need to learn who this person actually is. Being from a different country is huge red flags. Be very very careful
He should get his own place near you.
It gives you both non scheduled time to actually know one another, experience how the other lives and their house manners on their own and with a guest. You get to all experience each others spending and eating habits.
Never feel bad for having boundaries.
Please don’t live with him so soon.
Can't really do all of that with being from different continents
Yes, you can! Just have him move to your city and get his own place!
@Jamie05rhs
Yes agreed.
@Asker
Butterflies are fun but please take your time.
Can't cause like I said his from a different continent, full time job , same with me so we can't just leave everything and move , that's why the meet is the only thing possible right now
Why not what
Well I mean to keep seeing each other without moving is expensive since it's different continants and getting off work to keep doing that becomes a problem is what I mean so we'd have to move together and getting my own place there or him here is yet again a problem cause we can't work in either country for at least a couple months
No I can't cause it's going to be a spousal visa, meaning only after moving there can I apply for the work visa
Don't really have an opinion on it
This is a very, very, very bad idea. You're making a permanent decision that will affect your life in tremendous ways. And you're cutting corners because of the immigration law. You think this is going to make your life more convenient. We'll, maybe it will in the short term. But the long term risk FAR outweighs any short term gain.
It's not cutting corners, it's just something we wanted to do to eventually be together, otherwise we wait years
You SHOULD *eventually* be together! My point is that you are rushing things!
How else can we do this? Long distance is tough lol
Have him get sponsored by a local employer in your city.
For what
For a work visa.
His job is country specific
She will learn the hard way and he will get is glory
Absolutely no at this point, no, no and no again. you do not meet and then move in with a perfect stranger in the flesh, this has massive red warning flags, my opinion of course...
Thank you , What could go wrong in your opinion?
Do not move him in. Date for a while longer closer to each other. Moving in us a big step. It's not about if he is ready. Some guys like to use and live off of women. Learn more about each other and future dreams and plans for your future first. Don't want to be stuck living with the wrong person
Have the conversation and if things are looking good, both of you should decide on a day for him to move in.
However, he’s long distance and you don’t know why he’s eager about moving in with you. If you are unsure, don’t ever let him move in
His eager cause we've known each other a long time and been dating along time so he wants to make it official once we meet and then doesn't want to do long distance after that so wants me to move there
I'm aware that you don't yeah
you've never met him in person before? do NOT live together...
Why not? Just want more reasoning if you don't mind?
people are different in real life... i just wouldn't do that when you two haven't even met in person yet. it's a big big risk.
Well we are meeting first like I said
yes. but you said he wants to meet and then move in together right after. seems a bit rushed. i just think it's risky
Well what do you suggest?
From my understanding you guys don't even know each other personally. That sounds way too risky.
Exactly
Sounds like a bum who is too broke or no credit to get his own place. Beware.
No I have to move there not him lol
Yeah I have to
Well unless you have a crystal ball of time traveling machine, there's no way to know for sure until you actually do it.
Men carry so little they leave a jacket and pants and they are halfway there already. But to answer they will usually say so.
The hell? RED FLAG, girl! Don't do it!!
He's trying to scam you.
How so
He's trying to move in with you, and you haven't even met him before!
Does he just want to play house with you? Ask what bills he can afford to pay when he moves in…
No I'm supposed to be moving not him lol
No, do not move with him until you feel ready. Its too soon in my opinion.
Well it's been long that we've known each other and dating so the wait was long and long distance is getting tiring
I understand, but moving in together is a big step.
Exactly why I'm asking how to know if his really ready for it
When you feel it in your gut.
Lol thanks I guess
Honestly it's a terrible plan.
Why?
Several reasons. Most importantly, you might not even get along with each other when you meet. Online and Irl are worlds apart. Also: you might have trouble finding work, visa problems, and moving in together right after meeting him will all but guarantee the failure of your relationship. Have you ever lived with anyone?
We might not get along that's why we're meeting first and yes I'm going to have trouble with all of that with that which Is why I'm asking that's the biggest concern for me and no I have not
Yeah true
Once you get married
Well that is the plan
Definitely don't move in on first meeting
Any suggestions
Yeah
Just ask him on his opioion
I did
Oh different countries?
Yes different
it needs time
Meaning?
Lol okay
Well?
Really well, for quite long as well
We do yeah
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