How do you tell two men that you’ve decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with them?

[Anonymous]

I know 2 great guys. 1 was a great friend, but has no ambition to work at all and wants a family. 1 is lovely too, but wants a big family. I’ve decided I want marriage, but not kids and that we’re not a right fit for each other, as more than friends. I’ve decided to see what happens with another guy who lives closer to home, whom I like as much as the other two and seems to want the same future that I want. These are both decent, good and lovely men. What’s a kind and respectful way of breaking up with them? (They’re both long distance, so I’ve not slept with or kissed either of them. I was going to pick one for marriage). I am Autistic, so I don’t understand the right words to use, as I can’t blurt out the truth, that one is lazy and the other is clingy.

[Avicenna]

They will still want to know why, no matter how delicately you word that you want to break up.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, breaking up is never easy, but here's how I'd handle it respectfully:

For the guy who wants a big family, tell him you care about him deeply as a friend. But be honest that your visions for the future aren't fully aligned when it comes to kids. Thank him for understanding your needs.

As for the other guy, focus on his lack of ambition, not laziness directly. Say something like you admire his kind heart, but need a partner who shares your drive to advance careers together as a team.

Assure both that it's no reflection on them as people - you simply realized your goals aren't a perfect match long term. Offer to stay friends if they're open to it, with no hard feelings on your end.

Keep it brief, honest but kind. Don't give too many personal details that could hurt their ego or pride. And make sure they know there's no chance of reconsidering - clear, clean breaks are best.

It may still sting for them, but handling it with care and respect now will allow closure and hopefully prevent bitterness down the line. You deserve a partner who's truly right for you - stay true to that.

[laly520]

in a simple direct way
"hey, I dont think that can work out for us"
done