How do I stop comparing myself to my boyfriend's ex?

[Anonymous]

I know it's irrational, and that he loves ME, but I can't help it.

At this point I'm not entirely sure if it's even about her being his ex or more so just me being jealous because she's also everything I ever wanted to be - she's gorgeous - looks kinda like young Linda Evangelista, she's studying my dream major (though it's because her relatives pay for it... but yeah I still feel kinda inferior in that aspect), she's confident, kinda funny, superficially nice and I don't know... Sometimes I wonder what he sees in me, cause I feel so different from her. But again, it was never him who made me feel this way, it's probably just in my head and I just don't know how to change it lol

[ManOnFire]

By understanding this, and what might be something you should be a tad bit concerned about: you have similarities to his ex, which is probably why he chose you. You must remind him of her and that's why he likes you.

[slatyb]

Does he compare you? Or even talk about her? That's destructive to a relationship.

[Asker]

No, he never compares me with anyone, and very rarely talks about her, unless I ask a certain questuion or it somehow relates to the conversation. And he's always very diplomatic about that too haha

[slatyb]

So stop asking. It sounds like all this is a product of your own insecurities. Are you looking for a reason to end this relationship? It sounds like you have an "anxious" attachment style. Maybe read "Attached" to learn about attachment styles. Maybe if you can talk to a counselor about your feelings. If I were him, I would just say "That's over. Let's focus on now."

[Asker]

That's axtually helpful, I'll look into that :) Thank you

[slatyb]

Thanks. I try to give helpful answers to serious questions. Best wishes to you.

[boggboss]

You simply insecure and you feed those feelings and entertain the thoughts if competing against her when it's only on your head as if your boyfriend wanted her over u he wouldn't be with u