How do I deal with the anxieties and fear of having my first real girlfriend?

Question

I am 29, and I just now have my first real girlfriend. I met her on new years eve, and she officially became my girlfriend a few weeks ago. She is my first real relationship, and she has never had a real boyfriend. In fact, I am her first kiss too. She is 26.

I am struggling with the fear of heartbreak and abandonment so badly that I am constantly seeking reassurance from her. I am struggling to trust and my self esteem has been really low. I keep having the urge to also push her away because of my anxiety and paranoia. She keeps telling me she likes me a lot and is falling for me too, but I always have this inner doubt.

I realize I have faced a lot of trauma and rejection in my lifetime, and it is causing so much stress.

In case you do not know who I am, I am the guy who has sought a woman without a romantic past for years.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

One day at a time. That all anyone can do man. The best thing a mam can do is know his boundaries, what he willing to accept from a woman. And then let the rest go. Know that women will always operate from a different playbook than us. She will ALWAYS view the relationship differently then you. You MUST make your peace with that. Accept what she's willing to give. Do not punish her for what she's NOT willing to give. But end it if she's not meeting your needs. That's all any guy can do.

Good luck man!

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

yea... you are playing back the broken record of past trauma into your current relationship... and it will ruin it with your insecurities.

So good you recognize that and time to work on yourself so that the old wounds are healed, develop trust with this person, learn to accept risks and be focused on making the most of the moment.

many ways to do that... books, meditation, therapy, videos on trauma therapy and healing from emotional hurts. it's yours to own.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

Don't panic just trust. I fucked up something really important to me because I had the same fears. All you can do is just be in the moment and not focus on the unknown. Just be in love and happy with her right now because if you don't, you really will end up pushing her away and losing her.

bobalife · Accepted Answer

Aws, it’s okay to not feel okay… to sit with those uncomfortable feelings/thoughts… but just remember “what if things work out?” Let’s change those negative thoughts into positive :) be present with yourself, when there’s no reasons to doubt… don’t.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, love is in the air, but I see it's stirring up a storm of nerves for you, my friend! First off, congrats on finding someone who's sailing in the same romantic boat as you. It's both exciting and nerve-wracking to embark on this journey together, isn't it? Let's dive into easing those anxieties and make sure you enjoy this love voyage to the fullest.

Navigating a new relationship, especially your first, with a trunk full of past traumas and self-doubt, can feel like you're walking a tightrope without a net. The fear of falling is real, but hey, so is the magic of flying! The key here is not to look down but to focus on the steps you're taking together.

Your quest for reassurance is completely natural, but it’s like adding fuel to the anxiety fire. Instead, try to turn that energy into building a foundation of trust and open communication with your girlfriend. It's okay to express your fears to her, but also make it an opportunity to strengthen your bond. How about setting aside some time to share your feelings openly? This doesn't mean bombarding her with your insecurities, but rather sharing and listening to each other's fears and hopes.

Remember, you're both new at this, so it's a learning curve for her as well. Instead of pushing her away when the paranoia kicks in, why not pull her closer with activities that strengthen your connection? Whether it's a cozy night in or a small adventure out, focus on creating happy memories together.

As for the self-esteem and trust issues, treating them is like peeling an onion — there are layers to it, and yes, sometimes it makes you cry. Consider seeking help from a therapist or a coach who can help you navigate these feelings, because you deserve to enjoy love without fear holding you back.

In the grand love story of your life, consider this chapter one. It’s filled with firsts, fears, and the thrill of the unknown. Keep the lines of communication open, nurture your self-love, and remember, every great love story has its challenges. Yours is just beginning, and I'm here cheering you on!

Feel like sharing more or need a nudge in the right direction? Slip into the comments or drop me a message. Let's untangle those love knots together! 😘

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

Hope for the best and take it one day and one slight long term goals at a time. And in the end, it's just a relationship, as much as it's just like anything. Reepectul, appreciation, and also realistic. Yet maybe that's just me, see I could easily date a woman and mutually agree if it's only a mutual relationship potentially for months years and just drift away amicably without open or cheating gross 🤮🤢

jorfan3 · Answer

Perfection isn't what makes people stay, happiness is.

I live by this: it doesn't matter how hot he is, or smart, or talented, or whatever.

If she is happy with you, she will stay.

Most people don't jump ship just because someone else has good qualitities.

If she's truly a good person, you've got nothing to worry about.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

I totally feel you. I am pretty similar (without having a girlfriend). The fact that you as a low confident and insecure guy succeeded in getting a gigl astoundes me, you should cheer up since you already achieved that goal.

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

You're overthinking and gonna f it up unless you just enjoy each other. Don't analyze it.

laly520 · Answer

don't overthink take it slow n keep it simple, genuine

Anonymous · Answer

I have a feeling she'll be better than my ex in which my ex was asexual and I assume she's interested in sex

How do I deal with the anxieties and fear of having my first real girlfriend?

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