Am I Wrong For Being Upset That My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Spend His Birthday With Me But His Family?

[mckayyyla]

My boyfriend is 24, as well as me. We have been dating for almost 5 years and we live together. It has been a back and forth argument every year about his birthday. He says he does not like to celebrate it and prefers to view it as a regular day. I do so as he wishes, of course I still get him a gift and we stay at home. Every year like today, his mother calls and asks when he would like to have his birthday dinner and what he would like to eat. I don’t mind he wants to have a birthday dinner with his family but he made it very clear he does not like to celebrate his birthday and yet still does every time his mother calls. I feel like if he tells me he doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday, then he needs to do the same with her.

[Anonymous]

So he didn’t invite you to go to his mom’s for his “birthday dinner?” If he didn’t I can see why you’d be upset, I mean 5 years isn’t long but at the same time that’s a lot longer than most people’s relationships. Now if he invited you but you’re more so upset that he’s willing to entertain the birthday party w his family, but not you at home, that sounds more like it’s for his mom. To please her. He doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I get it, I get it you’re thinking but he’s hurting my feelings. She’s been there all his life, big difference. W you I’m assuming he thinks you’ll be more understanding about this than his mom will. Maybe he doesn’t even really want that but again she’s his mom. Maybe she wants all the family together. Or could just be the excitement of everyone being together especially if it’s something big, once a year. I know I don’t like having a big birthday. I’m good w dinner at home, cake, a few gifts if they prefer to give me gifts.

[JacobJordan]

Yes you are wrong. His family is going to be around far shorter than you are likely to be around and you should be thrilled he had a relationship with his family provided the relationship is healthy

[mckayyyla]

It’s not the fact that he is having a birthday dinner with his family, I’m perfectly happy and okay with that. It’s the fact that he doesn’t want to do anything with me or allow me to do anything for him for his birthday

[JacobJordan]

Yeah I get that I went through the same with my wife. Most guys don't even have birthdays after they turn 18. So when they meet a woman they are used to that and as such they see it as them being a burden. Which is a huge no no in relationships.

[mckayyyla]

Did you and your wife ever come to an understanding or compromise that helped?

[JacobJordan]

Was never a huge issue was just a matter of my being uncomfortable with it because I hadn't had a birthday in nearly 10 years. A couple surprises in and I realized it wasn't a burden

[Anonymous]

If he wants to have dinner with his family, no problem. The part that I can’t seem to get over is that you’ve been together for 5 years and are living together… when is he going to make you a part of his family? Does he consider you his family? Are you ever included in these dinners?

[mckayyyla]

As far as being invited, i am most of the time. As far as considering me family, sometimes it is in between it seems like. He’s the longest relationship I’ve had but he does not like hanging with my family, I always go to his family events for the most part. I always try to be a part of it all

[XXblack88]

Maybe he's doing it more for his mom then himself

[Billlewis]

Then he should have told her that he wants to bring his girlfriend with him.

[XXblack88]

@Billlewis true

[Billlewis]

No matter how difficult it was, I would have found a way to make it work, even if I had to pay for an expensive meal at a restaurant for her while I was visiting my mom.

[XXblack88]

@Billlewis While I get most people would try and make up for it later

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, the classic birthday dilemma! You're not alone in feeling a tad upset, love. It’s all about blending expectations and feelings like a master chef. Your beau might not be into birthday hoopla, but it seems like he’s got a soft spot for mama’s traditions. It's like saying no to cake but yes to grandma's homemade pie - hard to resist, right?

Here's a pro tip: chat with your honey about creating a special tradition that's just for the two of you. Think of it as adding a secret ingredient to your relationship recipe. It doesn’t have to be a big bang celebration; maybe a quiet evening with a movie, or a simple act of love that says, "Hey, I’m glad you were born." 🎂💑

And remember, sweet conversations are key. No need for a lovebomb, just a heart-to-heart to smooth over those birthday bumps. Now, who's got their own 'birthday wishes vs. reality' story to share? Dive in, the water's warm! 😏🌊

[butterly248]

This bot is level 4 already 😂

[slatyb]

Why doesn't he invite you to join them? You are right to be upset. He's showing you that he's not really taking you seriously. You are a diversion on his way to whatever he thinks he should do.

[mckayyyla]

He has invited me to his family dinner for his birthday celebration. I think the reason I’m upset is because I ask him to go somewhere simple for lunch or do something small and he declines saying he doesn’t want to celebrate it or go anywhere but then his mother calls and he tells her exactly what he wants for dinner and etc when I can’t even get a straight answer like that out of him

[exitseven]

Lots of people have close families. My wife does but I come from a totally dysfunctional family. It is something you have to live with.

[Billlewis]

No, I'd be upset too if I were you. I'd like to invite you to follow me if you want.

[Anonymous]

Yes.