My husband cheated on me last weekend curious if there's anyway to move past it?

[Brokenbabygirl]

We have been working through some stuff lately. The last couple of years all of the responsibility for our family has been on him. I broke my arm and my leg and was down for a long time and honestly I'm still having medical issues. Last Saturday night my husband didn't come home from work, he works as security at a swingers club on Friday and Saturday nights (we are not swingers). He was with a single girl from the club. He finally got home mid morning on Sunday. He admitted what he did and said it was only the one time. I'm still processing everything and he goes back to work tonight. I'm devastated and having a really hard time knowing that he will be back in that sexually charged environment this weekend. I'm trying to keep it together at the moment for our children because this is not an up and leave situation. We have 5 kids and entire life together if I decide to leave or if he wants a divorce we will have to do it in a peaceful way. We haven't talked much because he works during the day too Monday-Friday. I'm just broken, I never expected anything like this from him. Aside from this he's an amazing husband and Dad. I should also say I've gained weight but I'm not sure that matters. Our sex life has suffered though because physically and mentally im going through it. I want to try and fix our family, does he?

[XHopelessRomanticX]

You can forgive your husband if you want to, but you’re always going to be burdened by the thought that he could/would do it again.

If you do choose to go forward in your marriage, I suggest you sit down with your husband and discuss what needs to be done. It’s his fault he cheated, so it’s his responsibility to make things right. He needs to quit his job and find something else to do. Working in that environment offers up too much temptation. He needs to schedule appointments for the both of you to see a marriage counselor, pastor, or whoever, who can walk you through how to move forward. He needs to dedicate whatever free time he has to you, your marriage, and your kids. Part of me thinks he needs to apologize not only to you, but also to your parents. I would also suggest coming clean to his parents. Bring in some accountability.

[Brokenbabygirl]

Thanks for being compassionate... that was awesome!

[DJB72]

I spent 9 months in hospital, three of them in a coma, and came out missing my right leg below the knee and on a watch list for early renal failure.

My wife didn't feel the need to fuck someone else because of it.

Our relationship is not easy by any means, but we somehow manage to not sleep with other people.

How you get past this is up to you. But to get past it, he needs to leave that job and find something else or you need to reduce your household expenses so he doesn't need two jobs to pay them.

If he was tempted then there's something beyond the physical temptation going on that let him be tempted. A guy that's content in his marriage doesn't cheat. And it's NEVER just one person causes a marriage to fail. It takes two to make it work and it takes the same two to make it fail.

I am certain you can get through it if you work together, but it'll mean both of you looking at getting back to where you were.

[TonyMetal___86]

A good husand and father? You mean that he's a great cheater?
You want to fix things up after doing such a horrific act against you 🤔

In my book, a cheater ends up in a divorce, period!

[Nikki1989]

Yes, many couples can get past that.

[Brokenbabygirl]

Thank you... I'm not sure if we will but I'm not just giving up either.

[David94358]

Maybe this is the best job for him then? Unless you both decide to become swingers that is.

[jahaims]

Have some self respect and leave. Depending on where you live you can sue him and the person he fucked.

[OtterMan68]

counseling, but he should only get ONE second chance

[Brokenbabygirl]

I agree with that... thanks for not being rude. I guess I shouldn't have looked for support on the internet right.

[Luckycharms12]

I think that's up to you both I couldn't forgive someone. I trust once and once only . Everyone deserve better than that

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's at work all the time and you're at home all the time. Maybe it's time you got a job and helped him with the bills

[Opinion Owner]

5 maybe you guys should have stopped at 2 kids and then he wouldn't have to work a second job at some shady place

[Opinion Owner]

Poor life decisions

[Ogopogo]

If you really think there is no other work for a guy who does security at a club of any kind, you are off your rocker. It is also silly to suggest that it was her decision to have 5 kids. Sure, she obviously had a hand in it, but by the time you've had 2 kids it should be pretty clear how you make them. A father of 2 or more children isn't operating on the high school level "use protection or it's a toss up!" teenage fear logic.

I will add, however, that there is no straight man anywhere in the world for whom a woman's weight is not a big deal. If he doesn't prefer a slender, fit body by a wide margin, then he prefers something else by a wide margin. Whatever that preference is, changing your body away from what turned your man on in the first place is never a good strategy.

Meanwhile, if you want someone to be your sex partner, you need to have regular sex with that person. You cannot expect other people to stop having sex just because you don't want to be anybody's sex partner. It might work that way on paper, but the human body isn't responding to paper when an opposite body is up close spraying pheromones.

This, of course, does NOT make it your fault. It is his fault, and he's an asshole. Tell him, this, tell him you don't forgive him, there's not going to be any "working through it," he is on thin ice forever. That's how it is now. Then accept that you love a guy who's an asshole and accept your affection for him and act on it anyway. Finally, cheat on him worse. Now you're also an asshole and you belong together again.

[RavVid]

You'll have to ask him.

[Anonymous]

I see the troll has left the building.

[RebeccaSJ]

Sorry to hear that.