Is dancing with someone else cheating?

[sexyback]

My friend (F28) goes to a dance course (salsa) by herself because her boyfriend (M31) doesn't like dancing. There was a dance event she was invited with her dance group and she danced with a man. Her boyfriend was not even bothered to come to the event to support her. When she came home she was talking about the night and when she mentioned about her dancing with another guy he got very angry and accused her of cheating on him. Do you think this is cheating? I don't think so. I think he is very toxic. I feel sad for my friend.

[drummer]

The question of whether dancing with someone else constitutes cheating really comes down to the boundaries and understanding within each specific relationship. Every couple has their own set of rules and boundaries that they're comfortable with. For some, dancing with others is no big deal, while for others, it might cross a line.

From what you've described, it doesn't sound like your friend and her boyfriend had a clear discussion about what's considered okay and what's not in terms of interacting with others. Salsa dancing, especially in a course or social event setting, is generally viewed as a social activity that doesn't necessarily have romantic implications. ​

​ Accusing someone of cheating without a conversation or understanding of the context, especially when it involves a social activity like dancing, can be a sign of deeper trust issues or insecurities. ​

Calling him toxic might be a strong word based on just this incident, but it's definitely a red flag that there are some trust and communication issues in their relationship.

[SomothErgai]

what is or is not cheating has to be defined on an individual level. no one else can tell you what cheating is. you have to decide that for yourself. I think so much of the way society looks at questions like cheating is that everyone thinks we all subscribe to the same definitions.

Which is obviously not true. Some people have open relationships. some people are not allowed to associate with other humans at all. I don't think that's a particularly healthy way to live life but that's not really my place to tell anyone else how to live as long as that choice was entered into freely.

I think issues like the one you described could largely be avoided if couples would just sit down and actually talk about what their boundaries are.

To answer your question more directly. It's really quite simple. If he says it's cheating. Then it is. He gets to define what cheating means to him. And his partner gets to do the same for herself. Obviously their definitions of cheating are different. So what do they do?

The answer to this is also very simple. there are several solutions.

1) the guy changes his mind to exclude dancing from his list of cheating actions and then everything is ok.

2) the girl changes her mind to include dancing in her list of cheating actions and then stop doing that. And then everything is ok

3) the guy keeps his definition the same and decides that continuing the relationship is not in his best interests and they break up. OR he decides to forgive her on the condition she not do it again and they stay together. either way everything is ok

4) the girl keeps her definition the same, refuses to stop, and leaves the guy in order to maintain her freedom to do as she pleases. OR she decides to stop out of respect for her boyfriends wishes and they stay together. Either way everything is fine

5) neither of them change their definitions, the girl does not stop, and they decide their desire to stay together is greater than their desire to have a relationship without cheating. The guy cucks himself and they stay together and both end up miserable. And everything is very not ok

6) Neither of them changes their definition, but one says they say they do and lie when they agree to change their ways. They stay together in a relationship built on lies and deception. And everything is not ok

These are the only options as far as I can tell. Pick one

[Miristheiss]

To sum up and answer your question in the most direct way. If your mate considers it cheating then to them it is cheating. You either have to not dance with men to respect their boundary or you break up because your boundaries are too far apart.

[Miristheiss]

I think they may be incompatible. If they have core values and life goals in common then her "WANT" of going dancing may have to be given up. Either way it sounds like it is too late now, the damage is done, they'll probably break up. But if this was caught early enough they could have decided if they were a good fit long term and if they thought yes then she'd have to just let this hobby of dancing with men go. If dancing and going out with other men and dancing as a "couple" instead of alone is more important than they should just break up as being incompatible.

If a man doesn't want his girl dancing with other men then should shouldn't dance with other men. Fuck being in the mood to take salsa. Find some other hobby. If doing salsa with other men trumps relationships, marriage and such then she should do salsa but they should just break up instead of fighting about it.

If he thinks she cheated then why hasn't he dumped her yet? If I think my girl has crossed a bit boundary I dump her. I don't "get mad" and whine and complain while staying with her. You end it.

[msmissydc]

No, thats not cheating, Not even salsa. Dancing is a fun hobby. I dance with girls as well as guys, it has nothing to do with attraction or more. You can dance intimate yes but not in dance course. Thats for private. Dance courses or dancing in public is by far not the same as in private.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I feel like it isn't. Dancing is an activity done with somebody else, the boyfriend probably already knows this. If he didn't feel comfortable with the thought of someone else dancing with her, then he should've gone with her and tried it out.

[AviatorTom]

Not at all. My SO likes to dance and I'm a horrible dancer. It's perfectly okay for her to dance with someone else and enjoy herself. When we are at a family gathering, think wedding reception, she usually dances one slow dance with me, and then spends the rest of the time dancing with guys who are good dancers.

[Lliam]

No. Taking dance lessons is not cheating. It's an activity. And you need a partner for dancing. Duh. So dancing with a random partner under those circumstances is nothing like cheating unless she took that course for the purpose of meeting guys.

Considering her boyfriend's attitude, maybe she should. He sounds like a selfish, self-centered, insecure weasel who doesn't care about her happiness. I think she needs to find someone who is compatible.

He doesn't trust her loyalty, which means that he doesn't know her. He thinks the only way to hold onto her is to keep her on a leash. She's not a partner, she's a possession. Where there is no trust, there is no love.

Taking a dance course isn't like going to a club to get drunk, shake your ass and rub against random, horny guys.

[Drew-1990]

That is not cheating, if he didn't want her to dance with someone else he should have been there. If she kissed this other guy or something that would be cheating. Does he expect her to just dance alone at a dancing event? Her by herself while everyone one else paired up?

[Daniela1982]

Depends on what kind of dancing they are doing. Like if a guy is getting a lap dance from her, I would not discount that as being cheating - at least cheating in his mind and body. At least they should ask their boyfriend/girlfriend permission to see if they mind.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Not really but a lot of dancing is overly sexual in movement and nature. That said if you don't want it to happen and you SO really wants to go, this is a situation where you go and do it together for her. She no doubt would've appreciated it since he doesn't like dancing and then this problem is alleviated.

[worldscolide]

Its not cheating, But he sounds like a POS. Like maybe she should not be with him.

Hell i dont like dancing my self, but if my wife is going to participate in a dance event you better damn well believe that i will be there to support her even if im not participating.

[IslaTheWitch]

lol... it was HIS decision not to take part in it... dancing with other men is not cheating. But with my need for transparency, I would expect the information it can happen.

[TommyMountainFigure]

It sounds like he was more angry with himself that she went and had a good time without him. I mean can he really be so stupid not to believe when you go to a Salsa Dance that you're going to be dancing with someone!

[DryGermanGuy]

Totally agree. Maybe he thought these events are similar to women-only sauna days? :-)

[TommyMountainFigure]

@DryGermanGuy Hahaha yes. it certainly would seem that way

[Anonymous]

It's probably a lack of communication. Dancing with another is not advisable as it breaks trust but calling her out for cheating is probably too far.
One does wonder if he understood she would still need a partner to dance with.
Ideally she would explain that if he did not participate, she'd find another partner for this event, and otherwise encourage him to get involved.
It's only really cheating if she approached this event in bad faith, and he's not too know the difference.

[KostasKouvalis]

That reminds me of this girl in my high school who made a Facebook post asking if anyone wants to be her date to prom because her boyfriend was unavailiable. I wouldn't go as far as to call it "cheating", but I certainly don't think it's very appropriate

[Anonymous]

Yes it is. She and most women go dancing because they like attention and want a "safe" environment to grind and rub up against guys without being called a slut. It's really women wanting to be overtly sexual, tease guys, get attention and have deniability.

[DrPepper12]

Ummm no? Humans have ALWAYS danced. It's not a big deal. It's celebratory, it's exercise, it's enjoyable for many. Why the false accusatory anger at women? I don't dance, my wife does at weddings and has a wonderful time with whomever - guys and girls, tandem and group, even solo. Odd take tbh.

[sheikalana]

I wouldn't like to know that my Husband danced with another women and I know he would be happy to know if I danced with another men. It may not be considered cheating but is also not something I would do.

[katiesmuff]

I certainly would never call dancing with someone other than your boyfriend or hubby cheating and not uncommon at all to see. Trust is a major factor in a lasting relationship and getting upset over this is heading in a very wrong direction.

[V_Injector]

So they come back from dance class walking funny...

[RebelinSteel]

Nah that’s not cheating, he’s being an arse. He does not trust her and she should find a new boyfriend that actually wants to go dancing and do stuff with her. She needs to move on

[Huntingnfishin]

I think if he doesn't enjoy doing something that she is obviously very passionate about their relationship is doomed whether she bangs someone else or not

[MrDaveAPSI]

I often wonder why guys don't do the things their woman does. Women are always sacrificing their time for the things men want, why can't we do the same for them

My dad does, for my mom. They've been married 35+

[WhitneySnow]

No that’s no lt cheating. Her boyfriend should have gone with her.

[WhitneySnow]

No that’s not cheating

[laly520]

they lack communication

both need to sit down n talk about it

[HelpfulWoman]

yeah, your friend is a fucking idiot if she stays with that dude any longer