Isn't it worse getting cheated on after many years of marriage vs a couple years in a relationship?

[sunshinexoxo9]

I've heard of people going into depression, stop eating, etc after their girlfriend/boyfriend of 1-4 years cheats on them. They don't even have kids with that person so it's easy to move on. At least you didn't lose anything major other than just feelings invested. You never had a future invested with them.

I've just read a woman's sad story of a husband cheating on her after 20+ years of love, a future together and grown children. Plus he impregnated the other woman too. Her pain obviously has got to be 100x worse than just a boyfriend or girlfriend you're dating cheating on you.

Yes both got cheated on but isn't it worse for the lady in the story than just a boyfriend/girlfriend cheating (no kids) on you?

[Screenwriter]

There is no way to determine how "invested" a person is in a relationship. There are many people who are living together and contemplating marriage or permanent relationships with each other after 1 to 4 years.

Sure, it has to be more of a shock after 20 years, but maybe, just maybe there were signs earlier that the cheated-on person ignored. Or the relationship started after the SO left another person for the cheated-on spouse.

People don't usually change their stripes drastically before or during a long-time relationship.

I think it's always bad when someone cheats on you. Whether you have children together, have 20 years or 20 months together. It's a betrayal and bruises trust and feelings severely. You lose hope for a future with that person.

And you don't know the other side of the story of the cheated-on woman. Maybe that man never loved her as much as she loved him. You simply don't know the whole story in either case.

[biabyblue9]

Look, in my opinion I think it's not good to compare the problems of different people.
Each person is different and everything hits different in everyone.
It's not about what's worse, it's just something that hurts either way.
So no, it's not worse, it's just the same but different.
Don't compare people and their problems...
Imagine you suffer from a problem and people keep telling you that it's not big of a deal? That other people have it worse? Even though you feel so horrible? That's the thing, only ourselves know how it feels. Only we know how our own problems and traumas feel.

[SolitarySolace]

I don't think it matters when it happens cheating is always horrible and should never happen. Having been cheated on in 3/4 relationships, my last relationship having been 9 years ago, I do not want to have another relationship again. I've become too jealous of an individual and these days that is seen as controlling and mysoginistic. I'd rather be single and happy

[sunshinexoxo9]

I'm sorry to hear that and yes cheating is always wrong. I think at age 18 that's too young to give up on relationships. People that young usually don't know what they want nor what love really is. A controlling and jealous person is a bad trait for anyone. Try to work on your self-esteem and you'll realize there is nothing to be jealous of. If someone cheats it's their loss. They lose you. You didn't lose anything.

[SolitarySolace]

I'm asexual and aromantic and in the here and now everything is about politics I couldn't get with a traditional woman they want kids and I don't do sex and I wouldn't want to get with a modern woman I'm voting for Trump and have conservative views. I'm better off single

[sunshinexoxo9]

Have you tried getting into a dating site and specifically search for asexual, aromantic women. There are women like that too that have no drives for sex nor romance.

[SolitarySolace]

Wouldn’t matter they’re few and far between. I wouldn’t be happy anyway I’m happier single

[MrMore1]

It's worse when you're married and have kids too. You can move on from a boyfriend/girlfriend, but it's harder when you have family because you invested feelings, time, money for a longer period. Not to mention you might lose your family too if you can't make up.

[sunshinexoxo9]

Yup it's obviously worse when you've formed a family over the years with that person. Not only is the unfaithful husband/wife betraying you but the children too. There is definitely a lot more at stake there.
I don't understand how someone can get so worked up on getting cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend. You lose nothing major by getting cheated on if you're just dating the person.

[dustybiker2]

It doesn't matter. If you have an open and honest relationship they will end it with you before cheating. People are afraid to talk to each other anymore. Because respect is lost or was never there to begin with. If you are afraid of not being heard or of a discussion turning heated then a person will go behind anothers back to find comfort.

[poshspice123]

I used to feel the same way when I was living seperately while going through my divorce from a cheating husband (no kids) and my then Roomate used to cry about 3 month old breakups… lol


Now that I am dating I realize the 3 month old breakups are really hard as well…lol


I think pain is pain…
And cheating impacts a lot of lives always irrespective of kids. You just have to be stronger with kids. It’s all about being codependent on someone and the pain of separation.

[IslaTheWitch]

being cheated on hurts the same... not important how long the relationship was... important are feelings, hopes, plans, shared years...

[Twalli]

Because the relationship has been longer, it's harder. I don't think kids can really be a benchmark for making it more or less difficult. I think the length is everything. If a couple got married in 2 years and last another year, I don't think they're breaking up is as bad as my girlfriend and I breaking up because even though we haven't married, we've been dating for almost 6 years.

[LazerBean]

Being cheated on by someone you were married to will always be worse than being cheated on by someone who you are not married to.

[sunshinexoxo9]

Exactly and that's why I don't understand the people that go into a major depression over just a boyfriend/girlfriend cheating on them whom they don't even have kids with. If anything, it would make more sense for that lady in the story to have that type of major reaction.

[Anonymous]

The latter. It hurts a lot more when you're in a marriage with someone for a long time, because that also means you were dating even before that. It means so many years together and for that person to just throw away the relationship after all they've been through together.

[BCRanger10]

Both are terrible, but the unfaithful husband or wife would be worse.

[sheikalana]

Both are equally bad and both hurt the same. A betrayal is a betrayal.

[Kelly6]

@sheikalana
Married one should hurt more

[JacobJordan]

Think it just hurts different. And the reaction is also different.

[NibirX]

Well that varries person to person, but in marriage women gets advantage of divoce so they go for it but i think getting these days always happens so everyone i in relationship or marriage be prepared for it

[xxrizxx]

I think it's best to leave a relationship before there are kids involved if things haven't been working out after you've tried to for a few years.

[admles]

Cheating is always horrible, no matter how long the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I can beat that.. the asshole demi cheated on me of 6 years with some scrawny ugly looking jackass when I was sick with cancer and dealing with being homeless

[Anonymous]

Depends on the relationship quality. Marriage or a relationship with kids can be especially difficult.

[JayBones2469]

It's always a blessing if you catch it early.

[sunshinexoxo9]

Yeah the earlier the better so you can move on quickly. The poor woman had 20+ years (and kids) wasted from her. Then the husband gets the mistress pregnant. I wonder if she'll recover from that huge blow.

[handsomelad70]

After many years were I the cuckold.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope it's all the same

[Chelsdope0]

Right 🙄🙄