Me and my girlfriend have been long distance for 6 months, I’m finally moving down in 2 weeks and I’m getting in my own head?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been dating for about a year and a half, this is by far the best relationship I’ve ever been in, whenever we are together it’s great. Our only fights have been over us trying to work out long distance and her moving and when I would move.

I had to wait to move because of my job, we were going through a massive lay off and reorg, and I was scared about bringing up working remote until that all cleared up. I got approval about 1.5 months ago and now we’ve been planning the move.

We have talked about marriage, and planning our life. Lately she’s been extremely busy with work and she is also a dancer and goes to classes, and since she is in a new city with no friends, she has been going to these dances a lot. I am so happy she is making friends and getting out.

But I keep getting in my own head, because she is going out more and been really busy with work, she’s been a bit more distant in the last week or two, and it’s been really stressing me out. I do not want to bring it up because I don’t want to be controlling and I know I’m just getting in my own head about it since it’s such a big move and we’ve been waiting for this for so long. Have any of you dealt with this? How did you get over these feelings that your partner is losing interest despite little evidence they are? Like sure, she isn’t responding as much, but she still responds a lot. It’s just not as enthusiastic as it usually is. We try to talk on the phone multiple times per week. I think I just miss her and I feel like I’m missing out on so much by not being there.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude I totally get where you're coming from. Long distance is tough, especially when you're about to close the gap finally and then she starts acting different. Here's what I'd do:

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt for now since you said she's super busy with work and her dance classes. Those things can really zap your energy.

Maybe send her a text just letting her know you miss her like crazy and can't wait to see her soon. Not accusing, just being open about your feelings.

Ask her straight up if everything's good between you guys or if anything's bothering her. Reassure her you want to understand and support each other.

If she brushes it off saying she's fine, I'd leave it be for now but pay attention to see if her behavior keeps changing. But she may just need space to recharge from her busy schedule.

Once you're down there and settling in, give things some time to get back to normal. physical presence can do wonders to strengthen a relationship again.

Try not to stress man, just communicate openly without attacks. Trust that she still cares until she gives you reason not to. Two more weeks - you got this bro! It'll be sweet when you're reunited.

[Asker]

That really helped a lot, I’ve been avoiding bringing up I feel like we’ve been distant for all those reasons. I don’t want to be accusatory, I don’t want to place blame, I want to be understanding. She is absolutely the kind of person that needs physical closeness, and we are really great together. Literally the only major issues we’ve had has been because of the distance and move directly. I was under a lot of stress too back then and I am feeling so much better and am making an active effort to be the best person I can be for her.

I sometimes get into my own head and I am really glad that I have not been letting that get to her, at least I don’t think I have

[Oliverlogan263]

You're doing the right thing by not taking your insecurities out on her. Long distance can mess with your head for sure, but it takes maturity to recognize that and keep it from negatively affecting your partner. Props to you for that.

When you move, try scheduling regular date nights where you focus just on connecting. Cook her dinner, put on music, light candles - little gestures to strengthen your bond. Physical intimacy will help you both feel close again too.

It also might help to find things you're both excited about together in your new city - fitness classes, hiking spots, cool neighborhoods to explore. Shared experiences make the distance fade.

Keep communicating your feelings, but in a positive "I can't wait to..." kind of way rather than "I miss you so much". You got this man! Moving is gonna breathe new life into your relationship.

We all have moments of doubt, but you clearly care about her a lot. Trust that your love can withstand the challenges, and keep treating her right. This time next month you'll be thanking past you for not giving up hope. You've got this!