What to do if he says he doesn't feel loved by me?

[Anonymous]

I am trying my best but everytime I hear this, I feel like I am not enough. What am I doing wrong?

[Caroline91]

I'm sorry you're having this difficulty. I know it can be frustrating and discouraging. In my own experience, in talking with other women, as well as reading about communication in relationships, one thought that comes to mind is that different people, both men and women, have different things that make them feel loved. If either partner is saying that they don't feel loved, it's a serious issue that could end the relationship if not resolved. Instead of bumping around in the dark and banging your head against the wall trying out different things, have you just tried asking him what he needs from you to feel loved? Ask him and then really listen to what he tells you. Ask questions/clarify. Make sure you really understand what he tells you. One generalization about men that is almost universally true is that they need physical intimacy to feel loved. That doesn't necessarily mean sexual intercourse, although that can certainly be part of it. Do you touch him regularly,,, rub your hand in circles on his back, snuggle up next to him on the couch while watching a movie, play with his hair, softly run you nails up and down the back of his neck, slowly run your hand up his inner thigh, give him a full body hug, just playfully jump on him and wrestle with him? Also, plenty of eye contact is effective in communicating that you are *there* with him. Assuming that he cares for you and wants to be with you, his feeling this way doesn't mean you aren't enough. More likely, it means there is a breakdown in how effectively you are communicating your love to him so that he really feels it. Do you feel loved by him? If so, then he is doing a good job of showing you how he feels in a way you are able to receive that message. You need to figure out what HIS love language is and then learn to speak it fluently! Wishing you luck. Now go find out how to give your man what he needs from you :)

[Asker]

Thank you so much for taking your time to respond with such a thoughtful response, I really appreciate it and would consider all the points you made, thank you so much🩷

[Caroline91]

You're welcome. I hope some of it helps. Please remember, all of what I said is assuming that he really does care for you and wants to be with you. If that isn't the case, nothing will work because he is most likely looking for an out, but doesn't want to hurt you. Good luck!

[Seinna]

It's good that he tells you. Many guys won't and will pretend to just to string you along. So if he has the decency to tell you that he doesn't love you... treat this as an opportunity to find someone who does. Experience tells me that there's nothing that you can do right or wrong to make someone love you. There are no specific reasons for falling in love and there is nothing wrong with you, he's just not the one. There's thousands of people around you and you only need to match with one. And you will if you stop wasting time with the one that does not and will not reciprocate your feelings. I've heard a great advice recently - instead of focusing on whom you love, focus on who loves you. And see if you can love them as well.

[Jessica405]

You aren't doing anything wrong. He just has expectations that are too high. He has to get real and accept you for who you are. Not what he wants you to be.

Tell him you are who you are. If he doesn't like it, he can ship out.

[Asker]

Thanks jessica..🩷

[Jessica405]

No worries! Stay safe!

[NotTacocaT6969]

Ask him what would make him feel loved.

[spartan55]

Ask him, and listen.

[mmmBadBoy]

Nice goood swett