Will leaving make him fight for me and come back?

Question

My boyfriend ended the relationship saying he doesn’t know if we have a future together and that he is lost and doesn’t know what he wants for his life ( he is 40 years old), and we work together but he acts like he wants to comeback but he doesn’t. I talked to him many times, he say he loves me but he is not ready to comeback yet, but at work he acts in a way someone who wants breakup wouldn't. I thought that he is taking me for granted because he knows I really love him and he knows Im working there and he doesn’t think I will leave, and he doesn't want me to leave. Do you think If I actually give notice he will wake up and comeback? I work at his restaurant and directly with him. He still has our pictures on his fridge door, he say he is stuck on me and that he is not ready to lose me but he doesn’t come back... I need Help

DannyUk2017 · Accepted Answer

You said your "answer" to your issue right here..."he is 40 and he doesn't know what he wants"... well there are a "few" issues that i'm sure there are in "his" head, or he is "playing his cards", he already knows what he wants but he plays Dumb...
1st issue (works in a restaurant)
1st solution (he seen lots of other women, he seen "other" opportunities).
2nd issue (he wants to keep you at arm's leght)
2nd solution (not good for you), wants you his side chick (hence the back and forth, i want you but i don't want you, you want to leave, but i don't want you to leave)...🤦‍♂️
So this has to be if you didn't knowdest by now a Massive Red Flag, you better cut your losses, and move on... otherwise you'll become a "chess piece" that will just be moved around... ah he knows you will not leave him, and you'll always be there..."for him", when he will fuck it up!

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

If you're walking away like that that's kind of a game cuz you think that in a roundabout where you're going to trick him into coming back.

Instead of saying it like that why don't you just say I can't Make you Love Me you can't make me love you I'm walking away and if you love me you know where I'm at and if you don't well it was nice it was good and then just move on if that's the case because you can't make anybody love you and you don't want to even try doing that because then it's fake

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don’t mean to be harsh and I apologize if what I say offends anyone; but at 40 years old, if a man doesn’t know what he wants for his life, he never will. You deserve to be with someone who is certain about wanting to be with you, otherwise all you’re doing is being settled for. Stability is a lot sexier than being wishy-washy.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

The best way to attract a guy without chasing him is he to be happy and positive and ambitious and nice person. I find happiness through smiles and confidence through courage are the easiest way to manipulate how a guy feels about you.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Hmm..

Forget about your feelings and think about this. You're still young and can find someone who will treat you much better, than stay in a relationship where the man—at 40 years old, still doesn't know what he wants in the future. 🤔

Ask yourself:

Option A: Do you really want to waste years of your life with someone who doesn't see a future with you?

Option B: Do you want to someone new who will treat you right, not take you for granted, and possibly be serious enough to marry you, plan to have a family, etc?

If he comes back after Option B, make him work hard for it. Personally, I won't care anymore about this guy. Plus, he was the one who dumped you. That's enough reason to leave him alone.

Mr_twoface · Answer

If you want to know how serious he is with you or just isn't mature enough, flag that you are considering changing jobs since you can't live like this. You want to be loved and wants to be in a relationship and if he is not willing to make up his mind and commit to you, you feel you better seek elsewhere. Then at work be professional in your duties and avoid joking/socializing too much with him. Give him and yourself the space. Then let it play out… see his reaction and don’t allow him to take you for granted. Along the way, you need to decide for yourself as well what you want. Want to play this “tom and jerry” game (you are not teens anymore) or take mature steps towards finding someone who will cherish you and respect you!

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

If you're serious about leaving your job in the hope he calls your bluff, then you are a lost cause!

I say that with no wish to beat you down, but I think you need a reality check.
My advice to you is grow up. I mean that honestly and without malice. Start putting your job first. Start making grown up decisions. that are less about guys who may or may not come back to you. Look for stability in what you have control over.
THEN if he comes back, you are in a position to decide if you even WANT him back. You see how you turn the tables in your favour? Not by giving in your notice, which incidently shows him you're just giving up!

imtiaz45 · Answer

Leaving someone with the hope it will make them fight for you and return is a complex decision. While it may provoke a reaction, there's no guarantee it will result in the desired outcome. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication and mutual respect. If there are issues, addressing them directly might be more effective than resorting to leaving as a tactic. Additionally, consider your own well-being and whether the relationship aligns with your values and needs. Ultimately, the decision to leave or stay should prioritize your emotional health and fulfillment rather than solely relying on the hope of someone else's reaction.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

If i were in your situation, i’d leave. But if you’re leaving just to make him chase you, don’t bother. You’re made for each other with that combination of dysfunction. Ell oh ell!
He may very well be taking you for granted, because you remain so accessible. He also might just not want to fire you for fear of a lawsuit. Either way, if he’s either not working through his crap or unwilling to let you help him work through his crap without taking away your humanity, you should probably leave. You don’t owe him anything once he ended the relationship. If leaving DOES make him chase you, RESIST the urge to go back. You two should take some time to figure yourselves out and THEN get back together to see if you’re right for each other. As you’ve written it, i think you have some codependency going on, and that might actually be contributing to his desire for some space. Or he have his own issues.
In short, it’s probably best you leave IF you’re not just leaving to make him chase you.

DishLady · Answer

Ahh… Romcom expectations. Unless you’re the producer of the film and the guy HAS to come back… leaving is leaving. Don’t play and toy with a guy. It’s not nice.

(Guys… you’re not off the hook. Same goes for you. Don’t play games with a person you actually care about.)

Anonymous · Answer

No ma’am it won’t. You’re worth more than being someone’s shelved option. Make the decision for yourself to move on from the job if that’s what YOU WANT but don’t do it to make him act a certain way. You will hate yourself in the long run if you go down that path.

Staximus · Answer

I don't see why he can't be in a relationship with you while he figures out what to do with his life. Sometimes you just have to exist for a while until you figure out how to live again, how to make a happy life for yourself again.

spartan55 · Answer

Wow, here we are again. I responded to this same post yesterday. The answers are all basically the same. Are you hoping if you keep reposting it enough someone will give you the opinion you want to hear? Snap out of it woman, do you really think ALL of these opinions are wrong?

ProbablyClueless · Answer

No, and honestly, why would you even want that work?

In the best case scenario, if he decides to fight for you, you already know he doesn't value you enough to be responsive to your needs as you express them normally, and that he doesn't respect the answer "no."

In your worst case scenario, he believes you the first time you say "no" and he respects the fact that you felt it was time to walk away.

SotiCoto · Answer

Why is it that almost everyone here wants to resort to trickery or deceit to fix their relationships?
This is obviously something that needs to be talked through openly and honestly, without any attempts at manipulation.
If you can't fix it by being honest, it isn't worth fixing.

sheikalana · Answer

Is not granted that he will come back if you leave. Acting a certain way to cause a reaction is a bit manipulative and childish. If you want to leave your job quit because you found something better not to get his attention that's petty behavior. What if he never comes back? Move on with your life you seem to be as stuck on him as he is on you and this doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

lightbulb27 · Answer

something deeper is going on and ya have to figure out why he won't commit.

Unit1 · Answer

Leave him and don't expect this loser to come back. This wishy washy thing of his is going nowhere.

c4rtm4nroolz · Answer

I don’t understand why women think like this, stop playing games with yourself & him. you’re seriously messing with your future.

nawtee_me · Answer

Never get involved with someone you work with and for sure someone you work for…. You should leave because it isn’t right for him to get involved with someone who works for him. What does that say to the others there?

dustybiker2 · Answer

Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? Respect yourself and find someone who does.

Billlewis · Answer

It may very well be successful, or it could drive him away.

WhitneySnow · Answer

He’s your boss. He’s only stringing you along so you won’t quit.

sheenagwapa · Answer

if you leave you leave don't go back... only the scammers and liarss do that

Will leaving make him fight for me and come back?

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