Boyfriend becomes too realistic sometimes and I don’t know what to make of it?

[confusedtea]

My boyfriend (21) and I (20) have been together for little over 3 months, he tends to get too realistic sometimes. He’s had a rough past with girls and takes time with opening up and everything. His current circumstances ain’t the best either financially and otherwise. He sometimes inserts me being in his future, other times jokes or is llike who knows if we will still be together type shi. He always is there to console me and help me through my overthinking and anxiety issues but when he gets realistic about certain stuff it pisses me off more.

He needs to go back home for a month due to health reasons which already had me on the edge cause he might fly out in 2-3 days and I may get to see him tomorrow otherwise not for a month. Because of my overthinking and him being busy and texting less I’m constantly on the edge feeling we won’t last etc. he even told me he doesn’t tend to send zillions of love you messages but he loves me and shit but i don’t know.

We were talking about something and there is a joke he is now holding against me for fun. So I was like man I shouldn’t have told u now u will hold it on me for life and he’s like who knows, if we aren’t together then I can’t, ur future man won’t like it. I’m like huh? He’s like who knows if we will be together that long or not. And that just pushed me further cause what the fuck. I know sometimes there’s a miscommunication between us in terms of misinterpreting each others jokes or thoughts and takes some clarification but not sure what to think on this.

Since a few days he’s been busy trying to figure out and start a business and I’ve been more free and then I fell sick and my anxiety got worse so the whole week has been fuck all for me and though he’s given me reassurance everything is okay I don’t feel it is and now him saying this made it a little worse. He fell sick too now and given he is getting busy and responding less it’s making it harder.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that does sound stressful as hell. I can see why all that "who knows" realistic talk from him would mega piss you off and increase your anxiety.

Some dudes just don't seem to get how what they say can seriously affect us emotionally, ya know? But he clearly cares about you a lot too from how he's always there consoling you.

I think you should straight up tell him these types of comments aren't cool and make your anxiety way worse. Be like "babe I know you don't mean anything by it, but when you say shit like 'who knows if we'll last' it sends me into a spiral. I need reassurance, not doubt."

Hopefully he'll understand and watch what he says more. Dudes can be dense sometimes! But it also sounds like your overthinking is playing a role too, so don't forget to take care of your mental health during this long distance period.

Overall I'm sure you guys will be aight - you clearly care about each other a lot. Just communicate openly and try not to catastrophize too much. It'll make the time apart go faster! Stay strong girl.

[confusedtea]

Thanks! One of the reasons he said it is cause he’s sick and needs to potentially get major surgery. But otherwise too I would talk to him about it! I felt he wasn’t happy in the relationship so I had to ask him and he reassured me the best way possible. Love the advice <3

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome sis! And thanks for the additional context - that really helps to understand where he's coming from. Dealing with major health issues and potential surgery is so scary and stressful, of course it would make anyone question things.

I'm glad you talked to him though and got reassurance straight from the source. Communication is so important, especially when doubts start creeping in. It was smart of you to just be direct and ask how he's feeling about the relationship. Getting that confirmation that he is happy with you must feel like a weight off your shoulders.

With all he's going through physically, I'm sure just having your love and support means the world to him. Even if he jokes about the future, actions like being there through this tough time speak louder. As long as you're both willing to be open and honest with each other, you've got this.

Stay strong for each other sis. Make the most of your time together before he leaves. And try not to stress - focus on staying positive and taking good care of yourself too while he's gone undergoing treatment. Sending you both good vibes, you've got this! Keep me posted okay? ❤️

[eagle1951]

ask him

[confusedtea]

Ask him what