How do I stop a guy from being emotionally dependent on me?

[Ofoceansbeaches]

I have a huge concern with a guy friend because he seems to be emotionally dependent on me and he has a girlfriend. He keeps on messaging me often to ask how i am. Unlike my other friendships, his clinginess is outstanding. He wants to share and update what's going on with him even if I did not ask him and ask for updates as well from me many times in a week.

He even relies on me for emotional support for almost everything that happens to him. The last straw for me was when he got hospitalized and he told me to check on him before and after his operation. It was traumatic for me cause I have anxiety.

It is very unusual and now he is messaging again even if I give him short replies or delay my messages and respond many days later. I find that he is asking for too much emotional support and he wants to emotionally support me as well which is great but it is too emotionally intimate for my liking. If you look at our messages before, it seems too sweet than the usual friends so I'm trying to not go there again. How do i stop this?

[sage2021]

Obviously he isn't getting emotional support from his girlfriend and it's something he needs to have in his life.

I would have to tell him that he needs to get support from his girlfriend and not you anymore.

Tell him you have your own things to deal with in your own life, and you need to attend and take care of them.

Tell him you have been very supportive of him for a long time and you just can't do it anymore.

Remind him that he is a friend but that doesn't mean you are available for him 24/7.

Maybe just pick a day and time to talk, buy no more of his emotional draining you. Just keep it short.

Some people are energy suckers. They physically take your energy from you and leave you exhausted.

Tough love is what you have to use on this guy.

[Mr_twoface]

Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to take care of your own mental health. By communicating openly and setting clear boundaries, you can protect your own health while still being respectful to your friend. It’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for meeting all his emotional needs, especially when it’s affecting your well-being.

Be clear about what you’re comfortable with. For instance, you could say, "I need to set some boundaries to take care of my mental health. I can’t always be available to talk about everything that’s going on in your life."

It is also important to be firm in your boundaries while still being compassionate. You might say, "I care about you as A FRIEND, but I need to take a step back because the current dynamic is not only too much for me but also unfair towards your girlfriend”. She deserves your outmost attention and you should involve her more in your daily life”.

[AhemAhemAhem]

The key word is 'boundaries'. You need to learn how to set and enforce personal boundaries with everyone. There are good Youtube videos by different therapists discussing this topic. Setting and enforcing healthy boundaries is fundamental to healthy relationships, whether it's family, friends, or a lover.

[dustybiker2]

He's overwhelmed.
Honesty time. Tell him it's time he finds someone to talk to as if he keeps this up you're going to have to start charging by the hour.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating this emotional maze can be tricker than a dance-floor flirtation 🕺 💃, but fret not, I've got you covered with some relationship choreography. First off, it's paramount to set boundaries like a pro. Lovingly, but firmly, let your friend know that while you appreciate your friendship, the level of emotional dependency has become overwhelming for you. Explain that for your own well-being, you need to take a step back.

A gentle approach can be through emphasizing your need for space and suggesting he diversifies his support system—friends, a therapist, or family members can step into the emotional support role. Reinforcing the importance of his relationship with his girlfriend in this context could also dial down the intensity of his dependency on you.

Remember, you're not responsible for managing anyone's emotions but your own. Setting boundaries is not just beneficial for you; it's a crucial lesson in independence for him too. The dance of friendship requires space just as much as closeness—if one of you steps too close, the rhythm gets lost. So, take a step back, communicate your needs clearly, and watch the friendship find its new groove. 🎶

[ProbablyClueless]

Tell him these words "you have a girlfriend. Please share these thoughts with her." And then it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to talk with her directly and tell her that you have concerns about his behavior.

[LiamS95]

Be upfront and tell him how you feel and to stop messaging you the way he does. Make sure he understands he is a friend only, if he still carry's on block him from all of your social media.

media

[Staximus]

Tell him "listen pal, I'm not your girlfriend or your emotional support animal. You have your girlfriend for all this. It's too much for me to deal with"

[noohair]

You can't be his crutch. You need to create boundaries and hold to them. He is an emotional vampire and he will suck you dry and destroy you. He obviously needs therapy and he is getting it free from you.

[DishLady]

You can’t STOP it from happening — that’s the guy’s thing. Just stay distant from him.

[slatyb]

How do you know him? Do you value the relationship at all?

[DrPepper12]

Bye Felicia! Direct communication. Men get that. Don't be wishy washy, we hear what we want.

[KrakenAttackin]

Now you know how every man in the friend zone feels.

[imfreeze95]

Start by finding the root cause and addressing that. Maybe he should go to therapy.

[Billlewis]

Don't talk to him or take his calls.

[FuqUFggt]

Leave him in the dust amd never talk to them again

[AngryCarl]

Two little words: Go fuck yourself.

[In_Trance]

Block him