I hooked up with this girl from my class and now she’s being weird. Any advice?

[Ghostwave777]

I (25yo M) knew this girl (23yo) from class for a year. Around January I asked her to go hang out with me and we went to an arcade. We had a great time and we met again a few weeks later to get dinner together. I got her flowers and picked her up. When she saw the flowers she said she didn’t know it was a date even though I asked her to dinner. We had a good dinner and after went to the beach where we talked and I eventually brought up the flowers. She said she thought we were just hanging out as friends and didn’t know it was a date. Then tells me she’s lesbian and she is emotionally attached to women cause she’s been traumatized by men in past relationships. I asked if she’d ever date a guy and she said no and so I said well then I guess kissing you is off the table. She said well I said I’m emotionally into women but find some men physically attractive. So we ended up making out. She then said let’s go back to the car. As we’re walking back I hold her hand and she says “just cause we’re holding hands doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship.” I went to the restroom real quick and came back to the car and was going to leave when she said “wait! Did you want to stop there or keep going?” I said I’m down for whatever and she said we can go in the back seat. We ended up hooking up and I asked her what our dynamic will be from here on. She said she still wants to be friends but if we’re hanging out and we’re both up to it then we can hook up again. She said we’re not in a relationship and we’re not gonna be texting all the time. Well I’m always the one initiating any texts, and we were texting frequently after. She’s take a few hours to get back but would carry on the conversations. Eventually I just stopped texting and let things be after some back and forth for a few weeks. I went back to class and she didn’t know I was coming. When I walked in we made eye contact and she looked nervous. She immediately looked to the side and was later nervously laughing. Any advice?

[Juneberry91]

Hello ghostwave,

You like really do like this girl & sounds to me how you went about things a perfect gentleman you are.

This girl has revealed trama from men, is a lesbian but can be physical interested in me sometimes doesn't want a relationship but is encouraging for you to go further but is holding you afar.

Ghost wave, I want to remind you that you are responsible for your heart & what position you put yourself in. Base off of what you have shared bot you & her are reeling each other what you want and it’s important your honest with what you want vs your desires.

You have made it clear in words & actions you would like to date & pursue a relationship with her.
She has made it clear in words & in actions that she is a emotionally attracted to women & physically attracted to men due to trama with past men. Emotional attraction leads to relationships, Physical attraction only leads to sex. She also shared that it’s this way because of a past trauma with men. Please do not put yourself in the category of hero to change your mind on this. Except who she is and where she is right now, Otherwise you’re going to grow frustrated and resentful towards her overtime.

This girl is no where ready for a healthy relationship unfortunately, she has slot of healing & figuring out to do And you can’t do her homework for her.

Your position is so hard, hooking up with feels awesome but it’s not what you sold want. You want more & she can’t give you that. Now understanding where you are and where she’s at you have to make a very important decision for yourself if you will settle for just this. I would take what she is telling you Literally and start focusing on what you want out of it. I totally understand because we all have experienced this in our lives sometimes several times :/ I promise stay true to yourself and what you want in a relationship & you will find a girl that is more then happy to say yes with no hesitation cause you are so worth it.
Also let’s say If you had it your way and you got in a relationship right now with her you will be met with a constant back-and-forth of uncertainty and what you’re feeling right now. Just because you’re in the relationship doesn’t make things magically better in fact it can get far worse. Especially somebody who needs to untangle there trauma first.

[Ghostwave777]

Thank you for this genuine reply. I appreciate this

[Juneberry91]

Absolutely sorry for the typos!
I’m not sure if you watch Ted Lasso but there’s Roy Kent who asked “ So what do you think of the guy?”
Women “ he’s fine I guess”
Kent “ Don’t you Dare settle for fucking Fine”

Basically Roy Kent is telling his female friend don’t you dare settle for less.

Don’t misunderstand this girl you like is not less I’m saying that she is giving you less for what you are Intentionally seeking for.

You’re wanting to date to potentially connect with a person long-term Where she will return just friends with benefits & no relationship.

This puts yourself in a place where you don’t want to be, And sometimes our hearts will tell us well they’ll change their mind! Once she sees I’m a good man she will accept. That is pinning all things on hope, Putting your heart in a slot machine for a gamble.
You got this!!!

[WhitneySnow]

She’s not sure how to act around you now that you guys hooked up. She still wants to be friends she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend but she wouldn’t mind hooking up again sometime if you’re both into it.

[misogynistic_pig]

I promote the independence of men and their separation from relationships with women.

So, if you've hooked up with a girl in your class and now she's being weird, your best bet would probably be to go your own way and focus on your own goals and objectives instead of focusing on a relationship with her.

I advocate avoiding romantic relationships with women to avoid the emotional and financial risks believed to be associated with these relationships.

I promote financial and emotional independence, the construction of relationships based on friendship and personal enrichment through the exploration of personal interests and the performance of activities that are enjoyed.

If you decide to go ahead with the relationship, it's important to have open and honest communication with the girl to understand her feelings and perspectives.

However, it is always important to remember the independence and separation of relationships with women, so any relationship you have with a woman should be carefully considered and evaluated.

[Vegasrunner]

Lol, @Ghostwave777 relax. You're making the mistake that a lot of guys your age make. You're going out trying to force a relationship. This girl is attracted to you but instead of playing it cool and just adding her to the roster You're looking to lock her down. You went out on a date and hooked up w/ her. Your job is done. You're making it awkward by pressuring her about a relationship (u haven't said that but I can tell you're leaving that part out). My advice, text her once to meet up again, if she doesn't respond, just let her go. When you do meet up don't bring flowers, don't talk about relationships, just hang out, hook up and have fun. Bi sexual girls are actually some of the best to have around because they can help you attract more women.

[Guy13]

Emergency 🆘 Broadcasting System: This is a test of the EBS…this is only a test…

She’s waiting for you to drop her at anytime and gibbing your another reason to react immaturely. Stay on reliable nice guy course.

[Selene1600000]

She already told you the dynamic clearly: she wants friendship with occasional hookups, not a relationship or consistent texting. The nervous reaction in class does not change the situation, it just shows some emotional tension, not a change in commitment. You need to decide if you are okay with a casual, unclear setup or if you should step back to protect your own feelings.

[Anonymous]

She is weird, seems like she was really traumatized by a guy before but really liked you, I don’t think she’s a lesbian, she just doesn’t want to be serious with anyone that can hurt her again, this girl would take a lot of patience and time if you want to be in a relationship with

[Jdjfjcjj]

I stopped about 5 sentences in you need some help in the dating scene

[Ghostwave777]

Hmmm you don’t say. Why do you think I asked for advice?

[Anonymous]

You need to step back and show her some respect.

[Ghostwave777]

All I’ve been was nice to this girl. I need to step back for myself and my sanity. Seems like she’s confused about what she wants

[007kingifrit]

there is no such thing as lesbians, never take a woman at her word. she likes you and you'll miss her if she's gone

[Iron_Man]

One of those girls that don’t want to admit that they’re on a date good luck with that

[Pizzette_]

She doesn't want to admit that she has now a bond with you lol

[KaiidiraX]

That girl is no Lesbian xD

[Ghostwave777]

She’s definitely bi if anything. I just don’t get why she was acting odd in class. I haven’t spoken to her for a while. She regularly looks at all of my Insta stories but if she’s nervous to be around me in class why is she keeping track of what I’m doing or still following me?

[Fuentes]

She's whack just use her and dump her

[Anonymous]

Hit it then quit it

[jimmy2]

Run away fast