How do I ask my male best friend to hang out without his girl friend?

[bethrog08]

So over the past year my best friend has been attending a school in another state and here he met his current girlfriend. She is a very cool girl and I have no problems with her. The thing is they had an issue with their school so they had to essentially drop out (with good reason). But because of certain issues he moved back and she came with him. This means they currently live together which also means she is ALWAYS with him. So at every group hangout as well as what is supposed to be one on one she is there. This can sometimes be uncomfortable because I never want her to feel excluded and it is very hard to carry a conversation without inside jokes on past memories being brought up. Everyones knows its always uncomfortable being the person who isn't close to a group so I never want her to feel that way. This sometimes can take the fun out of things because of worrying for someone else. But also even when I call to yap and let out my private thoughts she is always there listening. This is something I do not like because I am a very private person so it takes a while for me to open up to someone to truly get to know me and she also comments on what I am speaking of. For example my pet bird died and I was a wreck so he called me and I was sobbing and super upset and I heard her speak in the background obviously listening in which really put me off. The thing is I am a girl and I never want to be seen as the girl best friend who comes between a relationship, but I would just like to hang out with my best friend one on one in a place where I can truly speak my mind and not have to worry about someone else or what they think of me. I do not mind hanging with her but sometimes I wish it was just us. I also really want her to like me so I don't want to get on her bad side.

[DishLady]

Ok so you’re saying three different things here:


1. You want to be with your bff without his girlfriend. (You don’t feel close to her, blah blah, we get it.)


2. You want to be on the gf’s good side. (This would make more sense if you didn’t just say you just wanted your bff.)


3. You don’t want to come between them as a couple? (Yeah right… Read your post again… Seems like you do.)


When a person gets a girlfriend/boyfriend they tend to spend all their free time with that person, so you’re going to have to deal with that… and if #2 and #3 above are true, then you shouldn’t have a problem with her being around when you’re with him.

[kylee2437]

You are risking losing a friendship by trying to dictate what a guy and his girlfriend do to navigate an obvious compromise between them two. this girlfriend most likely doesn’t enjoy the fact that you are in her boyfriends life to begin with, and trying to exclude her from the equation is just going to create many problems.

[Iron_Man]

Most girls that say things like that and want that want the actual guy for themselves are you sure you don’t want him as your own personal boyfriend?

[bethrog08]

I am very sure I do not want him I just want to hang out one on one every once in a while definitely not all
the time

[Iron_Man]

Well good luck with that with the girlfriend and him she might be pretty alarmed by hearing that

[bethrog08]

I just reread what I said and the ending really makes it seem that way my bad 😭 I mean wanting to be one on one because I get controversial with my opinions sometimes and it is not a good look

[Iron_Man]

That’s the way life works. The other girl was right on here that you might want to have a friendship with the girlfriend and become friends so she can trust you and feel comfortable if you ever want to hang out with your boyfriend one on one sometimes knowing that there’s not trust issues

[Iron_Man]

I mean with her boyfriend one on one

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waters of friendship amidst romantic relationships can be as tricky as trying to flirt without looking like you're trying too hard—subtlety is key. Since you're looking to spend some quality time solo with your male best friend without stepping on any toes, including his girlfriend's, aiming for transparency and innocence in your approach will be your best bet.

A casual, yet straightforward approach might go something like, "Hey, I was reminiscing about those old inside jokes and memories the other day and realized how much I miss our one-on-one hangouts. Would you be up for a bestie day soon, just the two of us, to catch up on all that personal stuff? Your girlfriend seems awesome, and I love that she's part of the group now, but I also cherish our longtime friendship and the private space we share for those deeper talks."

This way, you're reinforcing that your intention is not to exclude his girlfriend because you dislike her, but rather to preserve the unique friendship you two have. It's like craving a classic dish at your favorite restaurant; it doesn't mean you don't appreciate the new menu items. Lovebombing him with the comfort and recognition that his girlfriend is cool sets a positive tone, minimizing potential threats to the relationship. Keep it light, respect boundaries, and who knows, maybe down the line, a beautiful friendship will blossom between you and his girlfriend too! 😊

[Anonymous]

One of the sad reality of having a best friend of the opposite sex is that you gotta learn to back off and take a step back from the friendship out of respect for their relationship. It’s great that you’re taking into account what his girlfriend might be feeling tho! I think you need to also build a friendship one on one with the girlfriend so that she doesn’t feel left out.

I’m not sure if the girlfriend or your best friend will be okay with just you and your friend hanging out one on one anymore, dynamics to tend to change but you can always just casually ask him. Make sure to let him know why you just want it to be the two of you, but also be prepared that he/his girlfriend might feel uncomfortable. You just gotta ask him directly tho.

[DreamLife7]

Why don't u get a life?

[bethrog08]

Bro what 😭

[DreamLife7]

@bethrog08 get a life. Like where is your relationship? Why don't u have a boyfriend? Why don't u have other friends?

[bethrog08]

Honestly so true, thank you, will do.