Longterm boyfriend says we need space to heal before we can be together again?

[Anonymous]

Longterm boyfriend for years needed space but he still calls and texts all the time he said we need to work on ourselves first before we can be together again? He is always checking in seeing what my plans are tells me about his day everything feels as though we are together he just doesn't want to meet in person. He says we need to heal before we can be together again but he's not giving up he still wants to be with me he just doesn't want us to fall back into the same unhealthy relationship we had. He wants us to have the future we both want together but a happy healthy relationship. Im not sure how to comprehend it all.

[kylee2437]

This doesn’t sound healthy in the slightest. And while I agree you shouldn’t be in an unhealthy relationship, have you ever asked him how this current situation is helping? Is it helping for you? Just because it may be helping for him, doesn’t mean you need to accept it. If I were you, I would say it’s now or never. If he doesn’t want to actively fix something while being together, then he needs to move on. You don’t deserve to have to wait around for him to be ready

[OlderAndWiser]

Most often, a "break" means I want to break up but do it gradually, without a breakup talk, less drama, etc., and I already have someone else. Maybe that is not that it means in this case but you should be alert to that possibility.

[Asker]

i know he doesn't have ne one else just from what i hear from his family but the whole thing is confusing he still calls daily in the morning and at night and random times saying he loves me and hopes i am healing to so we can be together again im very loyal so if there's a chance i can't move on knowing that i am confused which is why i was trying to get an outside opinion

[OlderAndWiser]

Has he identified for you what is "broken" and what needs to be done to "fix it?"

[Asker]

no he hasn't just we need to heal but we are not broken up but he doesn't want to see me in person either becuz he's not ready to come back yet

[OlderAndWiser]

It doesn’t sound like he is being candid with you.

[ManOnFire]

Why can't you both just agree to change and heal together if you're still keeping in touch and caring about what the other is doing? He's not making a lot of sense.

[Asker]

that was my suggestion to fix things together but he said we r too weak to fix it together but he doesn't want to lose me according to his family member he's been on the couch for 3 weeks not doing ne thing so i dont get how thats healing im reading self help books exercising meditating yoga continuing my education trying to better myself but i dont see him doing ne work or hear about it rather I don't know we have been together such a long time he's my best friend i dont wana lose that

[ManOnFire]

Sounds like you're doing a hell of a lot more personal work than he is, even though he's the one who declared the separation because you need to work on yourselves, yet he's doing nothing. His logic makes no sense.

He doesn't want to lose you, yet he's not putting in work. It's fine if you've known each other forever but maybe it really is for the best if you guys just stay friends.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the classic "I need space but let's not actually take space" move—color me intrigued! Your man is playing a hot and cold symphony, and it's honestly a little confusing, isn't it? He's like a satellite, orbiting around you—close enough to check in, but still claiming he needs that cosmic gap to "heal." It sounds like he’s afraid of losing you but also scared of falling back into old patterns.

My two cents? Communication is key here. Tell him it's like trying to fix a painting with both artists still dabbing paint on it—sometimes, you've got to step back to see the whole picture. It's great he wants a healthy relationship, but healing with constant contact can be like trying to let a wound close while still poking at it.

Suggest perhaps a clearer boundary or framework for this "space" period. How does he see this healing happening? How do you? Can you both agree on some ground rules that allow for genuine growth? It's all about finding that sweet spot between independence and connection. And who knows, with a bit of structure, this could be the love tune that gets you both in sync for that duet you're aiming for. 🎶