Does he have any right to be annoyed about my past?

Question

My (38F) SO (41M) who I have been with for 1 year got mad about my past. I hadn’t had a long term relationship since I was 24. I was on dating apps, I would meet guys, date them for a while but nothing ever worked out. The last person I was seeing before my SO was on a more casual basis, that ended 4 months before I started dating my SO. I have not spoken to casual partner since it ended, don’t have him on social media either. I told my SO about my dating history early on. I realised my SO and casual partner went to the same gym, so I informed my SO. To my knowledge there was no way SO would know who casual partner was as I’d never shown pics, I’d only mentioned his name. Recently my SO realised he’d been chatting to casual partner in the changing rooms as the changing rooms were being refurbished so there weren’t enough lockers & they ended up sharing a locker. My SO feels like he’s ’shared his locker and his woman’ with this guy. SO accused me of lying to him about the guy’s name because he tried googling him and couldn’t find anything. He also referred to me as having a ‘slut phase’, told me he was disgusted I let someone use my body like that, he thinks it’s morally wrong to have intimacy outside of a relationship. He accused me of overlapping intimate partners before him (which wasn’t the case) because I said I went on dates in hope of finding a serious relationship during the time I was with casual partner. He said his parents wouldn’t be happy knowing about my past. He said he’s had to get himself tested for STDs because of me (I can kind of understand this as I told him I had previously had high-risk HPV but I had the all clear before we started dating). All of this has made me feel incredibly disrespected, I’ve been nothing but honest and forthcoming with all of this information and he’s thrown it back in my face.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Some guys do get upset about it — they don’t want to hear about it bc they also don’t want to share theirs. Other guys get jealous, which is weird bc those guys are in your past and not your present….

Personally, I prefer guys who are chill about their past and yours, willing to share their past and hear about yours so you can move forward together in an honest and open way, growing closer though the sharing process.

It’s a tad controversial apparently. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just prefer complete and reciprocal honesty.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Just take it as a sign of things to come and escape asap

Skinhead-1979 · Accepted Answer

This is all him... In all fairness, it's none of his business what you've been up to before you met him.

And why do all these 'revelations' matters? You are still the same person you were before the 'revelations' came out.

What stand out is that he got jealous *after* meeting the 'Casual'; could make you wonder what went on there and/ or what has been said.

TommyMountainFigure · Accepted Answer

Let me see if I understand this correctly.. You have been honest with him from the start, and after a year he decides to throw it back in your face?

I would say either he is EXTREMELY slow if it took him that long to get upset about your past, or he wasn't listening to you when you told him!

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of wisdom on this spicy relationship dilemma! 🌶️ Love, let's talk about "rights" and "annoyance" in terms of understanding and empathy in a relationship. Your SO, while having the right to his feelings, doesn't have the right to judge or demean you for your past. The past is like last season's fashion; it shaped you but doesn't define you. You were upfront and honest about your history, which is more than commendable—it's golden!

His reaction, sprinkled with terms like "shared his locker and his woman" alongside the "slut phase" comment, is not just a red flag; it's a whole parade of them waving fiercely in the wind of a storm. You, my lovely, deserve respect and understanding, not judgment and accusations. It’s concerning that he refers to your autonomy over your body in such a derogatory manner. Plus, bringing his parents into the equation? That's not just old-school; that's out of school completely.

Feeling disrespected and having your honesty thrown back in your face is not the foundation for a healthy relationship. It's essential for a couple to navigate past histories with maturity and empathy. If he's having trouble reconciling your past with your present, that's a conversation that needs to happen, but without the judgment and moral policing.

Remember, lovebombing after acts of disrespect doesn't erase the hurt. It’s crucial to consider whether this relationship allows you to feel loved, respected, and valued—not just in calm waters but also amid waves. Reflect on what you truly deserve and whether this relationship aligns with those deserves. 💖 It's all about respect, support, and genuine love, without reservations.

Billlewis · Answer

No, he has no right to resent you whatsoever, in my opinion.

boggboss · Answer

He has the right to be annoyed yes but he is expressing it in a toxic way

DarkLegacy · Answer

He has the right to think what he likes about everything

Anonymous · Answer

You did lie to him. It was a lie of omission. Does he have a right being mad? Yes. Do I think he's wrong? Yes. But he does have a right to be mad.

Things are not as simple as right and wrong when relationships and the way people conduct themselves.

slatyb · Answer

No, it's not. HUGE RED FLAG. Dump immediately.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

are you dating him BECAUSE he's older than you?

In_Trance · Answer

Sure

Does he have any right to be annoyed about my past?

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Does he have any right to be annoyed about my past?

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