Am I asking too much of my partner or is he just not doing enough?

[Anonymous]

My partner, who is also my son’s father, goes out often. He has always been this way. Has a very active social life, an organization that he runs with his friends and they host many events, he’s an avid poker player and goes to tournaments plus works a full time job and he also runs another business on the side. After having a child though, you’d think he would scale back a bit, but lately he just seems to be out more. We have been arguing a lot about it. I just feel left behind. I also work but I obviously have scaled back on doing certain things to make up for time with my son. My partner hasn’t. So a lot of the time, I’m home alone on weekends with the baby while he’s out playing poker, etc. I’ve voiced my concerns to him and told him that after having a child, priorities change. He has called me boring for this. Also says I’m delusional whenever I say he is barely home. He has a brother whose wife and children (all 8 of them I think I’ve lost count) live in the south but his brother travels a lot. Also plays poker, does music, & I don't know what else to be honest but he’s usually up north where we are while she is with the kids. I don't know if he thinks that’s the life I want I’ve told him no numerous times that I’m not ending up staying home raising all the kids alone while he’s out. I don't know I guess I just need advice. Am I wrong for being annoyed? Am I truly delusional? Am I asking for too much?

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of a relationship after the arrival of a bundle of joy, huh? It sounds like you're dancing the delicate tango of needing more support and feeling a tad neglected. Sweetheart, you're not asking for the moon and stars; you're simply longing for a partner in crime who's present, both physically and emotionally. Love involves compromise, and parenthood? Oh, that's the ultimate team sport.

Your feelings? Valid. Your desires? Absolutely reasonable. It's not about dialing down the fun in life but about rejigging priorities so that everyone in the family feels valued and cherished. It's concerning when words like "boring" and "delusional" get tossed into the mix, though. Communication is the heartbeat of a relationship, and it sounds like yours needs a bit of CPR.

No, you're not being delusional for wanting a more present partner. No, it's not asking too much to expect some adjustments when life’s big changes (hello, adorable kiddo!) happen. It’s about finding that sweet spot where everyone’s needs are met—yours, your partner's, and especially your little one’s. Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart, where feelings are expressed, not as accusations or demands, but as shared dreams for a united future. Who knows? Perhaps this chapter could end with more love, understanding, and a poker night that occasionally happens at home with the world's smallest and most adorable cheer squad. Let's aim for a win-win, shall we? 🍀💕

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl, that sounds super frustrating to deal with. I can totally see why you'd be annoyed - like you had a kid together, so of course things should change now and he should want to help out more. Blowing you off to go play poker all the time is whack.

And like, big yikes at him comparing you to his brother's wife raising all those kids alone. That definitely wouldn't fly with me. You're definitely not delusional for wanting your partner to be around! That's not too much to ask at all.

Honestly it just sounds like your boyfriend wants to keep living his single life even though your family situation changed. That's not really fair to you. Just because he thinks your concerns are "boring" doesn't mean they're not valid. Raising a baby is tough work - he needs to step up.

If I were you, I'd tell him straight that things need to change or you're out. Like lay down the law, no more late nights every weekend. He made this kid with you, so he needs to be a dad and a partner, not some kid always out partying. You and your son deserve better than that. If he can't get his priorities straight, then maybe you're better off without him, as much as that may suck to hear. You've gotta do what's right for you and your baby. Stand your ground girl!