No anonymous replies. Show some backbone on this one please.
Was it a breakup?
Was it because you weren't successful with the opposite gender?
Was it cheating?
Do you feel it's right to generalize even if you were or are hurt emotionally?
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19 d
I'm getting actual thoughtful and insightful answers on here without mindless hate. Shocking. Amazing what turning off the anonymous replies will do. Thank you everyone for your great answers and replies.
Has anything about the opposite sex made you resentful of that entire gender?
There were times when I was frustrated and discouraged, and when I really didn't understand or appreciate myself as a man. I'll admit that I may have felt somewhat bitter (never acted on it), but I never felt outright resentful.
Details (if you're interested)...
In the past, I'd dated two girls who had messed up families (divorces, custody/child support battles, alcoholism, etc.). Another had been sexually, physically, and emotionally abused in prior relationships.
As far as my family background is concerned, the older I get and the further I get into being married, I see more of the shortcomings in my own formation as a man. I don't really even remember hearing a whole lot of discussions on what it was to be a man until I got to college. My dad, in addition to traveling for work a lot when I was younger, was very passive with my mom and gave a lot of preferential treatment to my younger sisters; in my opinion, if we were to use castle imagery, he treated my older brother and me more like court jesters rather than, if you will, young princes or kings in training. Consequently, the elder of my two younger sisters seems to think that everyone who isn't her is either an idiot or malicious, particularly if said person is a man (my wife agrees). She won't outright say it, but we do get that sense from her.
It also didn't help that at his apex, he was 6'4", at least 300 pounds, and had very explosive and easily triggered anger (he was not physically abusive at all, but he overreacted to a lot).
Likewise, I also grew up when "girl power" was the thing and men were often portrayed in media as dumb, lazy oafs whose wives and kids had to save the day. The culture within the Catholic Church was (and still very much is; it has been since the 1960s) oriented heavily towards women and has been largely neglectful of men; there are many reasons why men don't go to Mass as often and aren't becoming priests.
To sum all that up, I think there's a very good chance that I could have become resentful. The circumstances were definitely there. Thank God that didn't happen though. I mainly credit my attendance at the Traditional Latin Mass - which is a much more masculine liturgy than most Catholics are used to - and my relationship with my wife. I've also known plenty of good, mature, intelligent, and virtuous women.
You're very welcome. A lot of people here are complaining about the ways that G@G has declined (and truthfully, I don't think they're totally wrong). I appreciate seeing good quality questions like this and try to give answers that match.
And to clarify, when I said my wife agrees, I meant that she agrees with my assessment of my sister's outlook on men. I'm sure that's what was understood, but I just wanted to clarify. Likewise, I do love and appreciate my sister as I ought to and she is a good woman, but there's definitely that air about her.
I'll make myself vulnerable here by revealing that yes i too was once going down the incel path. it was the perception (not reality just how i perceived them at the time) that women kept choosing the bad boys over legitimate good guys which was how i viewed myself (as a good guy) and felt like i was lied to my whole life about what women really like it men... Now that was then... ill say a good 6 years ago now, but after a whole two years of self reflection and realizing i had the issues that i needed to change... and i did change.
My main issue was that i had a very severe issue with abandonment (I am the anxious attachment style if you're into attachment theory) and that anytime i felt a woman was ignoring me (real or not) it would drive me into a 'fight or flight response' where i try to salvage whatever i thought i had with whatever girl i was talking to at the moment... and of course it led to them actually running far away from me (ignoring or sometimes blocking me outright)... a self fulfilling prophecy in a way.. and it was a bit of a loop i was in. it was difficult to get over it because instead of trying to figure it out and improving myself i would blame women for it and became susceptible to online MRA (mens rights activists) figures. It is a little embarrassing admitting this stuff but i don't mind sharing. Nowadays i have definitely changed. i know not to freak the heck out if a woman suddenly isn't giving me attention and stop making it about me. and even if she is doing it purposely then who cares? i don't need it.
Anyways im not resentful anymore to answer your question... but i used to be but i realize now a lot of it was self inflicted and not the responsibility of women. Another benefit this has given me is i know how the incels on here think... because i used to think just like them lol.
thanks mandy. yeah it seems like its totally not who i am now but yeah i feel like you might not have liked me as much back then. like just reading you bio.. i know at some points i would have violated your 'don't be pushy' boundary a little too much lol.
now of course i respect boundaries especially if they are clearly stated.
yup. i did the hard work of being introspective. there's no way around it, a lot of these incels you see need to do the same thing... but because it is a hard thing to do they won't do it. they'll stick to just blaming women for all their woes.
I'm here to sprinkle a bit of relationship magic, and let me tell you, generalizing an entire gender because of a bad experience is like saying all movies are bad because you didn't enjoy one. It's totally normal to feel hurt, betrayed, or even resentful after things like a breakup, being unsuccessful in love, or facing cheating. These experiences sting, no doubt about it, and it's easy to let those feelings color our view of the entire dating scene. But remember, love, every individual is a unique cocktail of quirks, emotions, and experiences. Instead of letting resentment brew, consider it a wild ride in the amusement park of love—some attractions thrill, some disappoint, but each is an adventure worth having. Holding onto resentment is like holding a hot coal and expecting the other person to get burned; the only one who gets hurt is you. Embrace the lessons learned and let them guide you to even deeper, more meaningful connections. Keep loving, keep living, and always keep your heart open for that blockbuster love story waiting just around the corner. 😉
Yes and no. My first relationship turned into my first marriage and was messed up from top to bottom. She cheated and did/threatened self harm if I tried to leave. There was also sabotaging of projects that I'd start investing in, or paying more attention in than her.
I got so frustrated and depressed that I just quit my job, played WoW around the clock and let myself go into debt. I also started hating myself for not being able to "get out". Anyway, the anger and frustration didn't really start setting in until she was finally gone, and I started picking the pieces up, dating other women and seeing what normal looked like.
Honestly I hated myself more for not ending things sooner and having such a narrow view much more than I ever hated her. I don't even remember what she looks like anymore, but I'll always remember feeling weak, powerless, and knowing that it was all from lacking decisiveness.
I hated women for a while, when I was more into casual rather than dating while picking up the pieces. It's a lot easier to say all women, or all men are trash than to look at yourself and say, well, I pick out some trash people from such a large pool.
I've certainly had a few bad breakups and disappointments in relationships but they happened because of the particular women involved (as well as me) and the circumstances. None of them happened because "that's just the way women are."
When relationships are working, they are great and those feelings can't be replaced by anything else. I could live without being in a relationship but I'd rather be in a relationship. Getting at odds with the female species would be horribly counterproductive and. . . there's just too much to love about women.
"I love the idea of there being two sexes, don't you?"
Years ago when I got a divorce for many years after I went through hell but I still think women are the most beautiful most smartest independent they are rulers in so many different ways and I don't care what a guy thinks women will run this world one day
We are just men A woman is a womb man It can take more pain go through more shit than just about any guy that I know and I know some badass bikers that don't mean nothing to me anyway as a matter of fact their wimps anyway. Cry babies and liars
I'm telling you one of these days women will take over the world and they will they should.
. all women are different just like all men are different
The female gender is such a gift to this word. I’ve been dealt a bad hand of women who made me feel small and took advantage / were horrible guardians when they were supposed to protect me though I must make it clear that I’ve had overwhelming love & support & kindness & friendship from a bunch of talented, strong, smart, really great women and my mother was one of them so I can’t hold the entire female gender accountable for the actions of a few bad apples. I hold people accountable on their own individual character, personality, priorities, etc. and if you are horrible person whether male or female I’ll hold you accountable based on your choices in this lifetime.
If you resent me just for being a man, sure. Just know that no matter how much you label us & show shade… I’ll still wish you the best because you deserve it, truly you deserve it. Thank you for reading this whole passage, God Bless You to all the ladies reading, you are awesome!!!
I love woman. They make great friends and I've learned so much from them. Hosestly don't know where I'd be without the woman who have come and gone in my life.
There was a phase in my life where I was certainly addicted to having sex with woman lol and that lead to some shitty situations sometimes with shitty people. Sometimes caused by me. But I was younger and had less disciplined and I began to feel resentment building up.
I started walking around and getting mad practically everytime I saw a woman and luckily I recognized how ridiculous that is lol. Some of what fixed me was being alone with my thoughts but a lot of it was the nurturing female friends I had around me.
So I understand guys who get resentful, but it's also a little boy thing. It's hard for me to truly have respect for someone like that especially knowing first hand where it comes from.
So far as generalizations go. I don't think there's anything wrong with them in conversation and certain instances.
For example, there are certain conversations I can have with almost any guy after knowing them for 5 minutes that most woman I couldn't have with them until after we had sex or have known eachother for a long time, maybe never.
We all make generalizations I guess a lot of the time without realizing it. It's how our brains are wired. We work off pattern recognition from abstract association of memory and senses.
My general rule is to use generalizations as little as possible and to always give individual people a clean slate. But I'm not exactly going to be caught off guard by a white woman who doesn't like to cook. Or a hispanic woman clocking the direction of my gaze constantly... Without even looking at me that's what was crazy about that girl.
But ya I honestly don't have a lot of hate in my heart in the first place. I like seeing people do well and be generally happy.
I don’t think there is anything about a particular person that can make one resentful of an entire gender. Or maybe I’ve just been lucky and most of the girls I’ve met – the ones I’ve dated and the ones that I haven’t, even if they have been (or still are) big crushes – were all wonderful people to be with. I think you gravitate towards the people you feel some form of affinity with. There are people in all genders that you won’t get along with, who might hurt you. I’ve learned to avoid them as much as I can. One toxic person will not make me resent the others.
We’ve all had break-ups and some of those have been painful experiences. Just as we’ve hurt others when we break up with them.
If there is one thing I’d like to point out, it is that women may have very high expectations when they sense a relationship is getting serious. It’s like we guys need to pass a test, or a series of tests, to see if we qualify. Only they never tell us what the rules of the game are. I’ve had questions where you start to think “Does she really want to know my answer, or is she checking to see if I’m able to come up with the answer she expects?”
This in turn can make me feel hesitant with women. You want to be a good husband, a perfect dad, a good companion and even a friend. Maybe it has something to do with me constantly over-analyzing things.
It wasn’t the fact that she broke up with me that hurt.
It was more that she wanted to keep the whole relationship a secret from basically everyone. I felt more like a dirty little secret then a partner.
on top of that when I was going through a difficult period with some personal stuff her solution was basically man up or Im leaving you. So I just pretended to be ok.
Then after she left me much later I later I learned that she never felt attraction towards me at all and had to force herself to feel anything towards me at all the entire half a year we were together and she was basically in love with her brothers best friend during that period as well 😐 and she ended up being your typical kid who grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth with daddy issues.
So the fact that I basically wasted 6 months of my life 😑 on someone like that really irritated me.
So I have many justifiable reasons to not like the opposite gender.
however I don’t have any ill will towards women as a whole. I know not every woman is my ex and that there are genuinely wonderful women out there.
But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m a lot more cautious with women now as opposed to how I used to be.
Nothing of any seriousness. Minor frustrations about social dynamics can arise, but nothing I’d be up in arms about or make a broad generalization. Just double-standard stuff like being at the bar, waiting for the bathroom, and a group of girls that have been in the one-at-a-time men’s room for ten full minutes come piling out and are just like “tee-hee…sowwyyyyyyy”, and I’d be getting beaten over the head with a pocketbook if I did it. I get the ultimate difference in dynamic, I’d be a perceived threat whereas the girls wouldn’t be…. but when I’m half in the bag and just trying to empty the tank, I’m kinda like “SERIOUSLY?”🤨🤨🤨
Don’t get me started about the state of the women’s room vs the men’s room at the end of the night. The total opposite of what you’d expect. Absolutely horrifying, lmao
How strong men are. I have a brother that's just a year older than me (I was an "oops" baby) and all through our younger years I'd boss him around and he knew I could beat him up if he didn't listen lol. Well, that all changed when he became very big and very strong around 13 years old. He could literally pick me up and toss me across my bedroom, onto my bed. I was extremely upset that I was back to being the runt of the litter and realized it isn't gonna change. I'm not really resentful, more jealous.
Nope, as I’m aware both sides can be complete fuckwits and really bring their side down into the gutter, however we are all individuals and we go through life in different ways. I would be like saying all Germans are like Hitler, all Americans like Trump, for the guy. Personally social media pushes shit agendas to turn people against each other, just look at the fuckwit trolls on here.
Agreed. I've always found people that generalize an entire gender like that to honestly be kind of unintelligent really. That's kind of how we perceive things when we are children.
@mandyfire98 yep, you see the moaning fuckers on here a lot that paint an entire gender as the same. It’s even more than that, the huge amount of negativity over tattoos and piercing, if the person does not meet the exact social media requirements for their gender.
many things have. this is one the top reasons (bit of a list) i no longer date (my choice) because i know and am aware of this and how it will eventually cause major damage to any woman i mite would have dated otherwise. in turn, my issues would make her have issues with men, continuing the damage (sort of like an infectious disease) . so i take myself out of the equation and try to keep from spreading it. reallyn many people beed to do simular. the thing is, if even half of those who need to follow along my idea here, then the dating pool would drop closer to that of south east asia circa 1200s except that dating pool would instead consist of the whole planet. in other words, the large majority need to step out of the dating pool fir simular reasons. my criteria for needing to step out includes anyone who has been abused, cheated on, cheated, posted nudes, or done any form of porn.
some of those many things includes observations of actions beyond my own dating experiences. such as my mother and other women of my family, publicized local celebrity-ish issues, seeing how many women treat others out in public, some degree of watching how women behave via online, and how women have behaved towards other men in my family and close friends. coupled with some knowledge in psychology and human nature (how certain things trend among the general public) allows me some slight glimps of where current actions are leading.
There are definitely a lot of shitty women out there, just like there are a lot of shitty men. But I don't buy into the internet gender hate rhetoric because I know most men and women are not like that, even though shitty women are all most men seem to talk about on the internet, and shitty men are all most women seem to talk about. It's become a competition to see who can make the opposite sex look the worst. But here in the real world I still believe in women, and I want to believe women still believe in men. I hope they do.
Hating on people in a group for the actions of a minority is just irrational. I have known bad men and bad women. How could I live happy in a society if the actions of a few people made me resent the rest? That sounds like an awful way to live.
I don't like how they always think about other women when they already have a woman. They watch disgusting videos online, they check out other women and salivate, they go to their bedroom, stroke their d*cks while thinking about other women (even friends of mine, maybe) and then expect kisses, love and cuddles after they've done that. Disgusting.
That's not true loyalty. I think someone is truly loyal when they only want me. If loyalty is an effort, it is not loyalty.
I don't hate men, but most of them are simply bad partners.
Nah, I don't resent men. I've been hurt and mistreated by some guys, but I also have some amazing guys in my life, and I'm not going to resent them because of the behavior of other assholes. Anyone who generalizes an entire gender is a fool. Worse actually.
I've been taught early on that generalising anything negative is wrong. I understood the reason later, as it's a path to irrational fear or resent.
My problem has been the opposite lol, it took me some time to understand that generalising anything positive can lead me to disappointment and expectations never met lol
@Wallythewalrus2 I've been guilty of that! 😊 When I was younger and waitressed, I would get cramps from bending and lifting, so, I would kindly ask other's to bring boxes of certain things from the coolers. Thankfully I must have out grew it, because it doesn't affect me like that anymore.
For me, it’s just the how guys stick up for each other even the bad ones… I don’t hate them all, but it would be nice to come across someone who isn’t like that. Or to meet someone who can admit it when they’ve messed up and not make excuses but own up to it. (Without blaming someone else)
My father and I were never close so I always prefer to have female friends and I always seem to have female doctors, female therapists, so it's a battle for me in life. I refuse to have any male friends and no judgmental on anyone but that's how I see things all due to my father being an alcoholic he is in a nursing home and age 83, now I have a male doctor who gives great medical care.
Sexual abuse and rape. I don't hate men, not at all. But it takes a long ass time for me to even start trusting em, and even when they do ill often internally question their motives and conduct.
Yeah most of the incel manosphere hatred of women isn't even from experience at all but it's because they either aren't successful with women or their perception of women is based on what they've read online and they don't even have any experience with us at all really.
They just read that we are all golddiggers and only want 7 foot tall men and we will call the cops if they even talk to us. So they resent us for what they only imagine we are like.
No because it's ridiculous to project your feelings onto 50% of the population because of anecdotal experiences. Folks that do this are ridiculous. It goes the same for folks that ask the are all men are all women questions. Why do you need to be told over and over that no not all men or women are the same lol.
Women in general are some of the most unreasonable people to talk to. Not supportive, very judgmental and are not good advice givers. I have gotten better life advice from men.
Not that I can think of really. My relationships & interactions with men are mainly platonic. If a guy is a jerk, mean, etc. then of course I won't like him but that's just normal reactions, not resentment.
While girls have done things that made me lose respect for them/resent them, I've never disliked all woman/females because of that. There are always going to be a few bad apples in the bunch.
Not the entire gender cause I know there's good women out there but there seems to be many things I've observed that make me question or just makes me wonder if there's anything I'll hate to find out later.
I think seeing how women can create dramas for nothing but jealousy and ego. But to be honest there is no bad attribute i saw in women that men dont excel at too. I really believe bad people exist on both sides.
I don’t think a woman has done something that has soured my taste in all women. Maybe smaller scale, like groups of woman, but I’ve met some amazing ones too
I work as a cashier in a grocery store. I've seen women get extra meat sauce, free pork bones, extra salad dressing, etc. They weren't all showing cleavage, but they were all very good looking.
No, I didn't give them anything for free. The guys working in the meat department, chef department, etc. gave the food for free. I just rang up their purchases.
A bad relationship made me not trust women at all for a short time, but I quickly realized resenting all women because of the actions of one was stupid.
No. Nothing like that. The closest thing I have to that is that I'm resentful of people who believe in gender roles so strongly that they expect me to comform to them.
Not entire gender but have seen fucked up things what particular person have done (not by accident, rather her pattern behavior) and then she had a nerve to lecture me on morals 🤣
Yes the first man I fell in love with over dating app. He asked me to be his girlfriend on first date. He treated me like shit. Got his friends and mom to treat me like shit. Always hanging out with his friends and forgetting about me.
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