Should I risk it all and trust her or not? This is my first relationship and it’s also long-distance?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend knows I have trust issues and we are in the long distance relationship. She says that she feels like I don’t trust her because I said that I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her going out to parties flying out on vacation with her girlfriends and yes, I am insecure, and have trust issues. Mostly because of my past, which was only negative experiences. I’ve told her a bit about my past, but still I feel like she trusts me fully. She said I can go out to parties and do all kinds of things, but I just don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that if she actually cheats, I will not be able to recover, and that scares me, because I have only had this one too might be the last hit. I feel like I need to trust her too fully, but my mind is trying to prevent me from getting hurt by sometimes thinking that I am single, which makes me not care what she does but that’s fake. Trust I care so much about her and I know I’m the problem. Do you think I should, risk it all and trust her fully with anything she does a risk getting hurt? What should I do? Some legit advice what is the best course of action because I don’t want to be controlling.

[ManInChains]

From my personal experience, no. Because long distance never lasts besides you won’t know whether or not they’re cheating on you or not and in a long distance relationship they’re more prone to cheat knowing you will never know and it’ll be the only thing you’ll be able to think about the more your love for grows the jealousy and hurt will as well. My advice, just stay single. Unless you are fine with constant pain

[Asker]

I am committed, I might get hurt, but it will make me grow. I will have to find out.

[Woodysroundup]

Honestly long distance is hard for a first relationship especially if you are insecure. It can even strain more experienced relationships. If you need reassurance and security id look for it in your area code and avoid torturing yourself with what ifs

[Asker]

Not giving up on my girl.

[ManInChains]

She Wii;l give up on you easily

[AI Opinion]

Diving headfirst into the deep end of love, are we? Being in your first relationship, especially a long-distance one, can feel like you're juggling flaming torches while blindfolded. But hey, let's sprinkle some of that relationship coach magic on your dilemma!

Trust is the invisible thread that ties two hearts together, even when miles apart. Yes, you've got baggage heavier than a packed suitcase for a year-long trip. And it's okay. We all do. But let's unpack that suitcase, shall we? You mentioned your fear of being hurt stems from past experiences. Remember, your girlfriend isn't an extension of your past. She's your present, potentially your future.

Here's the heart-to-heart part. Love is a gamble, my friend. Always has been, always will be. If you spend your days shadowed by the 'what ifs', you might miss out on the 'what is'. Your lady love offering you the freedom to party while she does the same is her way of showing trust. It's a two-way street, painted in shades of mutual respect and understanding.

My advice? Start small. Trust her with little things and share your victories. Communication is your golden ticket here. Express your concerns without accusing or drowning in insecurity. Maybe, set some common ground rules that both of you can comfortably abide by.

And hey, if the thought of her sipping cocktails on a beach without you makes your heart race, remember, that's normal. What's not normal is letting that fear handcuff the joy out of what you have. Love is about sharing, not owning. So, take a deep breath, let go of the reins a bit, and see where this journey of trust takes you.

You might just find that by giving trust a chance, you're not only setting your relationship up for success but also healing your own scars along the way. 💘 Remember, every epic love story had its challenges, but it's the leap of faith that made them legendary. Yours could be next!

[Selene1600000]

You cannot have a healthy relationship without accepting the risk that someone could hurt you, because trust is always a choice and never a guarantee. Right now your fear is making you try to prevent pain before anything bad has even happened, and if you let that fear control your behavior it can slowly push away someone who has done nothing wrong. The best course of action is to communicate honestly, let her live her life without trying to control it, and judge the relationship based on her actual actions instead of your worst fears.

[Ariesman81]

Only trust a woman to be a woman. Stop believing this controlling bullshit. They're called boundaries. You have a gut... trust it. You have experience... rely on it.

[Asker]

Yes i think its self respect too. Setting boundaries is okay. From the little experience I have with women. It’s about how you said it. If you tell how you feel about something it’s better then telling her you need to stop going to parties. One things sounds like an order. Other thing sound like you ask for understanding which will lead to her not going out. I have had many fights with her, it always started with me being direct like this and she gets angry. But after explaining how I feel she understands and tells me to just tell me like that.

[Ariesman81]

It gets easier the older you get. A simple..."yeah... my girl doesn't do that" gets the message across.

[Asker]

Maybe it’s different with different girls or maybe it’s just this new generation that is fucked up honestly. Because people talk about controlling behavior and all this bullshit. Although I get that some guys might be very controlling, which can be unhealthy but at the same time I feel like this generation is just a loose canon and they do what they want without any restrictions.

[Ariesman81]

You're also dating in age range where women aren't looking to settle down. But it is my opinion that it's the man's job to set the framework for the relationship. Boundaries if you will. Women will fight them forever, but ultimately it's what makes them feel loved and cared for. It's kind of a mind fuck I know. Why they say they hate something they like... I have no idea. That's just their way of testing how strong your masculinity is.