Why is moving on viewed as "selfish" when you've been rejected?

[Cherrylicious]

Just can apply to ANY situation regarding rejection but especially relationships is what I really want to talk more about?

It really annoys me that being rejected by an ex that you want to love or a crush or anyone that you have strong feelings for clearly doesn't feel the same way about you but insist that you move on while offering friendship like they really expect you to to be okay with being rejected and pretend as if nothing has ever happened especially after a past sexual history between the two of you and get mad and call you selfish and Petty for refusing to accept their friendship offer well they go out and date other people who they really want knowing that you have feelings for them which I believe in my opinion is very narcissistic and selfish.


Another example that I have is two people who have both once and needs such as marriage and children and if one person wants those things and the other person doesn't and the person that once those things decides to move on and find someone that does, then that person is often gasoline and ridiculed for doing what's best for them.

I thought that if a person that you want does not want you although they're not obligated to like you back, you are also not obligated to stick around and be friends either knowing that's not what you want. I have even heard some people on this site condemning those who turned down friendship by calling them "entitled" I don't understand who people think that they are it's the narcissism and entitlement for me that people think that they can treat you however they want and you should be okay with it and act like nothing has ever happened.

Updates

1 y

You are so annoyed yet you still took the time and energy to post on someone's question whom you are so "annoyed" by🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Finchie40]

Because sadly there are a lot of selfish people in this world today , that only really care about themselves that do not know how to give the same way they expect to receive. Every single person on this planet has selfishness within themselves , people shouldn’t get into relationships at all if they don’t know how to remove selfishness for their partner period. A relationship consists of 2 people choosing each other , through the good times and the bad times , your partner should always be your top priority over everyone else in this world , if you want your partner to make you their top priority, you need to do the same for them , not the other way around. Most relationships fail because one partner decides to be selfish , because they can’t take accountability for their own selfish actions , and they have a hard time admitting they were wrong , it’s always their partners’ fault but never their own. Basically You did this and you did that nonsense , playing the blaming game , instead of pointing fingers at themselves first. Love will never grow between 2 people if they can not remove selfishness for each other , the only time a relationship should end , is if cheating occurred , or physical and mental abuse occurs , but other than that? You fix what is broken between you both and water the grass you are already standing on. Relationships aren’t hard , selfish people make them hard. Your partner should be the very first person you talk to when something seems off, Not your friends’ not your family , not your co workers etc. your partner should be the first person you express Your feelings of concern to , it’s your relationship not theirs. Relationships are based off of trust and respect for each other , if there is no trust or respect be prepared to be single again. By you running to your friends’ and family for advice, already makes you the one betraying the relationship you chose to be in with your partner , especially if your partner has no clue that you are talking about them behind their back. It’s not your friends’ and families relationship period , it’s yours. Most people love to try to rub their 2 cents together by being judgmental about other peoples’ relationships, it happens all the time. Sadly they know shit about your relationship. l they only know what you told them. So it’s ok to hear advice but not ok to base your decisions off of their advice. You ever notice when you are in love with someone and other people make comments and rude remarks about your relationship, and you immediately ignore them cuz you know they have no clue what they are talking about? Do the same thing when you are having issues in your relationship as well because they still have no clue what the fuck they are talking about. Why couples should never air their dirty laundry to anyone. The only time you should run to family and friends’ is if you are being physically and mentally abused or threatened by your partner or your partner is cheating on you , other than that it’s non of your friends’ and families business. If you want trust and respect from your partner you need to do the same for them. Sadly most people can not do this and they wonder why they keep ending up single

[ohsheeT]

No matter the situation no matter the scenario. It's called life no matter what we do or who we do it with it's called life

And we as humans if we don't understand life and there is a start and a finish and every week thing we do in between is a learning experience and we either learn from it or we don't and if you don't you have to keep reliving it and reliving it and reliving it until you understand it

Things happen to us all and when we learn from it we grow we move on to the next moment and in that moment we will be challenged again and we either understand it we learn from it or we don't if we do we go on to another moment if you didn't you're stuck in that moment until you do

People can call it selfish they can call it anything they want but we only have so much time on this planet and just because other people want to call it selfish and they want you to hold yourself back for them because they're not done arguing or feeling that pain are going through that moment you can't wait for them you have to move on I don't think that's being selfish I think that's being motivated I think that's wanting to know who you truly are you understand that this didn't work over here and you accepted that you acknowledged it and now you're going to move on to your other moment and whatever happens happens you're going to take it on you're going to live it become it and if something doesn't work you're going to gain that knowledge of why that wisdom about it all and you're going to move on that's what we do from day one that we were born we have nothing upstairs in our brains we watch we listen we learn we become we fall it's not that we fall it really matters it's how we get up and keep going forward that matters that's what makes it become better and grow and understand and if people think we're selfish for doing this all I can do is apologize as I'm walking away because until they understand that there are some things in this life it's not going to work out and you have to accept that you can question it you can get stuck forget up and out of it as soon as you figure it out a little bit to quit wasting time it's not going to bring anything else back you don't want to go backwards you want to keep going forward it's one thing when you're doing this by yourself.

Because you're the only one that is receiving the pain or the hurt or the knowledge or the gain or whatever but when you have two people that are in love and it happens to them

Because one did something to the other and didn't include them or one grew and the other one didn't..

It's a learning experience and it's hard to learn when you have love and two people involved because now you have to experience it in a different realm in a different light kind of hurt too instead of for one..

The people can look at it any way they want selfish is the person that is saying hold on I'm not done bitching barking invited hold on wait for me to get out of my pain and holding that person back I would think that's more selfish and the person that understood what happened and they acknowledged it and they want to move on

[Screenwriter]

People are incredibly uncomfortable about ending relationships, or rejecting people. The ubiquitous, "We can remain friends," is a lazy way of salving over their discomfort.

NO ONE expects you to hang around after being rejected as a romantic partner. So giving forth a platitude to be "nice" appears harmless. It isn't.

But this cuts both ways. There are the rejected who think, "Well, one day, he'll/she'll see what a prize I am and love me." There are dozens of people on GAG saying they "want. him/her back" after a terrible breakup.

People who hang around have OTHER problems, like poor self-esteem, or not understanding that no means no. Some people don't fit together and it's best to find someone who does work with you and who does want you and want to love you.

It's a big world. There are loads of people out there. However, the hard part is finding someone new akes time and effort. The old adage, it's the devil you know, crops up.

Well, you don't want a devil. You want a good person for you and vice versa. "No" is an insurmountable boundary. When someone says "NO," they don't want to be friends. But they also don't want to feel guilty for rejecting someone.

However, there's no reason to feel guilty about honoring your boundaries. "We don't match up. I'm seeking someone else. You're nice but..." This is what people should be hearing along with the "No."

You can be a perfectly nice, serviceable person, with great values, but you simply don't "Click." So, rejection in this case is rational. "You're a fine person, but we don't fit! I wish you the best." That's a good rejection.

And maybe you're lying just a little about how fine a person they are, but since you have rejected them and don't you that idiotic "we can be friends" line, it doesn't matter. You won't be seeing them again.

I recently had to break up with a woman who, at first, seemed a decent friend. But the more time I spent with her, the more I could see she was a terrible choice. I thanked her for what she'd shared with me that I valued and said we could not be friends. I gave her reasons too. Some were harsh.

She didn't hear me and called me to go out with me one more time. I was stunned. I hadn't proposed a continuing relationship. What is missing in, "We can't be friends" ? It futher cemented in my mind that she was wrong for me.

When someone breaks up with you, hear them, accept it and don't be under some guise that "friendship" can continue. Rejection is the END. Don't let anyone down easily with a platitude. HEAR THE "NO."

There are many others out there for you.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Just some small typos I noticed, it’s not “once,” it’s “wants” and it’s not “gasoline” it’s “gaslit” (i think. Either that or your text-to-speech reader needs some work).


And as for your question, you’re correct in that choosing to reject an extended friendship is selfish and that’s not a bad thing. Selflessness is idolized as a form of kindness, which it is, but obviously doing so in excess means that the selfless individual ends up suffering more. Choosing not to take the offered platonic relationship in place of the desired romantic relationship is indeed selfish because you’re putting your needs first, as you should. The reason people react poorly to this is the implication that only wanting a romantic relationship means you don’t like who they are as a person when you would rather have a relationship with regular access to their bodies. Regardless if this is true or not, you’re not in the moral wrong for setting boundaries and making sure you’re not setting yourself up to be miserable.

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the wild world of rejection, ahoy! It can feel like you're navigating a labyrinth of emotions, especially when someone suggests staying "friends." You’ve nailed it: you're under no obligation to accept that friendship if it's not what you want. It's about self-care, not selflessness. 🌟

People sometimes toss around labels like "selfish" or "entitled" when they don't understand or respect personal boundaries. You’re looking out for your heart and future happiness, which is just smart emotional investing. 🚀 Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because preserving your mental and emotional space is never up for negotiation.

[Purpleronnie]

People offering friendship is generally only a way of attempting to let you down gently when a relationship is off the cards. Additionally in my opinion you have the right to tell them politely to shove it because it’s not what you wanted or needed if they get all hurt about it then that’s on them. Friendship never makes any sense when you want more and people should only offer it if they actually want you as a friend not out of pity or as the runner up prize.


Moving on is selfish and it has every right to be because we have to look after ourselves when the one we chose rejects us. Being selfish is what they are doing because that’s right for them so in this scenario it’s not negative to be selfish , it’s expected and needed.

[blueonblack22]

It’s not “selfish” to move on (even if you made the wrong decision).

But how you move on says a lot. Some people think that ghosting people is an effective way to move on. Unless the other person did something fundamentally wrong (was legitimately abusive, cheated, stole from you, etc.) it’s extremely selfish. Not only to the other person but to your own conscious. You might not give a sh*t in the short term but memory of it will haunt you later in life (unless your a sociopath)

But you are falling prey to a master manipulator if feel “guilty” for moving on when they rejected you first. It should be easy to move on if and be considered “selfish” if they rejected you. That scenario makes no sense. At all.

[D_Bone_Steak]

All I know is I tried to read that 3 times and I want you to just move on already. Just move on. You're not selfish unless you don't just move on. They're sick of your shit, you're sick of them... move on.

Let's not complicate this with a bunch of unneeded details.

Why you trying to stick around and be friends when you can just move the fuck on? Just move on and shit. Fuck! Your writing style went back and forth like at first you want to be friends and then at the end you're like why stick around and be friends?

Plus the weird spelling mistakes are throwing me off—gasoline instead of gaslighting. 'Once' instead of 'wants' ... are you using text to speech and it's fucking up your spelling?

I'm annoyed with you. Get the fuck out of here with this shit and move on. 😂 🤣

[ChiTown33]

Who cares if they rejected you. IMHO anyone that rejects with you and doesn't understand why you need space afterwards is not a very good friend to begin with. They certainly lack empathy. I think anyone that truly cared about you would just want to see you healed from it, even if they didn't want to date you.

[katiesmuff]

All I can say is that you already got some very good advice and nothing that I could add would be any different that what you have already read. I do wish you good luck and hope you are able to enjoy this holiday season with some joy!

[WhitneySnow]

It’s your choice but you could be losing a chance at a good friendship if you reject their offer and completely move on

[Cherrylicious]

So why would I agree to be friends with someone who hurt, use and rejected me for their own selfish reasons and expect me to be okay with it and pretend as if nothing happened while watching them date other people and I'm supposed to just stand by and wait until or if they ever decide they want to be with me? It is not only a disrespect to oneself but it also shows lack of boundaries and that person will less likely to respect you. And in most cases the guy or girl that was friend zoned, is still stuck in friend zone and put on standby because they are a backup option and I refuse to be second choice to anyone. And I am not obligated to interact with someone who treated me poorly. They've made their decision so I've made mine they don't owe me a relationship which is fine but I don't owe them friendship either it goes both ways.

[WhitneySnow]

Given those facts, I agree with you. But don’t give in and say yes when they change their mind and tell you how much they miss you.

[Nikki1989]

Because some people are clueless on how to move on, so they whine about those that can.

[ProbablyClueless]

I suppose that's something someone said to you in the context of a particular situation. I've never heard anyone say that though.

[paledreams]

I was never told I was selfish whenever I've moved on, by no one. Even by anyone enjoying my babbling or rambling lol 😆🤣

[exitseven]

It is not selfish. It makes sense to want to move on.

[Loki97]

It’s seen as selfish by selfish people

[Staximus]

It's not