How many people of both genders actually settle in relationships if they couldn't get their first option?

[Anonymous]

As much as we like to think some people found true love much later on, how many of them (of both genders) actually settle because they either got rejected by their first option or that relationship ended and never progressed.

So intead of pinning for their lost love and continue imagining what could've been, they get what's available for them right now and just deal with it? How many people of both genders actually settle? This means they person they're with right now and even have kids with wasn't really their first choice.

[Anonymous]

That's a tough one to answer. Mainly because you're asking this as though all people are the same, and they're not. Secondly there are so many variables to this.

Take me for example. I've lowered my expectations quite a bit. At the same point there's core expectations that I will NEVER compromise on. Because at that point your absolutely trading in your happiness just to be in a relationship. And that does NEITHER of you any good. Now I don't think I'm typical. I do think most people want/need (in thier mind) to be in a relationship so bad all the time that they would rather be unhappy with someone that's totally wrong for them rather than be alone.

I've lived long enough now and seen enough to realize what is your first option at 19 is not your first option at 49. We grow, we change, we mature. Not all at the same rate. The older you get typically the more varied you are. So while you may be more understanding, you're also less compatible. Dating is a 💩 show my friend. The best you can do is try to stay even keel and not let life taint your heart.

[Summeroflove]

I think settling for someone isn’t only harmful to themselves it’s also damaging to another person who thinks that you’re genuinely into them. Because there is probably someone else who does see that other person as his or her first choice.

I don’t do that but I know there is a lot of people who do. Instead of waiting until you’re genuinely attracted to someone else they go for someone they aren’t really into. It can be for sex. It can be because they think they’re showing someone else how fast they can move on. It can be for money. It can be for appearances. Anything really it's a sad thing.

[Asker]

This is another issue that comes along with it too. If you're genuinely attracted to them but they don't have similar values to you and nothing in common, that would be a pointless and lost relationship, only physical and sexual attraction but nothing else.

[Asker]

That's the issue with the cases of first options; you can be very much attracted to them and in love with them but let's say you want kids and the other person never wants kids, then that relationship can't ever progress. So it has to have both attraction and compatibility.

[Summeroflove]

Correct their values, what they want out of a relationship, nothing in common, etc. A lot of times both people try to change one another and it never works

[nastyb]

most people actually settle if they ever want to get married. Some of these people just aren't aware they are settling because they don't see their partner's flaws.

[Asker]

yeah it's settling but at least having someone with compatible values to form a family with or continue being single, older and childless, continue with your fantasies of what never was.

[nastyb]

Often times, people get divorced when they finally are forced to acknowledge the true monsters that their significant others are, years down the road.

During the beginning of the marriage, people often ignore their partners flaws or say they dont see it.

[nastyb]

I have seen the worst of the worst people get married.

[Nikki1989]

I don't know anyone who has done that, but I am sure it happens.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, settling, the “C” word in relationships; Compromise, that is! 😄 It's more common than you'd think, and not because people don’t want their ideal partner, but because life throws curveballs and we grow with our experiences. Many folks do indeed end up with someone who wasn’t their first choice, but love can blossom in unexpected places 🌺 It's part of a dynamic process; what starts as settling can turn into something magical. Many realize that the grass isn’t always greener and choose to cultivate their current garden instead. Finding someone who’s perfect for you is about more than a first choice—it's about compatibility and communication. 💕

[talentedclock]

I think there's a difference between true love and soul mates. I believe in true love, I don't believe in soul mates.

There isn't ever going to be one perfect person out there for you because nobody is perfect, we all have flaws.

But true love is the effort and sacrifices that you both put in to make the relationship work. That can take a lot of different forms and it's never going to be a fairy tale story, but that's as true as it gets.

[Asker]

I believe that's because too many people expect infatuation and think that's love. They think they'll forever be fantasizing about them 7/24 and might not even know the person very well outside of the bed. That's where they think they found their soul mates because they don't see beyond attraction. They see their partner as the perfect, ideal person. So basically they don't actually love the person. They just love the idea of being in love. The break-up likely happens when they find out who the real person is and realize they have nothing in common.

[ProbablyClueless]

I think they need to... it's safe to assume that the vast vast vast majority of people settle. They settle for things that barely make them kind of happy because they would be miserable if they didn't.

[Asker]

Yeah it's either finding someone compatible even if it's not the first choice or continue staying (and childlesss).. rotting in your fantasies that'll never happen.

[KrakenAttackin]

Almost all women THINK they settled for men they are very lucky to have.

[Pterodon]

The vast majority of both sexes settle

[Anonymous]

around 50% of men and 80% of women

[Anonymous]

*Both sexes, not genders.

[slatyb]

A great many.