Is it sexist to tell my fiancé to not walk alone at night?

Question

I probably sound like a misogynist but I insist my fiancé never walk alone at night when she gets off work. I realize this sounds sexist but I simply don’t trust the creepy men out at night.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

You are kind of treating her like a child, honestly; no offense intended. Most women with any life experience or common sense know to be careful, especially at night. The thing isn't so much walking at night as it is paying attention to her surroundings, and being aware of who is around. Also, assuming she's within ten years of you, she's managed to stay alive so far just fine. It will be good for you to practice not controlling her in a small and common sense area. I know you feel protective, but you've got to back off or you'll become insufferable.

You might reframe it like this, "Hey, I'm concerned about you walking to your car at night. Here's some mace, and if you ever feel uncomfortable and would like me to come get you, please do not hesitate to call. I will come immediately". And then, be true to your word and be delighted if she calls. Don't grill her about why she called or whatever. Just come get her, let her tell you whatever she feels like sharing. Make sure you say "I'm so happy you called me; it was my pleasure".

You see, us girls have a thing about inconveniencing people or causing a scene or being paranoid. We are especially worried about our boyfriends/husbands/fiances being morons, trying to take on the local mafia single-handed and getting killed. The more low-key you are about it, the better and safer she will feel about trusting you with more of those kinds of situations. This isn't a question of your ability to protect or care for her; it's a question of keeping a cool head and showing her that you trust her decision-making.

I mean, you do what you want, but I really think you should ease off the accelerator on this one. :)

KittygosMeoWW · Accepted Answer

It’s not sexist. I had a scary instant this month and have stopped walking alone at night. It’s completely understandable why you would tell her not to

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

It's very logical depending on where you live. Females are easy targets, and they're usually a target for sexual crimes if they're good-looking.

I'm from the ghettos of Los Angeles so, I've seen it. I never went out and about without my blood thirsty dog on a chain and I pack guns... not joking I'll blow someone's brains out onto the streets and if they get me... they have to deal with my dog. I have more stories than fingers on my hands of women running up to me and my dog for safety. I alone have probably stopped hundreds of rape/murders. Fucking cars will follow us and shit while my dog pees on things and shits all over the place. It's not fake at all because these chicks will have tears and a look of sheer fear on their face. It's like they were dumb enough to fuck around and find out, but lucky enough that I was out there.

I'm far removed from that world now though... that's all ancient history and I'm all the way out in Rhode Island where I'd probably kill the top gangsters around here by accident. In fact I'm in a rich neighborhood where old women go jogging and shit and little kids play out and about. ... I'm about to go to San Diego though and... my handguns and shit are greased up. I'm just not the guy to fuck around with out there. Back to the question though... she's a chick, it's not sexist. She's probably not carrying a handgun like me, or able to pick a 6'5" guy up and throw him in a garbage can like me, and she probably doesn't have a bloodthirsty dog either. It's not sexist at all. I wouldn't let my 12-year-old boy out there and he's almost as tall as me... just can't grow facial hair and shit. It's not safe out there.

Joshua_H_1010011001 · Accepted Answer

Insist is a bit strong.

Your a man, your in charge of your decisions.

All you can do is suggest, observe and act.

If you have made yourself clear about how you feel, and she is not reciprocating that, compromising or taking your advice.

The you need to ask yourself, is this somone you want on your team, associated to you and financially tied to you forever, or until she leaves and takes half your shit and the kids.

If she can't make sound judgments, it's futile and abusive to "fox" her or "make" her.

All you can control is what YOU do.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Being a relationship coach, I get your protective instincts. You’re more concerned with your fiancé's safety than being sexist. It's natural to care deeply about the ones we love and want them to be safe. 🥰 Maybe you could suggest alternatives like walking with a buddy or using a rideshare service. Always ensure these conversations come from a place of love and not control. Communication is key! 😘

mandyfire98 · Answer

I wouldn't say so. It's reality. It's dangerous in some places especially for women.

Summeroflove · Answer

I get it but have her a gun. She’s a grown woman and you can give her advice but if she doesn’t take it.  I get there are weird people but get her a way to defend herself.

AviatorTom · Answer

Its sexist to COMMAND her to not walk alone at night. It's good sense, and shows you care, to SUGGEST to her that walking alone at night may not be the safest thing to do.

Screenwriter · Answer

I think it's rational to realize that there are safety issues for women that don't exist to a large extent for men. But they don't only exist after dark. It could be according to the area and if your fiancee' is nowhere near any people at the time she's going home.

If you're that worried about her, is there some way you can walk her home some evenings? Remind her that you're being cautious because of the area, the time, whatever worries you about her walk home.

That's all you can do besides getting her a whistle and pepper spray if you aren't available to help.

hahahmm · Answer

What's wrong with being sexist? There's men who are more like the traditional men who built civilizations... and then you have guys who try and act like women or do everything they think women want them to do. Later she leaves him for the sexist dude cause it turns her on more, and I don't just mean sexually. Deep in her being. We're talking about normal feminine women tho. Not those butch lesbians who are more masculine than a soy boy.

That said... if I thought my future wife had a problem with me being protective I wouldn't marry her. It's a sign that she doesn't understand her role.

Still-alive · Answer

Stating it once? not really. ‘Insisting’? as you put it i would say probably.

Just simply air out your concerns once and if she still decides she can handle it on her own then trust her on that. If she ever needs you for that let her come to you instead.

or if for instance you read about or heard about some crime that happened on her route you may also mention that but even then if she still thinks she’s ok by herself let her go for it.

’insisting’ can come across as controlling in a way. You may mean well with it but it can easily be seen as you not trusting her judgement to handle herself walking alone.

anyways just how I would look at it. I know there's some chicks who like the over protectiveness like that so if you know your girl is like that maybe its ok then. But if she's not I would let her do as she wishes.

molonski2 · Answer

No mate , its good common sense and logical , make sure she doesn't walk alone , I certainly wouldn't allow her to , just best to not put yourself in vulnerable situations , thats goes for everyone , but particularly women , just good to care and take charge man.

Kelley1 · Answer

I would think she already knows the danger. Boys and young men if they don't appear to have money, can walk alone at night, even in almost empty parks and rough neighborhoods, and never be bothered. Any young women would soon be assaulted and raped.

AnonAndrew · Answer

It really depends on how you say it. The way you put it in this question ("tell my fiancé to not walk alone at night," "I insist my fiancé never walk alone at night when she gets off work") sounds pretty bossy and domineering.

slickrick6600 · Answer

No it’s called you love her and the world is dangerous as hell. I tell my sister all the time. If my sister was the female version of the green bean giant I wouldn’t tell her because she would be able to stomp ass but she’s not she’s a normal girl so I tell her to be careful because irreplaceable.

Douglas1179 · Answer

What's even more concerning is your split infinitive. You ask, ""Is it sexist to tell my fiancé to now walk alone at night?" Modern linguists no longer frown upon its use, but I just think the question sound better like this: "Is it sexist to tell my fiancé not to walk alone at night?" Split infinitives can certainly annoy some people, so it's best to avoid them whenever possible.

Cormac995 · Answer

I feel like if the woman you're dating gets frustrated about you trying to make sure she doesn't get R'd or worse that's kind of a red flag about their personality traits. I don't know the full circumstances but I wouldn't want my wife or girlfriend walking alone after dark as long as there was an option not to.

Potteplante · Answer

Tbh, I'm not sure I'd feel safe walking around in daylight in the US. The horror stories I hear in news don't all happen during the night. I'd fear being in the wrong place at the wrong time at all times. No place is safe - not even schools for children.

MementoMori_ · Answer

Oh man. It is NOT sexist! It is reality for crying out loud!

I'm not criticizing YOU I am criticizing any idiot who thinks that is sexist! What is this stupid society coming to? Women are like Bambi with a neon vest on during hunting season when it comes to being attacked by men. That isn't sexism it is COMMON SENSE. Don't let her get hurt because you are afraid to protect her and being called sexist by a bunch of woke lunatics!

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I have done numerous walks alone at night, like 1 am - 2 am. I haven't felt threatened ever in my neighborhood. Which is strange, because during carnival a random person I think got in a fight with a group in our street. They sounded frenzied. All it takes it one unlucky night. So I wouldn't be offended if you suggested me to stay home. I actually like it when he does. It means he is worried.

Lliam · Answer

Nothing sexist about it. It's common sense and shows that you care. Your job is to keep her safe and secure.

Tell her that you couldn't live without her and that you'd blame yourself if anything happened to her.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

It’s not sexist, it’s a real concern. As much as I want the streets to be safe enough for a woman to walk alone at night, that’s unfortunately not the case. Especially in cities.
id encourage any woman to try and walk with someone if they can or get a ride home from a friend.
not just women, bad things can happen to men too. But especially women.

Jersey2 · Answer

Nope. You care about her. She should at least understand that.

I heard a female comedian say that walking around with a vagina is like walking around with gold bars on you and everyone knows it and you can’t take it off. That point always stuck with me. So being weaker and walking alone with what they want is concerning.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not sexist anymore than it's age discrimination to not want children to walk alone at night. Now, if she were a trained fighter that carried a concealed pistol, it would be kinda sexist.

We are supposed to protect our loved ones. Don't let anyone shame you away from that concept.

emeraldsaphire · Answer

My boyfriend is the same way. Is it sexiest? Yeah, but not in a bad way I don't think. So long as you don't force her. If she wants to walk alone she can, but I don't have a problem with you trying to convince her not too.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

if you ONLY insist, it's... strange and not nice... if you walk her home every evening - respect

Nikki1989 · Answer

That would be sound advice for anyone living in America. I would think twice about walking during the daytime in many spots in the USA. It is a dangerous place.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

She is perfectly capable of deciding such things herself. Give her some credit.

"Insisting" she do things that she is perfectly capable of deciding herself is controlling behavior. That's a borderline red flag in my book.

Bricealan · Answer

Certainly not... that is the CORRECT thing to tell her to keep her safe.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

To voice your concerns to your girlfriend is not sexist, but to demand that she should take responsibility for  your  worries is questionable.

ovixs90 · Answer

No offence but you sound like liberal. Just few years back it was normal if you love your wife of course you want her to be safe saying that i see no problem. Unless she is some radical crazy feminist that will be offended.

exitseven · Answer

Not sexist. We live in dangerous time, especially if you live in a democrat run state.

MemeSupreme · Answer

if she's fine with it then it doesn't really matter lol

David5668 · Answer

I’d say not. It shows that you care about her safety and well-being; which isn’t a bad thing given all the bastards and arseholes out there. I’d even go as far as don’t stop doing the right thing.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I live in a safe area and prefer that I walk my female friends to their cars when they leave at night. Nothing misogynistic sbout making sure my friends or girlfriends are safe.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. That's a matter of safety and a very valid one at that. When I go out at night, I'm armed.

Anonymous · Answer

That’s really sweet of you. Unless your fiancée is a black belt, she probably shouldn’t be walking alone at night.

Loki97 · Answer

The fact you think it’s misogynistic tells me you don’t know how to be a man. You’re being protective. That’s natural

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

No it's not a sexist thing to say. You care about her safety. Lucky I live in a pretty safe neighborhood and walk around my neighborhood and park comfortably.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

If a 5'81/2",200-pound dude with a big boy's build doesn't feel comfortable walking about at night, why should a MUCH smaller woman (or really, ANY woman) seem safe traveling after dark?

Juxtapose · Answer

It's ultimately her choice but you're right, women are much easier targets if they are unarmed.

Jackblue · Answer

Depends on if your neighborhood is dangerous.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Nah. Does matter what gender. Concern is concern.

Anonymous · Answer

it's sexist to tell women to do anything these days

jwhig · Answer

Why in the world would that be sexist? Most women can’t go toe to toe with a man in a situation like that. It’d be sexist if you didn’t care enough to say anything.

Anonymous · Answer

How dare you show you care about your fiancée's safety, you misogynist pig.

admles · Answer

You shouldn't even have to tell her, it's common f-cking sense!

OddBeMe · Answer

Unfortunately males are incredibly violent against women.

Anonymous · Answer

Before social media we called this common sense and caring.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

There is nothing wrong with that hope she listens to you

SpaceGalaxy · Answer

no, it is not, even though some people simply enjoy labeling others.

Angels_Last_Breath · Answer

You could follow her and spook her out showing her what you’re saying

Flower7 · Answer

That is not sexist, it is just reality.

BCRanger10 · Answer

No. It's perfectly fine.

HungTexan · Answer

No! It’s caring and thoughtful!

oldpigg · Answer

He's not misogynistic, he's just simp.

Massageman · Answer

Sounds like common sense, to me.

Anonymous · Answer

No. It's being a decent person.

Anonymous · Answer

A woman is a fiancée, not fiancé.

Staximus · Answer

No it's called common sense

orange_roach · Answer

Absolutely not! You’re looking out for her safety.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

It's not sexist, it's reality.

Anonymous · Answer

No it’s not.

jahaims · Answer

No lol

Wise4myage · Answer

Of course not.

Is it sexist to tell my fiancé to not walk alone at night?

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