Am I wrong in this situation?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend’s family is holding a new family tradition and reunion and I wasn’t invited. She said she wanted this to be family only because it’s the first time her family has been together since the funeral after her dad passed away two years ago. We’ve been together a year and were talking about marriage and a family, but I felt so excluded, I’m having doubts. When I asked about why, her reasons were that we weren’t married yet, that she regretted involving her last boyfriend in so many family events since it didn’t work out, and that me being there would ruin her chance to grieve her father. I know most of her family already and this would have been a great opportunity to learn about her father and meet her last sibling. Is it unreasonable to be angry about being excluded?

Updates

1 y

To be clear, her family wanted to meet me at this event. It was an apple picking event and not a grieving time for the rest of the family. It was all the siblings, their spouses and children.

[HollyK21]

Not only would I be upset, I’d reconsider the relationship altogether because of where her mind is. Here’s the thing, if she sees you as the man she wants to marry then you are clearly very serious, so why wouldn’t she want to include you in new traditions that you would be part of eventually? How do you tell your partner, who you want to be your family one day, that he can’t be part of the family grieving process? How on earth would you take away from her grieving when you’re the one who’s supposed to be at her side even as just a boyfriend?


Her mindset of “we aren’t married yet” is stupid because are you just supposed to give her the ring without seeing what you’re marrying into? Without spending any time with the family you’re supposed to call your own one day? I don't know how any of what she says makes sense in her own mind, but if she’s really as serious about you as she claims then this is just downright disrespectful and it really shows where she stands with you.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the obvious man posing as a pink account below about how she only wants a ring, he is ridiculous and obviously a man.

Whether you think you are or not, you're not part of their family. She wants to do something with just her relatives and if they want to grieve privately with just their family, that shouldn't be a big deal. You don't need to be in every single activity she partakes in and it's not an unreasonable request for a private family only activity especially when a member of it died. You can feel angry if you want but you're not entitled to join the family's grieving process if they want it to be just them. You can learn about him later and meet whatever sibling later when THEY are ready for you to.

[Asker]

Her siblings wanted me to be there. It was a working weekend, new tradition of apple picking, and they wanted all the hands they could get and they wanted to meet me. They also made it clear to my girlfriend this was not a grieving event, my girlfriend just wanted the space to grieve for herself.

[Cormac995]

Did she really say that "You being there would ruin her chance to grieve for her father?" cause that's kind of hella disrespectful; to say to someone you're talking about getting married to. Honestly even saying you "Might" ruin her chance to grieve for her father would be incredibly hurtful to me because it implies, I cause problems being in her life. I can understand that past relationships causing problems with this thing in the past could turn her off though too I can even understand wanting to only be with family.

At the same time though if this is the language she's using you're justified in feeling excluded. When you're trying to be there for her in a difficult time in her life because you love her, and she rejects your support especially when you're trying to act like the husband you hope to become because she thinks you'll "Ruin" things that's disrespectful and hurtful and rude.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love can be a rollercoaster ride sometimes, right? 😅 While it's totally valid to feel upset about being left out, it seems like your girlfriend needs some personal time with her family to process her loss. Grieving is a personal journey, and she might want to keep this space for herself. But don't let this lovebomb you with doubts. Instead of seeing it as a red flag, consider it a moment for her to heal. Talk things out with her and find other ways to support each other. Your time to be part of these family moments will surely come! 💑💪

[Anonymous]

I mean, she made it pretty clear to you that you by no means are a part of her family.

If I were you, I'd walk away because all she is after is a ring, until then you can break your back trying to please her and it won't be enough. You in yourself are not enough.

[Asker]

I’ve met most of my family and I even celebrated my birthday combined with two of her brothers with her family, who I thought I was becoming a part of.