I struggle with my boyfriends financial situation?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is 18 and I am 20 years old. Neither of us are in any debt, but I do struggle with the fact that he doesn't have money. Let me explain before you guys call me a gold digger or tell him to work harder. A few months ago he paid around $2500 to start driving lessons. He saved up money from a job he had. During that time he also often paid for snacks or a date. But so did I. I would say that we split the bills pretty even, maybe he paid a little bit more. I don't care about money and he never spent a lot on me. I never expected gifts or anything. Even paying for my redbull would make me happy!

Once he turned 18, he suddenly had to pay for everything himself. Like school, health insurance, school books, public transport, etc... He was having a lot of stress, because his school increased and now he doesn't work as often anymore. Sometimes he only earn around $200-$300 a month, which barely covers all his bills. He complains about money all the time and I just feel bad, because I don't want him to be stressed about money at such a young age. I started paying more for him. Snacks are on me. Date nights are on me. A lot is on me at the moment. I didn't mind, because there was a time where he spent more on me than I on him. But lately I've been struggling with it, and I feel guilty about it. I have never received flowers, while I have given him flowers multiple times. Even if the flowers are $2 I would love it. but I don't know how to tell him and I don't want to put even more pressure on him.

I know he can't change it and that he doesn't like it either. He doesn't want me paying for him anymore, but I still end up doing it. And I don't even have a job (bc of school). I thought that this would only take 2-3 months, but right now it has been 8 months and I'm still paying for a lot of things. My parents pay my bills, so I don't know how it must feel for him, but I feel guilty wanting just a little bit more from him. (see update for the last text)

Updates

10 mo

For the entire month of February he only has $20 to spend beside his bills. We probably won't even be able to do something for Valentine. And I doubt that he will get me a gift. I love giving him gifts and I always go all out for birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. I know that when he does have the money, he absolutely does spend it on me aswell. So it's not that he's selfish or anything. But I'm also starting to get tight on money and I just can't pay for everything anymore. Help me

Updates

10 mo

Everytime we want to go out, he just can't bc it's too expensive, and then I give in and offer to pay, just because I'm so desperate to do something fun with him! Because if I don't pay, we will never do anything fun ever again (except for at home dates ofc!!). I just want to feel a little special sometimes. He did offer a date night last week, bc his parents gave him a cinema giftcard for Christmas. I just know that I will be paying for the snacks. But still I am super excited to go :) Advice?

[ChicoFromThe305]

This is probably the healthiest shit I've read in a long ass time, this is on some ride or die shit, I will say that it seems y'all are trying to handle a lot of responsibility at such a young age, it's good but as y'all can see it's extremely stressful, y'all are very lucky to have each other, going through all this and y'all still look out for each other, how you are feeling is actually very normal of wanting to feel special sometimes but you are to him, it's known that relationships can be quite expensive and many don't grow motivation to date if they aren't in a good financial position but that man is not letting you go even with his pockets empty and he tries which I believe should make you feel special considering a very small percentage of women in society have that, in his mind struggles, stress and all you are worth holding on to, you've done a lot for him and he's so aware of it that no matter his struggles he keeps you there next to him no matter what, I think y'all should both come to an agreement and form a financial plan to advance financially, there's a saying many men can come to an agreement with its somewhere in the lines of, if she's with you through the struggles, I'm gonna spoiled her with the riches, basically saying that if she sticks with you through the worst times, she's getting the best treatment through the good times, y'all keep pushing, I'm routing for y'all.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your amazing advice! I never looked at it this way and it's honestly eye opening. I'm so happy that we have each other and even though we live 1,5 hours away from each other, he always make time and spends money to come to me (in the weekends). Ofc I do the same for him and when 1 person can't pay for the train ticket, the other person pays for it. We will figure it out eventually. Especially next year when he's going to work more again (beside school).

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yep sounds like a plan indeed, y'all a stick together I'm sure it will be worth it when y'all get on your feet.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like you are shit out of luck until he gets a better paying job and his bills are caught up. So it’s up to you if you want to stay in a relationship like this or break up and find yourself a guy that isn’t suffering financially

[Abbycado]

Wtf? $2500 for driving lessons?

What country do you live in?

[Asker]

Netherlands. It's really expensive over here sadly. And the 2500 is for the smallest package. Most people don't even make it with that. My parents luckily paid for my lessons and his parents paid less than half of his, but it's still a lot of money. And after he purchased those lessons, he found out that he needed to pay for his own school. If he knew that earlier, he wouldn't have gotten the lessons and would have saved more money from his job

[Abbycado]

Wow, that’s insane. Alright, if it is necessary though…

We can get it free in the US in high school. Sorry, he seems strapped for cash and for good reason, no?

[Asker]

Wow it's free over there? Damn. In my country you can drive a car from 18 or up, so you can't get lessons in high school haha.

[Abbycado]

Yeah, they still have “driver’s ed (ucation) here. It’s usually done now by private companies, but where I live, the school offers it.

We can drive at 16 in my state. If you take the course, it saves a lot on insurance.

Sorry about the issue with the boyfriend. Honestly, sounds like he is spending money to further himself and maybe you one day too.

[Valdemort]

I was about to say "it's not this expensive in the US?" Cause my country definitely is! But.. well, she's Dutch, lol

[Valdemort]

FREE ABBY? Omg I should've moved when I had the chance 😭😭

[Abbycado]

@Valdemort school subsidizes it and it’s like $100 where I live. You get way more off insurance for a young teen driver.

Back in the day XD my parents said the gym teacher did it after school lmfao

[Abbycado]

It was free but it is hardly anything and if you can’t pay, the school does.

[Valdemort]

Lol, the Netherlands is entirely the opposite. The younger you are, the more insurance you pay and lessons are wildly expensive. You pay about $65 per hour 🤡

[Abbycado]

No, it’s the same here. Younger, more money. It’s if you take driver’s education, you get money off the cost.

I can tell you other whacky things XD

[Valdemort]

Oh nvm. Share your whacky things, I'm intrigued 😂💀

[Asker]

Ahhh I am so jealous haha. And yes he is. He is really good at saving money, so that luckily isn't the problem. It's just tight right now

[Asker]

@Valdemort Haha I get that!

[Asker]

@Valdemort That's 100% truee! I can confirm. Ridiculous.

[Abbycado]

So here in the US, if I had the money, I could buy an 80’ yacht and not need a license.

However, like my sister has to do, she needs a license to operate her jet ski. She had to go through ten hours of online tests.

Now, tell me which is harder to control? Her 11’ nimble jet ski that does 70+ mph on the water or some lumbering yacht?

My parents have a 40’ and I just barely mastered it last year. Yes, there were mishaps and dad was not happy XD

[Valdemort]

Girl, a yacht? Like, I know there's some types of boats we don't need a license for, but it depends on size and speed. A yacht? Hell no. XD

[Abbycado]

@Valdemort yep. Should I have the money, name your size. No license required. A small jet ski? Yup.

Sister had to do it when my parents gave her theirs. Ffs

[AI Opinion]

Sweetheart, relationships are a two-way street, and it's okay to want to feel appreciated. 💐 Money stress can be tough, especially when you're both young and figuring things out. It's important to communicate your feelings gently. Maybe express that small gestures, like those flowers, mean the world to you without adding pressure. It's the thought that counts, right? 😊 When things balance out, you'll both cherish these little tokens of love even more. Keep that lovebombing alive, but also take care of your own needs! 💕

[Asker]

Thank you for the sweet advice! Money is difficult indeed. Especially because my parents still pay everything for me, it's difficult to see him struggle. It puts so much stress on him. Sometimes he's even late with paying for health insurance

[Staximus]

Tell that bum to get a job. Who the hell is dumb enough to pay $2500 for driving lessons?

[Asker]

he does have a job. Beside school he works there almost everyday. Beside in my country that is a normal, even a cheap price for driving lessons. It's the cheapest package. Driving lessons are expensive over here. Most of my friends spend around $4000.

[Staximus]

Why do you need to pay for driving lessons? Why can't somebody just teach you?

[Asker]

That is not allowed in my country. You need an official driver instructor or you're not allowed on the road.

[In_Trance]

so what's your question?

[Asker]

I'm asking for advice

[Anonymous]

i'm sure he was the one that asked you out

[Asker]

Actually no haha. I asked him out. We were friends for years and last year I finally told him I liked him. He liked me back and a month later He officially asked me. but it started with me, because I was the first to say it haha

[Opinion Owner]

well god bless you for that, i have always had a lifelong resentment of men having to be the ones to court women and be the initiators

[Asker]

I get that! I was waiting for him to tell me first, but eventually it took to long and I just told him lol. I couldn't wait no more!