Do you believe in "right person, wrong time," or is that just an excuse?

Question

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

Yes, I do actually. One of the reasons I gave up is I feel like I met my soulmate already and I lost her four years ago. There were a lot of problems in the relationship we both had mental health problems she was schizophrenic and was un medicated because they don't have a lot of options and everything, they tried made her physically ill.

Her home was physically and mentally abusive and I wasn't perfect either. I was drinking too much at the time and was dealing with depression, and she was concerned about my choice in friends. At the moment I thought she was being controlling but honestly, she ended up being right all along.

Her home was physically and mentally abusive. Her mom would beat her and scream at her one minute and be tender and loving the next. (Unmedicated bipolar) and her father was a schizophrenic like her, and he had been repeatedly raped by his father and his father had been repeatedly raped by her grandfather and there were several times her dad had made her uncomfortable though she claimed he never did anything.

The reality is I think if we'd met sooner under happier circumstances, I think it might have worked but the timing was all wrong and there was too much damage done to her and I wasn't responsible and mature enough yet to be the person she needed me to be even though I was the one she wanted.

I wanted to stay friends, but she cut contact, and I kept trying to reach out because she just ghosted me and disappeared after she agreed we could be friends, and I was scared that she had hurt herself or something because of the stress. When I finally got ahold of her, she sent me one message and asked me never to contact her again saying she had to cut me out of her life because if we stayed friends, she was worried she couldn't move on, and she would want to get back together which she thought wouldn't work and I know she was right.

If we had met earlier in life and I was more mature than I was then I think it would have worked and we could have been happy, but by the time we met we were both too fucked up and in places in our life that made it doomed to fail. It still is even if she came out of the blue asking to get back together and the worst part is I'd say yes knowing fully that it was doomed because at least that way I get a little more time with her than I had and have a few more memories of her to call mine. It wouldn't matter to me she'd break my heart again eventually, a few more weeks with her would make it all worth it.

I did as she asked and never contacted her again until the LA fires happened. She lived in LA and even though she asked me not to I had my neighbor's house burn down with 5 kids inside and when I thought of that happening to her, I completely broke down in a panic and did everything I could to contact her because I needed to know she was alive and safe.

I never heard back and the people I tried to reach her through blocked me without replying but I watched her Pintrist and when I saw she made posts after the fire happened and I knew she was safe. Now that I know she's alive and safe I'll continue to keep my promise to her, and I feel bad for breaking it, but I was just so scared. She was the only woman I ever felt genuinely loved me back in my whole life and she gave me some of the best months of my life. I still love her though and I want her to have the best life she can.

I know this sounds like stalking and I guess it kind of was but I was just so scared. The thought that she might be dead or hurt in the fires was ripping me apart and I couldn't stop myself. I had to know she was safe and ok. Once I knew that I backed off again and plan to do as she asked.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I can think of two women who I dated who were very good women, and probably would have been great long term partners, but it was not the right time for me with the first one. I think about her occasionally and wonder what might have been, though I am quite happy with my wife and have no desire to ever find someone else.

With the second one, the time was right for me but not for her. She was not sure she even wanted to be dating at that time, we were not exclusive, and I met someone else. A few years later, she called me to try to rekindle my interest but I was committed to someone else. She eventually found a long term partner. Earlier this week, I learned that after a few years, he died of natural causes. Three months later, she and two friends were killed by a drunk driver in South Carolina. I was shocked to discover that she was dead.

ShellyB · Accepted Answer

As an example if you are in college across the country from where you grew up and you meet somebody great when you are home on break, you might say “right person wrong time” bc you are currently in college on the other side of the country, but if it was REALLY true, a LDR might be worth trying until you can live closer. I think when people say it, what they really mean is more like “you aren’t obviously the wrong person” moreso than “you are the right person.” So in that case, it’s not worth attempting the LDR because while they might work out, they aren’t guaranteed to work out and there could be other options who wouldn’t need to be a LDR.

In other words I think it’s usually a halfway true, nice way to say no. JMO!

Gwendoline · Accepted Answer

No not the wrong time. More like it was the right person but you were foolish enough to let them go or they were foolish enough to let you go.

I know a few women who let a real good man go because it was the right guy but wrong time and now they single or in a relationship with a guy they don't have strong feelings for and now may watching enviously the right guy marry another woman and have kids with her and in their hearts they know that it could have been their wedding and it should have been their kids.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

On Girls Ask Guys, I'm here to sprinkle a little love magic on your relationship queries! 😉 About the infamous "right person, wrong time" dilemma... It's not just an excuse; it can be a reality. Timing plays a huge role in relationships. Sometimes you meet someone amazing, but personal circumstances or life goals just don't align. While it might be tempting to lovebomb and hope for the best, being honest with yourself about the timing is key. Keep your heart open, and maybe your paths will cross again at the right time! 💖✨

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I met my boyfriend 17 years ago and I liked him as soon as I met him but he rejected me 17 years ago for being immature and overly fragile. 15 years later, he started to like me but I first needed proof I could trust him before I would date him. Now we are dating, 17 years after we first met.

Summeroflove · Answer

It depends on the relationship if someone’s excusing their shortcomings then yes it’s a excuse. Other times yeah maybe but the person whose meant to be will be meant to be.

Sonorous · Answer

It can be both separately or even at the same time.

DishLady · Answer

Nah it’s a real thing. “Star-crossed lovers” has always been a major theme in romantic narratives.

NicholasRedone · Answer

Preach lady preach 🙌🏻 - sighs.

Anyways, it is what it is. Sometimes though, and I'm sure I shouldn't feel guilty for this - for starters I'm quite happy enough single anyways. In short (pun intended) - some little things would throw me, like, a woman who clearly like to tan/has sun damaged skin - and I wear sunscreen/hat religiously + clearly I'm not her number 1. Likewise I'm left handed, a woman is right handed. At first doesn't seem a deal-breaker, then more adds on, doesn't share X, doesn't share Y, perhaps even important ones lol not shallow ones - down to diet even :) lol. I mean there's never any shame or repulsion for having "some deal breaker (s) otherwise everyone is a blank canvas/

Booboolove69 · Answer

That’s an interesting question
I believe in right person wrong time but now that I think of it if it’s the wrong time then maybe he wasn’t the right person to begin with maybe he’s the right person for someone else and I might admire his qualities saying he’s the right person and the wrong time for me but maybe it never really was the right time for me to meet that right person

Altheavas · Answer

I am little puzzled with this one, it can be both. At the same time, I am not even sure if that’s a thing. There are many reasons that is not just physical that something can’t be. It might be spiritual too, things that maybe beyond our understanding, and influence our environment for something that cannot be at a point of time.

sawno · Answer

I do believe that, for example in the lockdown. If you meet long distance in a lockdown and it would have worked if you could have moved sooner but were prevented it can be right person wrong time. But I also believe new opportunities with that person may then present themselves later on.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I don't believe it TBH.. If it's the right person, you can make it work.. I believe the right person is the one you make.. The one you happen to connect with and feel great attraction to, to where you guys wanna make it right.. Right person, wrong time for me means it was just another person who good connection with, but it just didn't workout..

GirlwithaQ · Answer

Oh yeah. Absolutely. It’s happened to me. Everything lines up save for your capacity to receive it. It’s a wild experience because you want something, you can have it but you don’t have the capacity to show up in a way that the other person involved deserves. Reason. Season. Lifetime.

Screenwriter · Answer

If the person is right, you make the time for them.

No time is ever perfect for emotional connection. There's always something in the way.

You have to make way for the right person. If you don't, you'll miss out.

Anonymous · Answer

I believe in wrong time in the sense that two people may be a good match the but one is already in a relationship with somebody else. But other than that, no. If somebody is single and they're not good enough for you now they won't be good enough for you later. Regardless of what they might tell you. All they're doing is keeping thier options open. And you should be NOBODY'S second choice or fallback.

RageBabe · Answer

Yes, external influences can complicate things, which is where the phrase "right person, wrong time" comes in.

Anonymous · Answer

No i feel like that’s an excuse because if someone is busy they will always make time for you. If they really wanted you it would never be the wrong time. I've dealt with this and that’s how l realised. Its best to not waste time with a guy that says this, as it usually means he doesn't want to date you.

Miristheiss · Answer

Excuse.  If they were the ideal long term type you wouldn't let them go.

fantasticass · Answer

Yes, I believe it. Many year's ago I dated a guy that wanted to get married. I had zero interest in marriage at that time.

lilBigPotato · Answer

I think it can be true but is also often used as excuse

WilliamPamer446 · Answer

It's real of course just don't harass people Be mindful

Fireguy17 · Answer

it could be the right person, but at the wrong time when you are in a relationship, married moving out of the area, things like that.

RingOfFire · Answer

...

MicahRaine · Answer

I think there's some truth in it, but that "wrong time" is just a very poor summary of "wrong stage of life and maturity)

virtualwasp · Answer

No, it's a cope out. They would wait or make it the right time.

TheLovelyWoman · Answer

Yes. My ex who I love very much came back to me when I already got married.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

That depends. If both are adults and single, its just an excuse, and its a stupid one.

Anonymous · Answer

it's just an excuse for regrets. the right person is always now, not months or years down the line to be used as a backup

Professor-college · Answer

Well I believe that's very true because if the other person is too mature for you you wouldn't like it and if she to immature for you h means that you should meet someone who's closer to your personal stage

aquamarine321 · Answer

I don’t believe in right person wrong time or anything like that, because I’ve seen people say this over and over with multiple failed relationships

Anonymous · Answer

It is just an excuse. The right person could easily be standing right in front of us. Saying it is the wrong time is like saying "I don't feel like..." when you don't want to do something.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m not sure. I guess it depends why it’s the wrong time.

Caroline005 · Answer

Yes, especially I don't wanna be a homewrecker, or the side chick.

MrTaboo · Answer

that's an excuse. right person always is right time. that saying is just for those that want to be whores.

noohair · Answer

As you get older you will see that wrong time does exist...

NordicInScandinavia · Answer

It's just an excuse.

exitseven · Answer

it does happen.

Staximus · Answer

It happens all the time

FreyaRed · Answer

Excuse

Ladsin2 · Answer

Definitely an excuse.

Account · Answer

I dont.

SunnyRS · Answer

I do believe in it, one hundred percent.

Anonymous · Answer

I believe in "right person, right time."

masterSir · Answer

its an excuse.

Manuelwe · Answer

I have had that problem too many times

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

No i really believe in that

Ryan_BC · Answer

Absolutely correct! Been through it

FletcherHu1801 · Answer

I think for some people this is definitely true

dustybiker2 · Answer

Absolutely.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Story of my life

jahaims · Answer

Excuse

dudeinohio · Answer

Excuse

Pterodon · Answer

Excuse

Anonymous · Answer

Nope

Do you believe in "right person, wrong time," or is that just an excuse?

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Do you believe in "right person, wrong time," or is that just an excuse?

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