Why do I still cry and feel so emotional, haunted by someone I used to love, even when I'm alone and trying to move on?

[unknowngurll1212]

I’ve been feeling really emotional lately when I’m alone. I keep thinking about someone I used to love, and it still haunts me. Do you have any advice on how to deal with these feelings or how to move on when it feels like they’re still affecting me?

[SteveSmith1985]

It depends on whether what you're feeling is unhealthy. It depends on how long ago it was that the loss occured.

I can tell you, that there is a whole lot more being "haunted" by these feelings than people talk about. It is normal to be devistated if you cared deeply for someone. There is no trick or secret for moving on.

This is going to sound like some cheesy bullshit, but its not. Time.

That is what it takes to heal. Its possible that you never completely heal, but you will not be anything like how you feel now.

Do you know what the problem is, with the healing?

It takes time, but what nobody tells you, is that healing hurts. A lot. It hurts so much while its happening that people almost always only realize how much healing has occured... in retrospect.

While your heart is aching, and your crying yourself to sleep more often than you think you should. When you wonder if you'll ever be over this. When you're hurting the most... that's when healing is happening. That's what healing feels like.

Then one day, you'll realize: "holy shit! I didn't think about them once all day" (usually you're just busy with life stuff)

Then you'll notice more of those days. Then it'll be "wow, its been a couple of days since I even thought about it at all"

That's how this usually happens. That's when you can judge your healing. It has to be in retrospect.

(Also... at any point there is always the not-as-unlikely-as-you-think chance that some guy will suddenly enter onto the scene of your life's stage. There are a fair percentage of cases where you move on very suddenly and quite unexpectedly.

[unknowngurll1212]

wow, that really hit deep... i never thought about healing like that before, but it makes so much sense... it does hurt, nd sometimes it feels never-ending, but mayb that just means i'm in the middle of the process. i’ll try to remind myself that one day,... i'll look back nd see how far i’ve come. thnk u for this, really... 🤍

[SteveSmith1985]

That's exactly right. You are indeed in the middle of the process. You'll only realize it happened, when healing is over (or looking back on how much has happened already).

That knowledge does nothing to make it easier. It is meant to keep you "hanging in there" during the worst days, months, or (hopefully not) years of your life. Its meant to be intellectual knowleedge that helps it make sense to keep going. Even when you don't feel its ever going to end. Just hang in there. It doesn't do anything at all to help you hurt less.

Hang in there. It will be ok... sooner than you think possible.

🙂

[unknowngurll1212]

that really means a lot... even if it doesn’t take the pain away, just knowing that this is part of healing helps. i’ll hold onto that nd keep pushing through... thnk u for your kindness... 🤍

[SteveSmith1985]

You're quite welcome. I'm glad it helps (intellectually). Keep pushing through. 🙂

[Blunky]

Developing new routines helps immensely. Things to keep me busy mentally to keep myself from ruminating with the should have, would have, could have. It takes time but once I'm accustomed to the new routines and the desire to do them well, I can slowly get back into the old ones I still enjoy without being overwhelmed. The memories of them never go away completely but they get minimized to where they no longer give me pause.

[unknowngurll1212]

that makes a lot of sense... keeping my mind busy with new routines might help me stop overthinking the past so much. It’s just hard at times, but I guess with time and consistency, it’ll get better... thnkz, it really means a lot! 🤍

[Blunky]

Rooting for ya. Think of it as having a limited amount of energy, because we do.

The more energy you dedicate to adding a little structure in life and regaining control over it, the less you have to spend dwelling on negative thoughts which will help you stabilize over time.

And you're right, consistency is key. Sooner or later you'll be asking yourself why you even let this bother you so much. You've got more important things to do.

Hang tough, you got this. 👊

[unknowngurll1212]

that really puts things into perspective... i never thought of it like managing energy, but it makes so much sense... instead of wasting it on things i can’t change, Ii should focus on building something better. i’ll try to stay consistent nd trust the process. thnkz a lot, ur words really helped... 🤍

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the mysteries of the heart can be quite the rollercoaster, can't they? 🎢 Here's the scoop: love is a powerful thing, and those emotions linger because they were real and deep. It's perfectly normal to feel haunted by those memories as you're strolling down memory lane. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting; it means acknowledging those feelings and gradually finding closure. Try indulging in new hobbies or rediscovering old passions. Letting yourself feel is part of healing, darling! Just take it one day at a time, and you'll find your groove again. You've got this! 💪💕

[ohsheeT]

It sounds like you could be an empath. If you feel and see things deeper than most people if you watch movies and cry I mean anything that you can feel it hear makes you cry then I bet that's what you are Ask google what an Empath. And I'm not 100% positive, but I think there might be a test on there that you can take. Take it and let me know if you are. I'm going to say you are fir other reasons to

[unknowngurll1212]

yh, i think u might be right... I’ve always been super sensitive... if a movie has an emotional scene or a character dies, I’ll definitely tear up. 😅 I feel things deeply, nd sometimes it’s a lot to handle, but I guess that’s just part of who I am... 🤍

[ohsheeT]

And a part of who you will become if you choose to dial in your craft

[PeachyPie93]

Love can be haunting.. I fell hard 3 years ago.. and we had a bad fight because he was constantly flirting with other girls so I walked away.. It took me 2 years to get over it but even now sometimes when I think back to things he said to me or see an old pic somewhere and it makes me cry.. Only thing that dulls the pain is time, unfortunately..

[unknowngurll1212]

gurll.. i understand how tough it can be, but you're strong for feeling through all of it. Sometimes, the pain doesn’t go away right away, but that doesn’t mean you’re not healing. I’ve been through something similar with Shahzad too, and I know how confusing and painful it can feel. Just know you’re not alone in this journey. You’ll get through it, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. I’m sending you a big flying virtual hugs towards uh..🤍stay strong!..

[PeachyPie93]

Thanks! And I hope you get through the tough times too..

[glennos89]

It's difficult to let go of someone if you really loved this person.
You can always try to reimburst that candle that you once had with this person.

If that's not a option anymore then the only you can do is trying to find new love.
Try to make new friends and see if you meet someone new that you become interested in. Their are plenty of apps available to be able to make new friends

[unknowngurll1212]

yh, letting go is definitely tough when u’ve truly loved someone... reigniting that candle isn’t really an option anymore, so i guess i just have to focus on moving forward... I’m not sure if I’m ready to meet someone new yet, but maybe with time,.. i’ll feel open to it... nd thnks for ur advice..🤍

[Shiprex]

Routines and business as well as mindfulness will help you cope with this. It's a time honoured thing that recovering from heartbreak requires healing and time to process

It will get easier

[unknowngurll1212]

yh, i guess time nd keeping myself busy are key to healing... It’s just a little tough ri8 now, but i hope it does get easier with time... thnkz for the reassurance, i really appreciate it! 🤍

[Shiprex]

No worries
Stay positive the future is bright

[Manuelwe]

A young muslim and highly educated. I have known many like you.
I ment muslim women who loved non Muslim men and could not compromise.
Love is strange bit believe is worse. The heart and body says yes but you brain says no because of your believe. I feel for a Muslim woman who loved me but money more. Even try to steal mine I believe. But we are still friends though not dating

[unknowngurll1212]

I can totally relate to what you're saying. I’m a medical student, and I once had a similar experience with someone he too is medical student my senior.. who really made me feel special at first. We had this great connection, and I truly thought things could work out long-term. But over time, once I gave my full attention to him, things started to change. It felt like he pulled back after realizing he had my full attention and maybe started taking it for granted. It’s hard when you feel like you’re the only one putting effort into a relationship while the other person pulls away.

It’s frustrating because you start questioning whether it was real or just something that happened because of the attention in the beginning. But I’ve learned that it's important to stay true to myself and not lose sight of my own worth. If someone truly values you, they won’t treat you like an option, and they’ll put in the effort as well. It’s definitely a learning experience, but I’m working on moving forward with the belief that the right person will appreciate me for who I am, not just for the attention I give... but it was my first love so.. its still haunting me..

[unknowngurll1212]

and he is not non muslim

[unknowngurll1212]

also I’m sorry you went through that experience. It’s tough when someone’s priorities aren’t aligned with yours, especially when trust is involved. But I believe that real connections are built on respect, not material things...

[Manuelwe]

So he was a Muslim man? Sorry to say he used you. He knew you liked him but he decided to do the muslim rule of four women to one man. He has a white girl now I bet. I hope I am wrong. For my muslim ex girlfriend would has many men I heard. Most white Pole or Russian men.
That is her choice and her future. Sadly

[Manuelwe]

I pray I am wrong and he is shy or he loved you but his family did not like you for any reason not fair to you or your heart

[unknowngurll1212]

I get what you’re saying, but no, it wasn’t about him wanting multiple women. He’s always been clear that he believes in marrying only one person. Our family backgrounds are actually perfect for each other, but our relationship was a secret—we never exposed it to our parents. So, family wasn’t really the issue. What really hurt was how he changed over time—like I was the only one putting in the effort.

Honestly, people like him exist—it’s quite natural. Not everyone is characterless or a player, but some just change like chameleons without even realizing the impact they leave on others. Maybe he was emotionally distant, maybe he never cared as much as I did… either way, it’s not fair to my heart, but I’m learning to accept it and move on. Appreciate your thoughts though!

[Manuelwe]

You are so educted that you could not see the truth. You both kept your relationship a secret from parents. But it helped him more than you think. I am sure he is not playing the secret game with other women.
You see that you are young and sure are pure in body and mind. I do not know how are you got. But like your reply about ovulation. Men sadly have our cycles in days or hours than weeks. He clearly his save woman and telling what you want to hear.
Forget him and move on. If he is hiding you from family and friends them is truly using you not loving you. Sorry but FACT.
He saw you had a way to control you and he did. I bet he will be back quicker than wind if he sees you with another man. Even if it is a non Muslim. Then leave you again once he has gone

[Manuelwe]

I will say that this is why women in Islam Catholics and Jewish get it worse than the other religions.
You put in effort because he is a control man. If you are in England or USA, I would report him to police or iman of your church. He is a control freak. He wants to control you first then make you his slave.
A lucky escape. But do not take him back. It could be dangerous for you. Ok?
He has his next victim and dealing with her or even him now

[unknowngurll1212]

I understand you’re trying to look out for me, and I appreciate that, but I think you’ve misjudged the situation. He never controlled me, and it was never about manipulation or using me. We both kept our relationship a secret because we weren’t ready to involve families yet—it wasn’t just his decision, it was ours. And trust me, he wasn’t living some double life or playing a secret game with other women.

Yes, he changed over time, and yes, it hurt. But not every man who pulls away is a “control freak” or someone dangerous. Sometimes, people just don’t know how to handle emotions, or they take someone for granted without even realizing it. That’s the part that hurts the most—knowing that I gave my all to someone who didn’t value it the same way. But it doesn’t mean he was evil or had bad intentions.

I don’t regret loving him because, at one point, it was real for me. But I do know I deserve better than someone who can’t meet me halfway. Moving on isn’t easy, but I’m trying. I just don’t see the need to paint him as a villain—he was flawed, like many people are, but that doesn’t mean he was out to harm me.

I do appreciate your concern though, truly.

[Manuelwe]

Your long strong willed but I see red flags
Love with your heart but trust with doubt

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Trauma and loss is hard, and there’s no shame in crying about it. If you have unresolved feelings, I would see about addressing it via a journal or a trusted friend you can talk through it with

[unknowngurll1212]

that’s really kind of u to say. .. i guess i do have some unresolved feelings, nd mayb writing them down or talking to someone could help... It’s just not always easy to open up, but I’ll try. thnk u for understanding nd for ur advice! 🤍

[Desi_Butcher]

Coz although it's not impossible but it's not easy. It takes time. It's not something that'll happen overnight. Takes a lot of courage and strength to move on. But rest assured you will. 😇

[unknowngurll1212]

yhh, i guess moving on isn’t something that happens overnight... It really does take a lot of strength, nd some days feel harder than others... but I hope I’ll get there eventually... thnkz for the encouragement, it means a lot! 🤍

[Desi_Butcher]

Anytime dear. It always helps to share and talk it through. Whenever you feel down, don't hesitate to hmu.

[Brandi555]

I’m sorry sweetie. But it’s gonna take some time. I know it sucks but it will get better soon. Everything happens for a reason and things will get better. If you wanna talk let me know. 🙂

[unknowngurll1212]

aww, that’s really sweet of u to say... yh, it definitely sucks right now, but I’m holding on to the hope that things will get better with time... i really appreciate your kindness... it means a lot! 🤍

[Brandi555]

Anytime. I know how you feel. I promise it gets better. 😋

[wkhan_87]

Just focus on your life goals keep yourself busy in positive activities, and trust in destiny.. it is normal conditions in teen age.
But just keep moving forward

[unknowngurll1212]

yh, i guess staying focused on my goals nd keeping myself busy is the best thing i can do right now. It’s not easy, but I’ll keep moving forward... thnks for the advice nd encouragement! 🤍

[moneymagnet24]

Because you're lonely
You deserve to be loved ❤️

[unknowngurll1212]

mayb you’re right... loneliness does make things harder. but i guess healing takes time, nd I’m trying to find peace within myself first... still,... your words mean a lot... thnk u...🤍

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel, the same thing happened to me, it was unrequited love.

[unknowngurll1212]

: ) stay strong as I can imagine how tough that must’ve been... Unrequited love is really hard to deal with. but I’m sure things will get better with time,,...

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks, I hope so too...

[Gayuglycowardv3]

because you had sex outside of marriage

[unknowngurll1212]

that’s not true, we never did... feelings can still be deep without that. 🤍