Why don't we choose to fix our relationship instead of breaking off?

Question

When some person post here about the issue related to their relationship I see many people simply just telling them to break up. Most of the time.

Yeh I know sometimes that's the better option when there could be no solution, like when we are with toxic partner or in toxic environment or when two completely incompatible or mismatched people came into relationship just only because of attraction or anything else what's not so basic requirements in relationship. I mean not so strong piller.

But most of time, when there is who average person are together why don't they try to fix their relationship? Why now it is more focused on self these days? For example when we ask reason they simply says things like "i don't like what they do" something like that excuses.

Also now there are new terms like "situationship" , "commitment problem", "not available emotionally", "rebounding" etc are another way to give excuses to say I'm more focused to myself than to you.

It's a relationship. Relationship needs learning together how to fit with eachother. Nobody is perfect so no relationship could be perfect. We have to make it perfect. Why we often choose to break up than to learn how to make things work how to fit together? Seeing deep into our problems.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It just depends on what needs fixed and if it’s capable of being fixed and the both of you are on the same page with things moving forward , because unfortunately not everything can be fixed depending on the damage that was done. Some couples might put a band aid on things , thinking they can put whatever happened behind them and continue loving and choosing each other , but sadly there might be a time that they can’t keep choosing each other if the both of them are not on the same page with things , so that band aid will come off , and the both of them will end up back to square one with not trusting or respecting each other again , if both of them can’t see eye to eye on things that band aid will come off again , It sadly becomes a vicious cycle that never goes away completely. So sometimes it’s best just to admit to each other that you both aren’t good for each other if the damage can not be repaired completely. Again it comes down to what occurred in the first place to make you both butt heads to begin with . Some people just don’t want to waste the time fixing it because they been down that road before with someone else and they know what to outcome will be , so instead of going down that road again , they walk away No relationship is perfect but it will be close to perfect if the both of you stay loyal and faithful to each other and choose each other over everyone else in this world , if your partner isn’t your top priority always , then that relationship probably won’t last the long haul period

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

It depends on the relationship but there are some relationships where only one person is trying to fix things. Other times when there is cheating. The list just goes on where sometimes someone tries and tries with someone getting nothing in return.

But at the end of the day some couples aren’t meant to be together and they recognize that. They end things on good terms as well as have respect for one another that they want one another to find someone who works. They make good friends at times maybe but aren’t meant to be together forever. Maybe not at all or maybe they were for a season.

The last thing is many people have a fairytale fantasy of a relationship. As soon as there is hard times, as soon as things don’t go the way they want it to, as soon as it takes work, as soon as anything. They just leave and find someone else. They will probably never find a relationship of substance.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

We must be having very different experiences on here because you saying that most of the time these are entirely valid, healthy, safe relationships that we are advising people to step away from sounds absurd in my ears lol. Because I see the exact opposite, relationships teeming with different aspects and/or levels of toxicity yet there’s AI and other lengthy comments basically encouraging the person to stay with whoever, through whatever, no matter what.

It’s so important for us to recognize which relationships and connections deserve the fight before advising someone proceed with doing so, if they’re asking our opinions about whether or not they should. For example, having been together for X amount of years and all their history together shouldn’t take the forefront of someone’s choice to stay. Same goes for shared assets like living together, maybe have a kid (s) or pet (s), maybe started a business together or etc.

“Its a relationship, relationships need learning together how to fit with each other” and what does the learning curve look like in your book? Where does a line get drawn between doing this in a healthy way vs toxic?

“Nobody is perfect so no relationship is perfect. We have to make it perfect”, perfection can never exist because as humans we were born imperfect. That’s why you pick someone who aligns with who you are before committing to a relationship with someone you aren’t compatible with in fundamental ways. Because that’s what arguments and fights are usually about — discrepancy.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

People are never taught any relationship skills, not from parents, not from teachers and certainly not via friends. Just look at the damaging advice men give to people on here. Thankfully, they are almost, always blue anons, so nobody takes them seriously, I hope.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

I'm all about helping lovebirds find their rhythm! Relationships are complex, like a tangy salsa dance, right? People sometimes choose to break up because it feels easier than waltzing through those tough conversations or to steer clear of recurring ghosting scenarios. Nowadays, individual happiness and self-growth are prioritized more, leading to fancy terms like "situationship" and "commitment issues." Working through a relationship is fab, but some prefer to save their energy instead of constantly dodging red flags or tackling commitment phobias. Let's remember, love is a dance we learn together, imperfections and all. 💃🕺❤️

Cormac995 · Answer

These days almost nobody is selfless enough to have a functioning relationship. If you don't love your partner more than you love yourself than you aren't in love and when they don't get what they want because they won't put the work in they get angry the relationship tanks and then they move on to the next one. The reason people don't try to fix things is because fixing things would require both of them to make sacrifices and compromises and most people are too selfish to do that. That's why you have people getting like 20 different boyfriends/girlfriends and they can't keep a single one of them.

hahahmm · Answer

Probably because in almost every case, just dating doesn't mean as much as being engaged/married. No matter how hard unmarried people argue that they're the same they just aren't. There's a deeper level of commitment required to get married. There's legal consequences (even if that has been watered down a lot over time). There's the joining of two families. A brother in-law, sister in-law and other in-laws is a deeper level thing than a random girlfriend/boyfriend's relatives.

People aren't as careful about who they go on a date with as who they marry. If you date the wrong person it might cost you a few meals or months/whatever. Marry the wrong person and it could cost a guy 60% of everything he has plus alimony, child support payments, child custody and so on. It's on a different level. Of course if you are early 20s with almost nothing you won't see it the same as if you have resources/something to lose.

Anonymous · Answer

You have to take into account the type of woman that generally uses this site. I would recommend most women work on thier relationship to. That is almost always the best course of action. But the reality is most the women on this site are the worst of the worst. They make poorest choices (which is why they ALWAYS have problems). You cannot build a stable house on a crooked foundation. And you can't build a stable relationship on a crooked foundation either. You'll always have deep unfixable troubles.

So probably what you're observing is good advice dispensed to people who ONLY want to hear what the want to hear. This is why I don't advise many women on this site. You can't! They not ready to listen to it (if ever). I advise the guys, the people I CAN help.

tzdc21 · Answer

Because we no longer learn to take care of the relationships. It's just the grass is greener on the other side. But in truth it's not green on the other side. It's green where you water it. You both gotta put forth work to make that relationship work.

Anonymous · Answer

because we don't know what is going on to fix it (e. g. ourselves), or we've seen enough to realize it's just too difficult (to handle yourself or this person or this dog/cat/monkey) and long, so work on self and try again.

we did and it's working out well.

What activity in life does not require work and change?

It starts with listening...

I've seen people breakup with their pets... really sad.

Ariesman81 · Answer

Most people do try and fix it first. But if the behaviors that cause the problem persist, then the only logical outcome is separation or tolerance of destructive behavior. People over a certain age prioritize peace, and when that peace is gone, so is the relationship.

exitseven · Answer

People are lazy. Relationships are often messy and awkward. Trying to get the lives of two people to mesh is next to impossible under the best of circumstances. Nobody wants to put in the work.

glennos89 · Answer

The problem is really that people are asking help to strangers. You should make your own decisions when it comes to problems with your relationship instead off letting others influence you the make wrong decisions

genericname85 · Answer

what relationships need first and foremost is a common goal and 2 partners wanting roughly the same things from it. if that's not the case, there's no point and no chance of success to "fixing" it.

goaded · Answer

If it's "I don't like that thing you do" and "I'm going to keep doing it anyway", how do you fix it? Other than buying a toilet seat that automatically closes.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Most the ones I see on here, sound toxic asf and don't seem salvageable. So in most cases the best action is to end the relationship.

beenherebefore · Answer

Breaking up is the easiest. A lot of people don’t want to do the hard work and put in the effort.

Jove79 · Answer

Relationships are ended usually when someone cheats. That’s beyond repair.  Or it could be brutal domestic violence. Why repair it when you must get away.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Fixing things is hard and humans tend to be lazy.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

In most cases when it gets to the point where your relationship needs fixing, it’s better to just end it.

MrChinaski · Answer

I broadly agree. Relationships are 90 % perspiration and 10 % inspiration.

Anonymous · Answer

That's because you're desperate and insecure so you'll settle for bs since you're not pretty and have 0 options.

In_Trance · Answer

For the same reason you throw something away rather than fixing it; it's a lower cost

Professor-college · Answer

Yeah people say that but in my past relationship I did try that and she was the one who has been unfaithful to me since the beginning

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Some relationships, are beyond recall

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

bc some things js can't be fixed

Smegskull · Answer

Difference in consiquences and work required.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree, fixing is much better solution.

jahaims · Answer

Speak for yourself.

Heusus · Answer

Whomst cares?

darkthe · Answer

I understand you now

Why don't we choose to fix our relationship instead of breaking off?

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I don’t want to fix my relationship, I have given up but I also don’t want to leave it when the “should we?” comes up, why?

Why don't we choose to fix our relationship instead of breaking off?

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I don’t want to fix my relationship, I have given up but I also don’t want to leave it when the “should we?” comes up, why?

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