Do you agree it's a mistake if a woman moves in with her boyfriend with the expectation of a proposal one day?

[Marblesxoxo]

If she moves in, thinking that it's really a step towards marriage in the future... and in her mind really expects a proposal one day, isn't that a mistake on her part?

She shouldn't assume things, build fantasies in her head nor think that's expected after a while. Moving in is just that, moving in. Otherwise why are there too many ''We've been living together for 5+ years'', why isn't he proposing?

Updates

1 y

Too many of those stories. Too many women build those fantasies and it says as that; as her own fantasy, her own dream that she'll never have as long as he's keeping her as perpetual live-in-gf to enjoy the moment.

[Summeroflove]

Every case is different of people doing this and it’s not just for women either it goes for men too. Some people future fake someone using someone as a hold over until they can find someone better that may mean promising to propose without ever really proposing or prolonging a engagement.

People move in for many different reasons the issue is that if people break up it can cause issues especially because your entitlement to certain things will be limited.

A lot of people build fantasies in their head both men and women of who they want someone to be and the future. While ignoring reality it’s okay to plan and think of things but people need to see red flags for what they are. Seeing if someone’s intentions are more nefarious then they are letting on. Maybe they want to use someone as a roommate for financial reasons as well as have someone to fill space while they find someone else.

Narcissists are the worst about building fantasies. They create a fantasy of someone whose perfect and when you don’t live up to their expectations you’ll be resented by the narcissist. Obviously you must accept them for who they are though right

[RingOfFire]

Why should a guy buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Marblesxoxo]

True. He's already getting all the benefits of the relationship without responsibilities.

[RingOfFire]

Exactly. A guy doesn't respect you if you let him do that. You have to make him earn it.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

A random man in the grocery store told me this: “if you’re looking to be married, which you look like you will be. Don’t move in with him. By that time he’s already getting the milk no need to buy the cow.” Which is really true. Not that I’m looking to be married on paper, I like being single. It was still solid advice. I’ve known plenty of women hearts were broken from both parties wasting each other’s time. When you don’t have clear communications on life expectations then a woman is setting herself up for failure usually, by moving in with the guy. You can’t just assume you’ll get a ring. Men don’t want to be upfront when things like consistent sex is on the line, I guess.

Personally even before I met the random man in the grocery store, I wouldn’t move in with a man unless there’s an agreed upon higher level of commitment from the both of us and he’s a decent human being. Knowing me I’d own the home and I’m not letting a man move in with me nor would I sell and move in with him. That way when he gets on my nerves I don’t have to pack anything or go anywhere. I can just be in my home in peace.

[Marblesxoxo]

That man you met is very smart indeed and being so straight forward about that whole cohabitation arrangement. It's obvious men aren't going to be upfront by saying ''we're just going to be living together but might not ever get married, depends, take it or leave it'' and instead they'll likely through a convincing line such as ''I love you and would like to see how this works out'' and if she asks for when are they getting married and having kids, he'll likely throw the ''don't worry, one day, I see myself marrying you'' and then changed the subject; the vague (that promises nothing at all) answer like usual.

[Miristheiss]

To a degree.
But modern women already have SEX with guys they aren't married to so women still give the milk away for free.
Also, if so many women have given away so much "milk" for free to so many men then why should the current man risk family courts and alimony, losing assets and investments when she's already given it away for "free" risking pregnancy and disease with so many other men.

But, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free does have some logic behind it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Such a backwards viewpoint.

Moving in is a test to see if marriage will work.

If that test is passed, then sex is allowed and marriage is proposed (at the same time). But only a crazy person marries someone before living with them first to see what its like. Imagining marrying first, you move in, then realize you can't stand living together... what a nightmare that would be..

From my point of view, agreeing to sex IS a marriage proposal. If I day yes to sex, she should expect me to have rings already ready.

Don't fear moving in with him, fear preproposal sex.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

Thank you for the MHO OP!

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

@TheSpaceGnome and here you are having a counterproductive viewpoint. Nah you know what dictates if marriage will work? I’ll say it again. Healthy Communication! You’re just trying to play house with people with lack of commitment to waste time. Are you calling your great-grandparents crazy? My grandparents didn’t live together till they were married. I’m just saying, I wouldn’t fear moving in so much as I refuse to be a placeholder.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

@Miristheiss Depends on the circumstances. When women feel like a guy is the one the dynamic is a bit more challenging. Men are some Thots too so we’re not going to try to shoulder this entirely on women.

[Vesuvius87]

It is indeed a mistake. If she's looking for a husband, then all cohabitation will do is make the man comfortable with the situation and it's actually more likely they won't get married. There are exceptions to every rule and maybe the man can propose within 1-2 years but she's risking it if she really wants marriage.

By moving in with him, she's basically agreeing to a long-term boyfriend and isn't aiming for a husband. Cohabitation indeed isn't a step towards marriage and never was. Getting engaged and setting a date for the wedding is a step towards marriage.

[Marblesxoxo]

yeah it doesn't help much if she wants marriage and is wasting years of her fertility on a long-term boyfriend

[Shiprex]

So you're saying marriage benefits women more than men?

[Vesuvius87]

@Shiprex
Nope. I'm pointing out the obvious. If she's looking for a husband and not a long-term boyfriend, either she shouldn't agree to cohabitation or establish a timeframe if either she or him move in together. Then proceeed with a break-up if it's exceeding the timeframe she had established. Assuming she wants kids within a marriage, a woman doesn't have all the time in the world for that. We're the ones with a biological clocks meanwhile you men aren't.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach who's all about love vibes, let's get real! Moving in with the expectation of a proposal can be risky if those dreams aren’t shared. Communication is key, babe 💕! Expectations are tricky without clarity. A heart-to-heart chat is essential before unpacking those bags and dreams! Living together doesn’t always lead to "I do," and clarity can save you from those pesky red flags! 🏡💍✨

[OlderAndWiser]

Mistake unless they have an explicit conversation about that subject in advance.

[Marblesxoxo]

Indeed. That needs to be said earlier. I'm suprised so many women let years go by.

[Shiprex]

Marriage then is therefore a loss for men

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex I don't think that my marriage is a loss for me, but that is an evaluation that each man should make for himself.

[Shiprex]

For many it's a compromise of losses of freedom and cow towing to other's standards that mean your identity diminishes. Risks of divorce are dangerous and worse on men. @OlderAndWiser

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex I am an attorney and I have handled many divorces. The risks have changed and equalized for men and women at least in Florida, but the internet community does not want to acknowledge that.

[Shiprex]

@OlderAndWiser
Is alimony still a thing?
If so, Why does an individual have a "right" to the same lifestyle another provided for them when they aren't providing any of the lifestyle provisions they brought to a marriage when they divorce?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex Alimony still exists, in a modified form, and sometimes women must pay alimony to men. Alimony is awarded only in long term marriages, and then for a limited duration.

If a couple gets married, has kids, and they agree that she should stay home to raise the children, you can't expect her to immediately re-enter the work force and command the same salary that she would now be receiving if she had continued to work for those 15 or 20 years when she was busy with the children.

[Shiprex]

If a couple married they shared an income, resources and responsibility. They provided different things to the relationship. Why does it fall on the earner to continue to support the lifestyle they provided the spouse if the spouse isn't providing the marital services they provided before? It's a choice to not work and there are consequences to choices.

[Shiprex]

@Dovendyr aww

[Shiprex]

@Dovendyr When it's clearly showing a L for men why should they bother unless they're masochitss?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex

1. Your profile shows your status as "married." Perhaps you are not happy in your marriage but that doesn't mean there is something wrong with marriage in general. It just means there is something wrong between you and Mrs. Shiprex..

2. Maybe divorce laws are different in Sweden. The laws in Florida, USA are more enlightened than what you are stating.

[Shiprex]

@OlderAndWiser
Why do you presume I personalise the comments I make? That you then stalk my profile then make assumptions and incorrect interpretations of how things are here.
You also push ad hominem insinuations.
Stick to real estate transfer maybe that way investigators won't need to tidy up your false assertions.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex

1. "Why do you presume I personalise the comments I make?" I did not presume. The statement, "Perhaps you are not happy in your marriage. . ." is not a presumption.

2. "That you then stalk my profile" Looking at your publicly posted profile is not stalking, Nice try!

3, "then make assumptions and incorrect interpretations of how things are here." What I said was, "Maybe divorce laws are different in Sweden." This is the assumption?

4. "You also push ad hominem insinuations.: No. I did not.

5. "Stick to real estate transfer maybe that way investigators won't need to tidy up your false assertions." I don't handle real estate transactions but I have handled many divorce cases, What investigators? The ones who exist in your fantasy?

[Shiprex]

But you DID assume that I had marriage issues in the way you worded your response.
By clicking on a profile that's by definition seeking to discover something further about someone = stalking just as following someone in the street xan be classed as stalking.
They are different but details are irrelevant.
See above about assuming my marriage "issues" are a thing meaning you're implying something negative about my character or life that's deemed unfortunate.
Maybe you're missing out on a more suitable facet of your profession as the point above about stalking holds.
By personalising a generality you're deflecting the points being brought up.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex Continue to live in your fantasy life, victim!

[Shiprex]

It's not a fantasy and my status is irrelevant. You keep making this personal when it's not necessary. A loss of freedom to support and protect others is a loss no matter what perceived pleasures are returned. It's like paying for something then expecting to be as rich as you were before paying. You aren't and for men that's the norm

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex Okay, whatever. That's your story.

[Shiprex]

@OlderAndWiser
Yes and your assumption. Can you guess which is reality?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Shiprex Not sure about you, but I don't need to guess about what's real.

[Shiprex]

@OlderAndWiser
and the "real" your aspersions tried to imply are just guesses.

[OlderAndWiser]

You mean. . . perhaps you really don’t exist?

[Shiprex]

Ditto but the responses still keep coming

[Keyboardkat]

@Shiprex
Why? If you really love her a lot, why would you take a chance on having to let her go? Wouldn't you want her to be committed to you? It works both ways.

[Shiprex]

@Keyboardkat Why not get married? Because it's not necessary. The risk of divorce is 50% and the losses there are all lawyers benefits. If you're not married then there's no divorce to go through as well as the price of a wedding and all the crap associated with that is wasteful

[MrOracle]

Yes, I agree. Mostly because, as you said, it's WAY too easy for the woman to not listen to what the man is saying and what his actions are telling her - she'll convince herself that he's going to change his mind.

A man who wants to get married is going to be actively working towards marriage. He may not feel he is ready (usually, that's in the financial sense - he may want to know that he's got a good job or to get to a place in his career that he can reasonably assume that he'll be able to provide for them), but he'll at least be able to articulate the steps to get there and will actively work to achieve those steps.

A lot of women will get with a guy who never showed any real enthusiasm for marriage (just answering "yes" to the question "do you want to be married one day?" is not NEARLY enough!) and then be shocked when, 5+ years later, he's no closer to proposing than the day they met.

Delusions are easy to fall into, but women (young women especially) cannot afford to lose years of their lives on a guy who never had any intention of marriage, IF marriage is her goal. It doesn't matter how attractive he is or how "perfect in every other way" he is - if he's not looking to marry, you cannot expect him to marry you, so you need to end things and move on.

[Marblesxoxo]

Exactly. There are too many ''forever girlfriend'' stories even here too. Those women are waiting forever to get their marriage proposals and wedding they'll never have. They really thought a boyfriend asking them to move in with them meant he was serious about getting married in the future. Nope. It's sad when those young women eventually one day become 32+ year-olds and still just his girlfriend and no children.

[ManOnFire]

That is a huge mistake. That is already the reason why a lot of those guys never propose, they figure she's still sticking around so no need to get married. Right now I know someone who has been engaged for years, and she and her guy have been living together for that long, they also recently moved into a new home, and the guy has still not married this woman. But she sticks around.

I'm sure you've got some cases of dudes that still proposed when she moved in with him, but it's just better not to take that chance.

[Vesuvius87]

Even worse than a forever girlfriend is a forever fiancee waiting for a fictious wedding. Hopefully she smells the coffee and wakes up from her dream of the wedding she'll never have.

[ManOnFire]

@Vesuvius87 I hope so too. She herself is bothered by the fact that he still won't put a ring on her but she's not going to leave him especially now that they have this newer house together. I try not to tell her what to do because it's not my business or relationship. I feel bad for her, and deep down I know she's unhappy.

[Vesuvius87]

Wow she's getting used and her fertile years are getting drained. I had an ex boyfriend that nearly succeeded in destroying my fertile years (in making me believe that I wouldn't ever find anyone else) and I didn't even live together with him. He ended up with health issues (prediabetes, aging badly, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc) and sunk, meanwhile I've already succeeded with my goals; later than usual but did. I'm married by now and currently 8 months pregnant. Once in a while he calls from another new number (likely lonely and with no other supply to use) and I never replied back... I just keep blocking it.

Personally I don't believe in god nor karma but my mother does. She thinks that's really karma coming (badly) towards him.

[ManOnFire]

@Vesuvius87 Good job. He was probably one of those dudes who needs to control a woman to keep her. Sounds exactly like it. I believe in God and I do agree with your mom 100% that the guy is getting his karma. You've been one of the lucky ones to see it happen, plus you made it out from under him, a lot of women hold on to shitty men like that for years and waste their lives on waiting or hoping for him to change.

Unfortunately that friend is already past her fertile years, her and the guy have been together close to 10 years I think. From everything she tells me the dude is really a big baby of a man and drains her mentally and emotionally even though she says she loves him.

[Vesuvius87]

If he's draining her mentally and emotionally, I don't think that's love she's feeling. She's probably too attached, stuck in the infatuation/idealization stage (this is where she imagines all is perfect and that they'll one day get married) and afraid of not finding anyone else at an older age. Even if her fertile years are gone, there is really no age to start all over and get into a healthier, reciprocal relationship.
Love isn't suppose to make you feel unhappy nor drain you. If she eventually leaves that dead-end relationship, she's going to probably need help doing a vetting process if she decides to date again. A vetting process is doing an evaluation and selecting your partner wisely. For instance, base on what you're looking for, it's suppose to be someone that has similar goals, values and traits you have, a like-minded person.

[ManOnFire]

@Vesuvius87 That is exactly what it is, she's attached and believes they're meant to be together. She complains about the guy all the time yet still thinks she loves him. I think that's what she fears too if she leaves him: the unknown, and being without a partner or not being able to find a new one.

I can see how drained she is and I just hope one day things will fall into the right place for her, even if that includes letting go of that guy.

[beenherebefore]

Before moving in together I think you should discuss what's the purpose of moving in together. Is it to see if you're both compatible so you can take your relationship to next step in XYZ year? Or is it so he can have Husband benefits as in homecooked meals, regular sex, clean laundry without putting in any effort. Be very careful with this move. Couples who move in together with no clear plan have great chances of eventually breaking up.

[Marblesxoxo]

yeah there needs to be a discussion about it and the woman (the one with a biological clock; if she wants children in a marriage) should establish a timeframe if she wants to get married. Then if everything has been discussed and he's not following through with the timeframe established but gets comfortable with the husband benefits, that's the right moment for her to leave and dump him.

[molonski2]

It frankly annoys the sht out of me that some are addressing this question with sexual content , its got nothing to do with that. Couples move in together for many different reasons if they have not discussed potential outcomes , then its a situation where we need to consider " lets see how we go " , moving in together is not to be taken lightly , and if marriage is the desired outcome so be in , but that does not always work out.

So NO , I do not agree that its a mistake , and both sides should take this extremely seriously , and certainly no man is just going to move in with someone he half dislikes purely to bonk them , that's just completely ludicrous frankly.

Life has many different twists and turns , and for anyone getting married of course proceed with extreme caution.

[Marblesxoxo]

That's because we've heard too many times how the man is comfortable with the arrangement and either had no idea she expected marriage after a couple years or did suspected but plays dumb by giving her ''one day we'll get marriage'' (then changes the topic) vague answers and then wants to keep the ''living together'' arrangment for as long as possible meanwhile the woman is unhappy.

[slatyb]

It is if she wants to be married. We see many women on GAG asking why their boyfriend hasn't proposed after years of cohabitation. The sad answer is often because he doesn't want to marry, or else he doesn't want to marry you. He's doesn't see spending his life with you, but he's avoiding the drama of breaking up. Men can be a loving partner for years, all the while waiting for an imagined partner.

If you want to be married, don't move in together without a decision date -- the date on which you are either planning a wedding or breaking up.

[Marblesxoxo]

Exactly. He would've proposed long ago if he wanted to. They build too much fantasy in their minds. It's time for them to establish a timeframe from the beginning before moving in if she expects marriage. Then follow through with a break-up if either he hasn't proposed yet or does proposed but there is no wedding going on.
I've heard of another move certain guys also do; the ones where they proposed but after 4 years, he's keeps postponing things, they're still engaged and there still isn't a wedding set up yet.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope, I completely disagree.

Thats generally the expectation both people should be having at that point.

Step 1: Meet
Step 2: Become friends
Step 3: Become best friends
Step 4: Have platonic sleepovers and binge video games or tv with them.
Step 5: See eachother naked.
Step 6: Admit feelings if present, don't if not.
Step 7: Either continue as just best friends or start dating, depending on step 6.
Step 8: Makeout sessions and Oral.
Step 9: Move in together
Step 10: Sex with included marriage proposal.

This is a 4 year process by the way, with steps 5-8 happening at the 3 year mark, moving in happening at 3 and a half years, and marriage and sex at the 4 year mark.

[Marblesxoxo]

The thing is those women stuck in a very long-term relationship, already has sex with their boyfriend, already cooked their meals and lived as if they were married a couple but either he never proposed or does proposes but never set up a wedding date... keeps her as a forever girlfriend or fiancee, never progresses.

[Anonymous]

Not if she chooses the right man. But since so few women today are capable of choosing the right man, it's probably just as well she follow your advice.

I have a friend whose daughter is going through this right now. She's saving to buy a house. He's supposed to be doing the same. He does for a little while. Then he sees a new toy he wants. Like most recently a 4 wheeler. She's getting exasperated. I don't have the heart to tell her that he's getting milk already from her. And he has a place to crash. To a guy like him, what more does he need. It ain't ever changing till she forces change. And it might not even happen then.

[Marblesxoxo]

The sad thing is that several women likely need help in their vetting process when dating. If they have brothers and other male relatives, I'm sure they would be able to help her see through a man's lies and if a man isn't suitable; similar to how we can see through another woman's lies.
I hope she wakes up soon because it's bad for her years. She can't spend too many years with the wrong man.

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's what we're here for. To help! But let me tell you from experience. Most women DO NOT want help with the vetting process. Most women want you to tell them what they want to hear. Or more accurately they want you to tell them how to make a guy fall in line. Like that is possible.😆🤦‍♂️ there's only 1 thing that can make a guy fall in line. He's got to want to.

[Keyboardkat]

You know, back in the '70s, people used to talk about living together as "trial marriage, to see if we're compatible." It didn't work. Among couples who lived together and then got married, the divorce rate was surprisingly high! And often they didn't end up getting married, because guys often feel, "Just because I like milk, it doesn't mean I need to buy a cow!"

[Marblesxoxo]

Indeed. I've read that those with the stories of married for only 2 years but lived together for 8 years or married for 6 months but living together 5 years are those with the higher divorce rate. That's because living together that long, takes away the emphasize of a new journey towards a married life. Somewhere it said that it doesn't really show what you would be like if married. Sometimes the woman might overdo it with showing so much effort, so much dedication for a boyfriend (treating him like a husband when he's not) to see if he considers her a wife material or someone gets lazy since it's just living together.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If the couple have honestly and frankly communicated their expectations, then no. It’s not a mistake. If that doesn’t happen and one partner has no guarantee of the commitment they want and still choose to move forward with someone and their wishy-washy ways, that’s their choice.

[Marblesxoxo]

I think in most of those ''We've been living for 8 years, when will he propose'' stories, they probably didn't communicate much about it. But then there are stories of the guy reassuring her with vague answer about when they will get married and have kids after years of living together, saying ''I see myself marrying you'' then changing the subject or answering with a ''one day''.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

That’s when expectations need to be made clear, ie “We’ve been together for 8 years, I won’t be with you for another 8 unless you’re my spouse.”

[ProbablyClueless]

That seems like a pretty big mistake, yeah.

Especially for something that can change so easily. Why wouldn't you get something like that in writing, or at least in clear and definite terms?

There's just not really a reason to take that risk. Operating with ambiguity when it's easy enough for the other person to give you clarity is just silly.

[Marblesxoxo]

Exactly. I really don't understand how those women continue staying after their men gives them vague answers to their ''when are we getting married and having kids'' questions. The same answers I've heard over the years of hearing those stories are ''I see myself marrying you one day'' or ''I just need to ascend more in my job, one more year'', ''one day dear, one day'', etc. That's still not promising anything.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's the power of wanting something to be real. When you want something, your mind focuses on the aspects of the situation that confirm what you want to be real.

No one wants to believe that the person they would bend over backwards for would screw them over without a second thought the instant it appears to suit their needs.

Heck, it doesn't only happen in love, I've seen it happen all the time in business. "Why would ____ cut me out on this deal after everything I've done for them?" And answer? Because they're opportunistic, and because they could.

[Shiprex]

Nah, it lets both see what living together will be like and whether each can handle the other's idiosyncrasies and foibles. The way you can mingle with each other. It's NOT just about women's wants either. Men should get the chance to see just what kind of a wife she has the potential to become. The couch slob or the creative master

[Shiprex]

There's always the option of a woman proposing too icymi.

[Vesuvius87]

That can actually get someone less motivated if someone knows it's just living together or the woman can be putting too much effort and treating him like a future husband just to get proposed to, meaning not really genuine.

[Vesuvius87]

It has its disadvantages too.

[Shiprex]

@Vesuvius87 That's true but if she WANTS marriage, she can ask and if he accepts then she shouldn't complain if he doesn't live up to expectations.

[Vesuvius87]

True. She doesn't have to passively wait.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's a mistake. My wife and I lived together for 8 months before I proposed. Living with her helped convince me she was the one because I got a sense for what spending the rest of my life with her would be like, and I liked it. Your mileage may vary.

[Marblesxoxo]

well like someone mentioned before, there are always exceptions to all rules. In your case, it's great that things worked out and you proposed on a good timeframe. The stories I've read about those long-term cohabitation arrangement, the woman is unhappy and doesn't know why he hasn't proposed yet.. even when it's been 8 years into the relationship for instance. That's too much time to be waiting for a proposal.

[Opinion Owner]

Tow points. First, you've obviously been hearing or reading horror stories, and while I know they happen, they are not the norm. I know many married couples who lived together before they got married. I've heard of a few cases where the relationship dragged on without a proposal, to the disappointment of the women, but they are the minority. They are the exception, not the rule. And not one of those cases dragged on more than two years.

And second, if a woman has been in a relationship for 8 years and is unhappy or the relationship has not gone the way she wanted, it's no one's fault but her own. She has agency and can leave whenever she wants. Honest and open communication about desires and expectations is important. If you don't use it and/or don't get it from your partner, and you stick around anyway, you can blame yourself.

You should do what you believe is right for you, but don't go into it with a mindset based on misinformation.

[glennos89]

You should always discuss upfront how your partner thinks about getting married. Assuming that moving in will automatically means he will propose one dat is plane out stupid

[Marblesxoxo]

Indeed. That needs to be spoken about from the beginning. Then if they both discussed it and even established a timeframe (for instance 2-3 years) but man doesn't follow through with a proposal and she's unhappy, this is where she would need to proceed with a break-up and not wait.

[BonzoInBitburg]

In some states recognize common law marriage after living together as a couple. No need for a wedding.

[Marblesxoxo]

For the meantime, only 10 states recognize that.

[Nikki1989]

You should never assume or expect anything from a man. You are bound to be disappointed.

[Marblesxoxo]

Indeed. Instead of passively waiting for him to one day propose after years living together, they need to actively seek for men that want marriage within an adequate timeframe.

[Danny_dan92]

Only a mistake if she does it too soon.




A relationship takes time and effort. If you rush things you are setting yourself up for surprise disappointment later.

[Marblesxoxo]

Why are there so many ''We've been living together for 8 years, no kids no proposal yet, will he ever marry me'' stories? After 5-8 years, that's too much time to wait for a proposal.

[Danny_dan92]

I was saying in general. But yeah 8 years is a lot… I was thinking of proposing to my last ex by 3 years

[Marblesxoxo]

yeah the timeframe is usually 2-3 years and after 3 years, it's unlikely he'll never propose. If he still needs more time after the 3rd year mark, it's bad news.

[Danny_dan92]

More than likely yeah

[JordansGate]

You shouldn't do anything with an expectation in return.

[Marblesxoxo]

yeah... that remind me of the nice guy situations, where he isn't nice but doing things to expect something in return. I guess same can be applied here if a woman moves in with a man and goes out of the way acting like she's a wife (when she's only a girlfriend) with the expectation of a proposal and wedding within a couple years.

[Anonymous]

Gamble, yes. Mistake, not necessarily. For a lot of couples it's a step in a process of getting to know and "interviewing" each other.

[Marblesxoxo]

The second sentence makes more sense (interviewing process) than the women that move in thinking it's really a step towards marriage.

[Marblesxoxo]

Though after 5-8 years and still living together, there isn't anything else to interview. It has exceeded the ''getting to know each other'' process by then.

[Opinion Owner]

Well yeah, but who the hell stays in a relationship for 6-8 years expecting a proposal? Who would allow it to go on that long without heading for the exit?

[Babebytheshore85]

a lot of women set themselves up for failure then turn around and blame men. Men are actually not complicated and are straight forward

[Marblesxoxo]

Exactly. Moving in together doesn't mean he wants to propose within a year or 2 or that he's thinking about getting married. They created that fantasy in their minds. A man wanting marriage proposes and follows through with a wedding date.

[WhitneySnow]

No. Some couples really do live together before they get married.

[Marblesxoxo]

There are always exceptions and sometimes things worked out. What works for someone might not work for others.

[AndrésC64]

Absolutely. Again it's a case of women expecting men to be mind readers. Hint

[msc545]

If a woman really cares for a man, she is going to abandon the idea of marriage all together because marriage financially and legally completely disadvantages the man, and a woman that really loves him won't do that to him.

[Vesuvius87]

We actually needed marriage to be able to relocate and shorten our current long-distance situation (we're working on having that solved), either him to my place or vice-versa. Then our expecting baby boy needs to be registered as a dual nationality too. That process definitely can't be done by just being boyfriend and girlfriend. So marriage is useful for some things that just living together as partners can't offer.
Though it's bad to put us all in that category that we're all going to ruin a man's life. I do love him and am very appreciate for his dedication and efforts. I'm putting all my efforts too.

[Vesuvius87]

Then if (hopefully it never happens) your spouse has been involved in an accident and someone needs to make medical decision, if married then you're the direct person to make health decisions for them. If I were just a girlfriend, only his family would make that decision... same thing vice-versa.

[WonderingManII]

I don't think people should move in until they get married.

[Marblesxoxo]

Honestly, now that I'm analyzing this cohabitation trend more, it's really us that would be losing on that. More years living together (and childless... assuming the woman wants kids within a marriage) and waiting for the man to commit means less years of fertility for us and less time to then find a suitable marriage-minded man if she wants kids on time.
Meanwhile, the old ways from the past of waiting till marriage (the man waiting for the woman), worked good for both of them and things were done within an adequate timeframe.
The woman (the one with a biological clock, limited time to have healthy kids) waiting for the man is like doing things backwards.

[WonderingManII]

@Marblesxoxo I think the problem is complicated. Why doesn't the man want to settle with the woman? It's like he wants the pleasure of sex, but is scared of getting married to her. I want marriage for multiple reasons. I want a woman that I can trust, and a woman that is on the same team as me, and we go through life together.

[Marblesxoxo]

He doesn't love her and doesn't want to marry her, doesn't see her as the mother of his children. He's only infatuated and lusting over her.

[Marblesxoxo]

Feeling the highs and passion isn't love.

[bowenw]

It is something that should be discussed before moving in together.

[Marblesxoxo]

It should and it needs to be followed through by a timeframe if she really doesn't want to wait 8 years for a proposal.

[bowenw]

Agreed. A proposal before moving in together is how I would do it.

[soe11]

• I move in to my girlfriend''s house.

[Marblesxoxo]

Then it's even easier for her if she wants marriage but the man doesn't. She can break up and kick him out if it's her house. Were there discussion of what to expect and the reasons for moving in?

[Godihateyou]

Yes. Nobody buys a house cleaner if she moves in because you pay her rent.

[DrPepper12]

Seems reasonable to me. Obviously the relationship is going somewhere more intertwined

[Anonymous]

It can be a mistake, but it doesn't have to be.

[Marblesxoxo]

yeah communication about it has to be established from the beginning and then followed through with a break-up if she's so unhappy about it

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly, I agree.

[Miristheiss]

Yes. It is a mistake.

[Pterodon]

Big mistake on her part

[Marblesxoxo]

Indeed. The one with more to lose is really her if she gambles on that, then fails when it leads to a break-up after 8 years and she has less fertility time.

[MasterKS]

He is actually not serious.

[Marblesxoxo]

Yeah it's not a step towards marriage. It's just extending the dating stage.

[MasterKS]

@Marblesxoxo just physical.

[Marblesxoxo]

Those women who build too much fantasies about their proposal and wedding one day, only to find out it'll likely never happen and it was him getting all the romance, sex and even house service (the free benefits of a relationship without any responsibilities), they're in for a disappointment when they realized they gave it all for nothing.

[MasterKS]

@Marblesxoxo yes because mostly even after knowing female acts like emotional fool!

[Sal_Monella]

yes.

[jahaims]

Nope