My girlfriend has a male best friend and it's hard for me to get over that. Any tips?

Question

I trust my girlfriend first off. And I think I need to get use to a girl with a guy as a friend. Also she has multiple close friends mostly girls he's the only straight guy. Also she did have a point they've been friends for years and nothings happened. But what if he's waiting for his opportunity.. I don't know maybe its all in my head. Also he always calls her late at night. She said thats the only time he's free but still.. no they've never had sex or anything

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Honestly you have every right to feel this way if this is how you feel. It amazes me how many women will call a man insecure for things like this but will have their insecurities as well in relationships. Men know how other men think. A lot of women are naive when it comes to men, especially when they say he’d never try hitting on me we grew up together. Yes you two grew up together when you were small, no hormones, but once that part of your life change things change. Is your girl cute? If she is chances are he wants her. You know this as well as I do. If he was batting for the other team then ok I wouldn’t have as much concerns. I’m not so sure she’d be ok if things were the other way around, if you had a female friend who was calling you at the same time as he does her. If you feel this way you feel this way. This isn’t being immature. A lot of people have gone through a lot of things in their life that they’re insecure about, that doesn’t make them immature. A lot of women have had dreams that their man was cheating on them, so they asked to see his phone. Does that make her immature having irrational thoughts like that? If you’re not feeling it, it might be time to move on. Find a girl who doesn’t have a male friend like that. I get it. You don’t trust him. In wooly trust him either. We all have preferences. If her not having a male friend is one of your boundaries then stand your ground, respect those boundaries you set for yourself.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

If it’s a friend of hers way before you were in the picture , then you shouldn’t worry about it whatsoever, now if it’s a guy friend she met after you were with her then yes be concerned big time lol , Honestly man you have nothing to worry about , she wouldn’t be dating you if she had a thing for her friend , so the wise thing for you to do , is to just let it go and let it be , your girlfriend will love
You more when she realizes you aren’t being jealous or insecure over her friendship with him. Trust me on this , Now if you witness her friend flirting with her or making any comments about being sexual with her , then you have a right to step in and put your foot down , but if there isn’t any flirting or any kind of attempt from him to be with her , then just let it go. By you not allowing it to bother you , is going to make her want you even more. Females’ hate jealous insecure men. Girls’ like being with a guy that she’s afraid of losing to another girl , so make her chase you instead. She will more than likely chase you if you aren’t being jealous or insecure. If the intimacy and affection increases between you both , then you know for a fact she loves you

DishLady · Accepted Answer

I had to explain to a guy who’s interested in me that I work in several offices that are populated by guys… the only other gal is the secretary…. And most of my friends happen to be guys as well. The gals in my orbit tend to want something specific from me (training, advisement, connections) and leave my orbit once they have what they want.
So… if he was planning to be part of my life he had to be aware of that and be strong enough not to be jealous, anxious, etc.
Tbh, most guys don’t have the balls to handle that, though they’re ok with having female friends and entourage, expecting their gal not to be jealous….
The key here is to find someone you trust and for both of you to be brutally direct with each other so there’s no confusion about your commitment to each other.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

"... Also he always calls her late at night. She said thats the only time he's free but still.. no they've never had sex or anything "

I don't want destroy your ideal world but I pretty sure she knows he wants to bang her and she will use it against you sooner or later. If I was you I would mentally prepare myself to dump her. I would call it playing hard and I wouldn't do that with someone I respect as partner. Of course when you start an escalation she will play the "it's just a friend" card, but you have to remain consequent, you won't get time back you waste with her.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Alright, let's spice this up! 😉 Trust in the relationship is key, and it sounds like you've got a solid base there. It's normal to feel a bit uneasy when your partner has close friends of the opposite gender. 🌟 Remember, your girlfriend chose you, and she's been transparent about this friendship.

Maybe you can set some boundaries to make yourself more comfortable – like reasonable call times. Communication is your best friend here. Talk it over with her and keep it positive. And hey, if this guy has been a friend for years without any shenanigans, he's probably not waiting in the wings. Chill, have faith, and maybe befriend him too! 😄

Simslover92 · Answer

After my experience, I don't trust guys and girls being just friends unless one is not attracted to the other which means diddly squat apparently these days. My ex ended up being with his best friend since high school shortly after me. Not saying it is the case for you and it's more than likely probably not, but I would proceed with caution. If you're not able to trust the situation, then get out. I will never trust another "girl/guy friendship" again.

HollyK21 · Answer

If you don’t trust her or her friend (and it sounds like you don’t), then be honest with yourself about that and leave her alone. This will keep being an issue because you’re insecure, and once that reaches a peak you’re going to try asking her to cut him off and she’s not going to pick you. Why? Because her friend isn’t the one giving her ultimatums, he was in her life prior to you and on top of that currently poses as no threat.

AviatorTom · Answer

Do you have female friends? If not, get one and discover how males and females can be friends.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

Nope, Considering how many cheating stories start "don't worry he is just a friend" until they aren't, you do not need to get over it. While those types of friendships can happen, unfortunately the truth is there is a higher than average chance something will happen if it hasn't already. In most cases the spouse finds out that friend was a previous sex partner either in a relationship or a friends with benefits situation.

Personally, I would simple explain we look at relationships differently, I would wish her the best and just move on. If he feels comfortable enough calling late at night and i would bet there is more going on you do not know about. I won't ever tell anyone who they can or cannot be friends with but I have a choice if their choice makes them a compatible partner or not.

I have women i consider friends but i keep them at arms length away. While in a social setting i treat them no different, i do not have private conversations especially late at night out of respect for my partner or their partner. There are boundaries that just shouldn't be crossed.

Purpleronnie · Answer

You can only go with your gut on this , nobody on here has any skin in the game. What you do doesn’t have to be the “right” thing to do but it has to be “right” for you.

I had a relationship that started this way and ended up with criminal charges being brought against the “other guy” so I can’t help but be a little triggered or mindful of that and perhaps it taints how I’ve responded.

I would NOT be ok with another guy calling my girlfriend at 1am , furthermore I would NOT be accepting of any woman who thinks I should be ok with that.

I don’t care who that offends or if it isn’t acceptable or casts aspersions on my insecurities or otherwise I just don’t accept that I’d have to endure that. No threats , no ultimatums , no arguements , but sorry that’s NOT for me.

aaron13547 · Answer

My ex use to always think i would cheat on her. I never did. I found out she was the one that cheated on me. Her excuse was she thought I was already doing it to. Be the girlfriend that give your partner so much love trust and respect they wouldn't cheat on you because how good you are to them. A problem is only a problem when you make it a problem a lot of the time. Feed the relationship with love and respect that's the only for sure to keep your girlfriend your girlfriend yours not someone else's. I believe in making people want do the right thing. When I was accused of cheating I should have gave her love instead of arguing and she would have been less likely to find someone else. Everything happens for a reason it's our job to make it a good reason or a bad one...

HighValue · Answer

1. Don't fall for the manipulation from women that claim "you're insecure" if you don't like her being alone with single men. That is just manipulation to pressure men into accepting immoral, disloyal behavior from women.

2. A full third (possibly more) of paternity tests come back negative. MANY women cheat with "friends" or random people and their female friends OFTEN know about it and help them hide it because MOST women are immoral people.

3. Hanging out with an opposite gender person one on one is inappropriate when in a relationship.

Ask this, does he pay her way when they go somewhere? Do they hang out one on one and you are not invited? Does she dress provocatively for pictures to post online, or when going out with friends? Any of those = cheating.

Miristheiss · Answer

Yes.

She is NOT the one. There are 4 BILLION women on the planet. YOU have low standards if this is the situation you choose to put yourself in. Why did you make her your girlfriend and commit when she is hanging out alone regularly (I am assuming this occurs?) with some other man.

Who brought up being exclusive? You or her? You should have never committed to her under these circumstances and if she brought it up you should have told her point blank "I don't get serious with women who keep close male contacts or exes around".

Leave. Or tell her you cannot be with her under these circumstances. Are you going to marry her with this orbiter still clinging to her life?

itslunaaa · Answer

Personally, I think it's fine. It makes sense that it seems a little questionable, but most girls that I know are trying to enter a relationship with a guy will cut off their friendship if it amounts to nothing and won't wait around for too long, so just the fact that they've been friends for years can probably prove that their friendship is platonic. I don't know if my experience would help, but I have a straight male best friend as well, and we wouldn't have become close at all if we had feelings for each other early on. He does call me late at night sometimes too, but he calls to vent his emotions, and sometimes it can be more comforting when speaking to a more emotionally close friend (which I would assume is your girlfriend). So in conclusion, I don't believe this would be a problem, unless some clear signs pop up later on.

Account · Answer

Why? If they have been friends for many many years and nothing has happened between them (not even once), it means that there is no attraction there. I would definitely understand your concern about a new person they met or an acquaintance, but about a long time friendship, no.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Threats of bodily harm tend to go a long way

My ex had a dude lurking during our time together

We’ve been broken up for years and she’s with someone else but he is still owed a beating just for stepping on my territory when he did

It’s not jealousy.
It’s called boundaries
And nothing is sexier than protecting your own

Cormac995 · Answer

Men don't befriend woman they don't want to fuck. He's hoping he can get his turn eventually they always do. If you trust your girlfriend that's good but don't trust HIM. Late night calls are also a dead give away he wants her. I don't care what his excuse is you don't do late night calls unless you're attached emotionally. I've never done a late night call with a woman I wasn't interested in.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

As a Man in this social world you can only do is put your trust if you want to be with her.

You can only do is trust her until broken , then you are free.

There is no other way that's what it costs to love someone or trust someone..

Men always had less option in retaining a women.

It's your choice how long you want to be with her.

If it's deal breaker for you let her know as you know women are very big on listening and communication.

See how it goes

Abbycado · Answer

No you don’t trust her or this wouldn’t be an issue. You just want to convince yourself you do.

AnonAndrew · Answer

Get over it or break up with her. Up to you which path you want to take.

Amy2004 · Answer

If they were friends before I would say it’s ok, but there should be less talking on the phone since you don’t want them to potentially gain feelings for each other by accident.

SamWinchester058 · Answer

Lol nope nope. That's a recipe for a cheesy lifetime movie in which you get kicked to the curb for being "insecure, jealous, controlling, and not man enough". Most men have thought about getting with their girls that are friends. There will always be that temptation between them for the relationship to be something more. You're just in denial and so are most other men. Also, I guarantee it would be a problem if the roles were reversed.

spartan55 · Answer

'they've never had sex or anything'...🙄 Bro, you don't know that. Have you met the guy? Is your girlfriend wanting you two to meet? If not something is up and proceed from there.

slatyb · Answer

He calls her late at night? How often? Is she making him a priority ahead of you? It sounds like you've told her this makes you uncomfortable. How did she respond?

Sirenboobzilla · Answer

I want to start off by loving that fact that you've talked to her about it already and, from the sounds of it, didn't have a negative outcome.  Short version

Nikki1989 · Answer

Yes, grow up.  You are obviously not mature enough to be in a serious relationship.

Staximus · Answer

The guy should be calling at a normal time, not 1am. That's when you call your girlfriend to say goodnight. Besides that, she should have enough consideration and respect for you to not go hang out with the guy when it's just the two of them.

Sultanaa · Answer

You can take a female best friend (not for real, but as a fake friend), She will definitely come to the actual point.

exitseven · Answer

You need to trust her. Unless she is doing something that just does not pass the smell test try to let it go. Everyone needs friends

chrissykerdock · Answer

offer him a blowjob that should melt the ice it did for me

afnan169 · Answer

Use microphone to listen what they are talking at night

In_Trance · Answer

This is never going to change you need to go your separate ways

qwerty2469 · Answer

Get a better girlfriend. You will always be a cuck with the one you got

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's not a problem, the key is in good communication.

robocop666 · Answer

hire a private investigator. this is their job and speciality.

Anonymous · Answer

Unless he’s ever flirted with her in the past , I highly doubt it’s anything to worry about.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

ask her why she thinks she needs one

blackeagle007 · Answer

Are her friends mostly guys?

seeyounexttuesday · Answer

Did Biz Markie teach you nothing?

dustybiker2 · Answer

Trust is powerful.

fonduegirl · Answer

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My girlfriend has a male best friend and it's hard for me to get over that. Any tips?

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How do I get over my girlfriend's guy best friend?

My girlfriend has a male best friend and it's hard for me to get over that. Any tips?

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How do I get over my girlfriend's guy best friend?

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