Relationships

Partner hid me from his ex and now wants to marry me?

My partner and I have argued about commitment issues a lot. He’s never wanted marriage because he has more wealth than me. He’s always wanted children. I recently chose him over the idea of marriage but intuition still felt off.

I wrongly looked at his phone. I found texts between him and a female throughout our entire relationship (and before it). She’d sent “I love you”, “I wish you’d chosen me to have your babies”, “we had so many good times together, I miss you”. He wouldn’t reply to those messages, except “erggghh” but he would say “I miss you too”. Early on in our relationship, he messaged her “I’m in the tub” and she said “can I join you?” - he put “come”. Sometimes he’d have about 10 missed calls from her.

He hadn’t once mentioned me. They’d exchange pictures. She has kids and sent photos of them plus pictures of her and him together in the past. She’d send photos of herself posing. He’d send photos of the house build. It was only the last 3 weeks she asked if he had a girlfriend and he said yes. By this time they’d agreed to meet up when she was visiting the UK. She asked him if I’d be annoyed because she’d be just there wanting him. He said I wouldn’t like it but they’d work something out in terms meeting up.

I confronted him and he said she’s a friend first and foremost. They were close 10 years ago while they worked abroad but were never in “a relationship”. He said he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d get upset. They were only going to meet for a coffee. I said it’s over. He also said she knew about me because he talked about me on phone calls?

Now, he wants to marry me (with a prenup). He said he’ll cut her out of his life as he knows it was wrong to get the ego boost. He knows he shouldn’t have been secretive and that he wanted his cake and to eat it. He takes full accountability (except that I was in the wrong for invading his privacy). He wants to go to couples counselling. Can people really change?

Partner hid me from his ex and now wants to marry me?
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