My boyfriend stalking someone else but wants to marry me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend asked me if I want to get married. I know from friends that there is another girl he met years ago before he even knew me but didn‘t stand a chance with. He wrote multiple Songs about her back then but told me it is someone he already forgot about. He always wants to go to certain places, now I found out that she lives in this area and I think it’s because of her. She walked past us a few times and every time he couldn‘t stop staring at her. Should I break things off because I really love him and want to get married but I feel like I am not his first choice.

[Anonymous]

This is a huge red flag. I would say either call it quits with this guy or ask him to move to a different place after the wedding so that he isn't constantly in her thoughts.

This reminds me of a very similar situation, you might want to hear me out on this one before you decide on what to do.

Ever since I glanced over at this 20yo guy from across the room when I was 16, he began taking interest in me. And no it wasn't just interest but he practically began stalking me for the next 7 years. At the start it wasn't as bad, he'd just glance at me every now and then, so I tried approaching him to take this somewhere, but he wouldn't respond because his orthodox family wouldn't approve.

However, he then began standing afar and would either watch me (not stare but watch) or he'd hide behind the door and watch from there. At one point I began to feel quite upset over this and I began to avoid him (I pretty much haven't seen him since, and it's been close to 3 years now). Anyway, a year after that, his family arranged his alliance with someone else, a year after which he got engaged to her and he will be getting married to her soon.

But the story doesn't end there. I thought that after he was engaged to someone, he'd stop, especially because he hadn't seen me in close to 3 years. But after his engagement, he'd upload his engagement pictures on social media, made all the pictures public and then used something more advanced to specifically make sure that I won't find out about it. So literally the whole world can see that he's in a relationship except me. The fact that he used something advanced to achieve this kinda freaked me out, I later further found out that he still monitors my socials. This is fixation is extremely unhealthy for everyone involved.

He is getting married soon, but yes he still stalks me, it's been 9 years now.

I began questioning myself a lot because of this, I have never heard of anyone go through something similar before I read your post.

From what I have learnt it is that if someone has feelings for someone else, accepts it and now treats it as a memory, that is different. But from what you are describing, I would say either drop it or move to a different place with him, don't let this take away your happiness.

Unless you really love him despite all these red flags, think about whether you'd want to lead your life constantly worrying about this. He is making it difficult for all three of you.

[Asker]

Did he ever try to reach out to you directly?

[Opinion Owner]

He's actually from this really orthodox family, so they aren't allowed to find their own partner or even take interest in another person who is not amongst their family's choice. So he didn't want a relationship with me, he just wanted to live in the thought that I loved him back- I did, but in my early 20s I realised how unhealthy this fixation actually was.

So no, for the most part he did not attempt to communicate with me, he just wanted me to be there to feed the fuel.

[Avicenna]

You need to ask him why he stared at her and why he wants to live where he does. He needs to reassure you, and if he can't you might need to rethink marrying him.

[Guy13]

Your boyfriend has proposed marriage to you? Was this before or after the stalking incident? When is your wedding date?

[atiquahbby]

I think he proposed marriage to her and is at the same time stalking another girl. i. e the stalking is continuing

[Guy13]

@atiquahbby how frightening he is. Stay far away. Still trying to control through stalking.

[atiquahbby]

Hey do you mind giving me some thought on this situation?

Ever since I glanced over at this 20yo guy from across the room when I was 16, he began taking interest in me. And no it wasn't just interest but he practically began stalking me for the next 7 years. At the start it wasn't as bad, he'd just glance at me every now and then, so I tried approaching him to take this somewhere, but he wouldn't respond because his orthodox family wouldn't approve.

However, he then began standing afar and would either watch me (not stare but watch) or he'd hide behind the door and watch from there. At one point I began to feel quite upset over this and I began to avoid him (I pretty much haven't seen him since, and it's been close to 3 years now). Anyway, a year after that, his family arranged his alliance with someone else, a year after which he got engaged to her and he will be getting married to her soon.

But the story doesn't end there. I thought that after he was engaged to someone, he'd stop, especially because he hadn't seen me in close to 3 years. But after his engagement, he'd upload his engagement pictures on social media, made all the pictures public and then used something more advanced to specifically make sure that I won't find out about it. So literally the whole world can see that he's in a relationship except me. The fact that he used something advanced to achieve this kinda freaked me out, I later further found out that he still monitors my socials.

He is getting married soon, but yes he still stalks me, it's been 9 years now.

[Guy13]

@atiquahbby Crazy Crazy Crazy... Police Report?

[atiquahbby]

Hey thanks for the response, but I don't have any evidence as he'd watch me from a distance so it's not something I could get evidence for. The whole hiding the pictures thing is also a technology related thing, besides he's hiding his own photos from 'his' account so even though he used something more advanced to achieve this, there's no real evidence as to him tampering with 'my' account, so I can't do anything about it.

I ended up getting quite paranoid about this, I felt lost.

[Guy13]

@atiquahbby Disconnect fully from him as you keep inviting trouble by maintaining any activity on any of his things or allowing him access to you. Block it if you do not recognize it as spam is spam whether calls or Social Media...

[atiquahbby]

Thanks for the advice, yes I did that. I am learning to just concentrate on other things now :)

[Anonymous]

hate to break it to ya toots but the douchebag still has feelings for her

[likelyOK]

Don’t marry him!!! 🚩