How common is it that you'll cheat back?

[Noredcarpet]

In my relationship my partner has been through some incidents he feared I would consider cheating and the way he handled them, out of fear, caused a trust issue, not the incidents themselves. He said he feared I was going to leave him or I was going to cheat but still remain in the relationship, as I was not leaving his fear then grew that I was going to cheat, that I had a form of right to cheat, thoughts, feelings about this got difficult for him to handle over time. I would not cheat "back", if anything I would leave if I thought that and to me these incidents were handled somewhat too late then it needed to be, but still handled the right way, finally, and in our past, I then just let them go, but his fear remained.

My question is how common is it that previous fairhful partners cheats themselves instead of just the options 1. Trying to work it out 2. Leaves?

Updates

7 mo

I think my partner has placed a fear, a trait in me from his previous experiences, but then again, Im not commenting on his Ex now, but in general terms he's had his play period and he too has been played on. He said his jealousy of his past girlfriend was not existing and he could for some reason allow more, but as soon as it came to me his jealousy hit the roof at any imaginary threat, he wasn't ready for. They say he let me in more, the higher the risk, the jealousy.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think that most people who are faithful partners remain faithful because of an inherent sense of right and wrong, and because they want to maintain some self-respect. I would certainly not cheat as a form of revenge, and I think many people feel the same as I do.

[Noredcarpet]

Yeah that is what surprised me too that he would think that of me. My dad cheated on my mom, but the way my mom was she would not cheat back, she tried to come with terms with it, but found out she couldn't and left, I told her it was the right thing to do , I did not want her to suffer. She carried the weight on how it would effect me, but as far as I was concerned our old good life, my old good dad were already gone and I never liked it much their reconsiliaton, I preferred them apart, mostly for her sake. All her life she's always been faitful, very, very few partners.

[OlderAndWiser]

I had a similar experience with my parents and I vowed to NEVER be like that. I've been cheated on twice (that I know of) but have not cheated once in 55 years of dating, relationships, and marriage.

[Noredcarpet]

Im sorry you've had that experience, and bern cheating on on top of that. Great you have the backbone you have :)

[dougeats]

never, I would drop her like a bad habit though

[Paige90]

I think it will only cause more problems

[beenherebefore]

Not common. I never cheated.

[AI Opinion]

Love is an adventure with ups, downs, zig-zags, and some free-fall moments like this one! Cheating "back" isn't the sanctified path for most; we’re more like to attempt mending the trust hiccup or saying our graceful goodbyes. Dealing with fear of being cheated on or left can twist perceptions. It’s key to understand each other's fears and nurture trust. Address those wrinkles in your relationship suit and try to iron them out! Stay transparent, communicate more, and sprinkle in a bit of love magic! ✨❤️

[Plugs]

How did he handle them?

[Noredcarpet]

He was not straight forward of what had happened. He chose to say nothing. Redirect me, our social life in hope I would not find out. I would feel something was off when I was introduced to a group of people in his life as if I played a part in this movie where they knew what part I had, all but me. When someone said something I did not understand where it was coming from he again said nothing. It would build up within him to him letting that someone know a thing or two. When he snap he snap. There were other stuff too, stuff I could tell was about to happen that he got defensive about, to much later admit I had been right about. Sometimes in life I can tell where things are going but others don't see it just yet, but they will. He would get overly defensive or go mute as I was closing in on something. He wouldn't be the same. I have not only taken his version of the incidents that happened in consideration, I've taken others too, to come to the same old conclusion that he made life more complicated than it needed to be, and had he only told me the truth straight away I would first get suspiscious, yes, but I would come to the same conclusion after that. It would take shorter amount of time, energy. He would have suffered less for shorter amount of time. It is after all ridiculous to go through all that when in the end he did not even cheat :)

[Plugs]

I did not understand a word u said. Kindly provide context

[Plugs]

Did he cheat? Physically or emotionally on u? Both are bad

[Noredcarpet]

Im sorry about that, lol, lets just put it this way he showed what are typical stress signs (getting defensive, snap, mute) and our surrounding was acting strange as well (the ones who knew what had happened) I know what it is like to be trying to converse with a partner who is jealous and you are innocent, I know it causes stress. I was told I had a valid trust issue, but it was not combined with being jealous, which some suffer from.

[Noredcarpet]

All and all a big no to that, he did not cheat, these few girls were coming after him, different periods. I would say he was not physically or emotionally cheating, in two cases he was naive as I told him watch out because she's got the hots for you and she's about to do something about it, if she hasn't already, when he got defensive, again. He has always acted as if he is suddenly teamed up with the girl, instead of me, which was one of the reasons I withdrew myself from him. I withdraw and then I'll leave one day, that is how I work when I'm not feeling a unit strong enough with my partner, Im hurt about it, then get angry, then I leave. I have a history where I do leave, but got good reasons for it, and my partner had this fear I would leave, but he still would not do something about his attitude. We have worked it through and communicate better, but we still have some left before we both are home and safe, Im keeping my fingers crossed. We love each other, of cource :)

[Plugs]

lol sounds like cheating to me

[Plugs]

He clearly cheated

[Plugs]

And was manipulating u from finding out

[Noredcarpet]

Thanks for looking out for me, but no he did not, but was afraid what it would look like, I would not still be in the relationship had I not fully come to the conclusion he had not, believe me I did my homework, turning every stone. Yes, I fully agree with you that him hiding it the way he did was manipulative. My younger self would have been out at that alone. But I have promised with help of therapy to get breakthroughs for us to better communicate and he has dropped his old style of being defensive, silent, so on. I can't get into it any more than that :)

[wkhan_87]

Cheating back is not necessary.