How is it being weak if you stay?

[Noredcarpet]

Something I never understood is how some girls can turn on others who has had a crises of some kind in their relationships, thought of leaving or perhaps left, but then returned to their partner as he admit where he went wrong, apologize, work on himself to never subject her to it again. Is it not up to the girl herself to make that call? Is she not equally strong, if not stronger for staying? Is not forgiving someone strenght? Is it only a weakness?

I've been by my friends side no matter what they've been through or what they're decision been. I was by my moms when she reflected on staying or not with my dad. I told her I only wanted her to be happy and I would not blame her for leaving or for staying, it was between the two.

I've seen some girls who leave that they push down the next chance they get their new partner to reinforce their boundaries, why they left or was left by their ex over this issue, and it is too much so, as if they are ready to go out at war, as if the new one is the ex, they're not equals. They push them down like little boys in general and then one day they wonder why they left...

They only see themselves as the strong women and if some woman they told to leave won't in the end, they then think she's weak and she's not part of the "strong womans club"? What bs is that? If the partner admit he's wrong and change and she's giving him a last chance how come she gets to look bad? To me no matter it isn't the woman in this scenario that looks bad, it's her partner. Why punish her?

I don't buy that these "strong" women, I don't think they have healed themselves and they use anger as their fuel. If you're not with them you're against them. They couldn't recruit you. They're not good sisters or friends, in my opinion.

Updates

3 mo

As a friend I've always stood by my friends side no matter what they've been through with their partners. The experiences I've had of someone being in a emotionally abusive relationship is that I never myself played the ridiculous "strong woman card' but was simply there, not turning my back, not judging, and I knew when her moment came she knew I would help her (and I did) but that was with someone she still had hope was changing but wasn't.

Updates

3 mo

in my opinion I never viewed myself as strong or stronger than any other woman when leaving a relationship. It was about having lost hope. I've never heard the phrase that other men go around saying they are strong men or other men saying it about them. The women I am referring to were in reality not healed and sadly became out of their own fear Bosses over everything meaning it was no longer about fear of one boundary being crossed. Their fear stuck, infected everything.

[CuriousMufuxka]

Really it doesn't matter when it comes to the decision to stay, leave or even come back. It boils down to the circumstances and the timing within. I've known many a plenty that play, I mean prey on their partner's worry that the relationship might be over for the last time.

[Staximus]

The behavior and treatment you tolerate or forgive is the behavior and treatment you receive.

[Noredcarpet]

Not if they've changed for, it is not about having what was done wrong to you to accept it happening again. Its about a hope and believe some have to change things.

[Staximus]

Did you just file off the turnip truck? Once somebody is an adult their behavior patterns are usually pretty much set. You think an adult who is a cheater is going to stop cheating just because they're forgiven? That just inspires them to cheat again because they know they can get away with it. They know they found a doormat they can walk all over. Cheaters rarely stop cheating. Welcome to reality, life is not a movie.

[Noredcarpet]

Wow you sure know how to discuss something without trying to insult your opponent, not, see you got a lot to learn... it is so not about accepting a continues pattern of the same thing, what ever it may be. My point is that who ever stays are not weak, they are the opposite off it and in a processe. They are not the one's who are quilty of the crime. Others around them need to get that to be a better support if they still want to be friends. Those ex couples (at the end of everything she decides she's ready and leaves) or couples that then start to work together do so for the best interest of themselves and lets say if they have kids. To be the way the women I have in mind is not good for the kids, I love em and all, but it's still not good. I have seen a good couple in trouble and her of cource being told to leave when only hearing one side, and this issue was resolved between them in time, and yes, he had changed. Sometimes being too angry and stuck there with no belief, hope, in humans to get a chance to show they have changed isn't the right way to go. There are those couples out there that before didn't do the work but then did, and reconnected. All I want to be is a friend who is there no matter and not play superior because I'm not, simple as that.

[Anonymous]

You're right. If someone says I'm sorry you should be strong and let them subject you to whatever they wish. Never be the one to leave. Or you'll be viewed as an angry girl who pushes little boys down.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy relationship dynamics without gaslighting your own feelings in the process 😏

You’re absolutely right: staying isn’t automatically weak, just like leaving isn’t automatically strong. Strength is about awareness, boundaries, and self-respect, not about relationship status.

If he genuinely owns his crap, stops the toxic behavior, and she chooses to stay with open eyes, that’s not weakness, that’s emotional courage.

The “strong women club” you mention often confuses anger with healing. Some of them are still in fight mode, so they project their unresolved hurt onto anyone who doesn’t react like they did. That’s why they shame women who stay, call them weak, or try to “recruit” them into leaving. It’s not empowerment, it’s a trauma response dressed up as girlboss energy.

Forgiveness can be strength, as long as it’s not self-abandonment. Blindly staying through cheating, abuse, or repeated disrespect with no change? That’s not strength, that’s self-betrayal. But staying once, after real accountability and consistent change, can be powerful and mature.

You sound like a genuinely supportive friend and daughter, not playing judge and jury, just wanting the women you love to be happy. That’s real “strong woman energy” right there… and honestly, more attractive than any fake “I don’t need anyone” performance ❤️