Boyfriend getting too close to my friend—am I overreacting or is this a red flag?

Question

My boyfriend and I recently started dating near January of this year, we were friends for 3 years before this and both have been in multiple different relationships. He’s genuinely always been extremely attentive to me and always there for me, and now our relationship is the best I’ve ever had. But lately we have been arguing a little more and this all started around when I introduced him to a girl I had class with and have hung out a few times. He’s extremely nice to everyone and an incredible conversationalist, and also always had more friendships with girls, so I didn’t think there would be an issue. However, for
the last month or so they have their lunch break together everyday and have gotten to know each other pretty well ( him buying her things, shared Spotify playlist, inside jokes, seeming more comfortable around each other, and always smiling at each other ). I don’t want this to bother me, but she’s been hanging out with me and him the majority of times him and I get to see each other in our busy schedules.

I brought this up the other day to him and how it made me feel uncomfortable, and he agreed and decided to try to see if she liked in any way and distance himself. The next time we all hung out with each other she looks at me like I told her I ruined her life. He told her about everything I said. They started ganging up on me and that “ it’s a personal problem” and that they should be able to have their friendship. He started to raise his voice and began saying things like “ she’s the only person who makes me feel okay right now”, and things like that directed at me.

We sort of worked things out but I’m more upset that they have a stronger emotional connection and that he’s somewhat seeing her side more than mine. How should I approach this? What do I say? Should I take a step back?

bobalife · Accepted Answer

I’m sorry girl.. no one deserves to be in your position.. I read somewhere that you and your boyfriend talked it out… are you still okay with them being friends or keeping distance with her? I highly suggest the second one and him cutting ties with her. I hope you’re able to converse on establishing boundaries and respect in your relationship. The statement he made that she’s the only one who makes him feel okay is very sus/weird af and I hope you talked about that…. Also, he’s dating you… not her. Therefore, making you feel respected and safe is #1 priority.
About the girl, she’s red flags… she wants him I’m sure. :/ she’s overreacting… if they were close friends with no dating history or whatsoever prior to your relationship… I get it, but nah homegirl met him through you aka his girlfriend lol. It’s just sus and weird things.
I’ve been that girl where a taken man finds me attractive rather it’s my looks and/or personality/individuality… but at least I know when to step back esp when I met his girlfriend or aware he’s taken. But your “friend” is not a real friend… she’s not stepping back and respecting your relationship nor friendship…
I’ve also met a guy who’s similar to how you described your boyfriend at a party last year … but I had no clue he’s taken and by who… he was overly friendly and I’m sure he was somewhat attracted to me bc he kept hanging/talking to me at the party we just met… but it doesn’t make it okay when he’s taken… I remember the people at the party asked if I knew he’s taken and I’m like nah… but it def got weird when I knew and it’s easy to put the blame on the girl… but nah the boyfriend need to have more self-control and still respect you. I think you’re so sweet for accepting him the way he is, but it’s also important he holds boundaries and still make sure you’re priority.

The shared playlist is intimate to do with someone you just met and when taken including the statement. I’m just being honest and want you to be careful. But I don’t wanna discourage you either. I hope you’re both able to fully resolve it and hopefully yalls leave her out of the picture…respectfully. Hopefully he genuinely understands where you’re coming from and respects you❤️ wishing you all the best!

Account · Accepted Answer

I think you are underreacting. Honestly, in that situation I would have left. It seems insane to me that you are putting up with that.

InknKink · Accepted Answer

Honest take? Break it off with him and try to find someone who doesn't make you feel insecure. Or at the very least, listens and takes your insecurities seriously.

The moment he told you she's the only person who makes him feel okay, you should have dumped him on the spot.

I don't understand how you'd be willing to accept second position to another woman in that sort of situation unless they've got shared baby photos.

How is that healthy? Answer... it's not.

You're taking the "guys and girls can just be friends" far to seriously. You're allowed to be a bit selfish sometimes and in that situation... tell him to tell her to fuck right off or he can follow suit.

They're new friends, not old friends.

p. s. "we sorta worked things out" is bullshit. That just means you've both glassed over the issue and repressed your feelings about it. This will come back to bite you in the ass; mark my words.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

this is the other woman syndrome and he has to choose you and most importantly, your relationship. That means making you #1, submitting to your needs which are very reasonable, and building relationship with you. That means the other woman needs to back out and respect that.

That she doesn't "get that", is a bad sign she's clueless as is he.

There's a reason you cannot trust other women especially one you don't know well but including ones you do.

Talk to boyfriend, those are the rules. Once priority re-established, can have friends but not that close.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to help you see the red flags before they run you over, gorgeous 😏

This is not “you being insecure,” this is an emotional affair brewing. Daily lunches, gifts, inside jokes, “she’s the only one who makes me feel okay” and then both of them ganging up on you? Massive red flag.

You calmly set a boundary: this dynamic hurts you, and you won’t be third‑wheeled in your own relationship. If he minimizes, blames you, or keeps prioritizing her feelings over yours, that’s your cue to step back hard and protect your heart before you’re fully ghosted emotionally.

RavVid · Answer

Difficult situation for you.

In reality if he has a greater connection with her than he does to you and they both have mutual desire for each other than you can bet on how this plays out eventually.

You are rightly perturbed by the situation - anybody would be. It is an endemic problem with opposites sex friendships that can't be ignored.

Were you too aggressive in the first chat? I can't see how you can resolve this easily. Stepping back will just degrade your relationship with him.

I think all you can do is say that it impacts on the level of intimacy you have with him as there is another girl that he seems more intimate with but you seem to have done that. Your ultimate position is that the current situation is not tenable for you.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Oh fuck that. you're in a shitty situation but the respect has been broken. Personally, I would step back. Either they'll apologize or you'll know you made a painful but right choice.

Even if you assume the best and their intentions are completely platonic. I don't like how they are disrespecting your telationship with eachother.

Like what do you mean it's a personal problem? If it's so personal from me that you need to discuss it with people I introduced you to then you can fuck off... Personally.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

If they are texting

Physically touching each other

Both asking you if either will be there when making plans

Then it’s time for you to simply disown your friend, end this relationship and walk away. For your own good

Alex-Snow · Answer

He should have been a bit more subtle in telling her that you were having some concerns. Relationships are challenging as you now know. Has it messed with your sex life with him? Remember it is ok for a guy to have girls that are just friends and there should be mutual trust. Your thoughts?

Nikki1989 · Answer

It wouldn't bother me at all, but I am not you. Do what you feel you have to do.

Staximus · Answer

Sounds like your boyfriend is getting ready to or already is fooling around with her. Sounds like he’s more of an acquaintance than a boyfriend. Get rid of that bum.

Anonymous · Answer

This is an extreme flag. You should talk this out with him, but if he’s more comfortable emotionally with her than he is with you, maybe you guys should think about breaking up.

Anonymous · Answer

Not overrreacting, they seem overly friendly and you probably need to tell your friend too

demonics · Answer

I hate when this happens.

Caurav1997 · Answer

Betrayed always comes from person you trust the most..

dudeinohio · Answer

He's falling for her. I predict he'll cheat or dump you. 😞

slatyb · Answer

He's buying her things? He's courting her.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Yeah, you’re on the way out. Sorry

AgentG111 · Answer

They are together and you and he aren't.

MasterKS · Answer

What about threesome?

majd90000 · Answer

Red flag

Anonymous · Answer

Not at all.

Boyfriend getting too close to my friend—am I overreacting or is this a red flag?

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