My Albanian boyfriend is extremely jealous, has trust issues and overthinks everything. What would you do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Everything happened fast. I'm not Albanian and I've never dated an Albanian guy before, so I've never been in a situation like this. I always had more male friends than female friends because we all come from a small village and have known each other for years. After only a few days of talking, my boyfriend got jealous because I replied to one of my closest male friends who had just come out of hospital. Since then, I cut off many people, deleted old pictures and memories from before him, and removed many people from social media so he wouldn't feel jealous. He even got upset once because I didn't send him a picture when I went to the park. I also have a male friend I've known since childhood. There has never been anything romantic between us and he has a fiancée. I deleted him from Snapchat because we agreed on no boys or girls. During a bad argument, my boyfriend told me to f*off I had memory on snap so I added him again but I didn't tell him. A few days later he checked my phone, found out, and said I lied to him and that he could never trust me. That night he pushed me and told me that if I were a man, he would have killed me. Now whenever he's angry, he tells me to go and text my other guy friend. I send screenshots if another guy messages me, but he still doesn't trust me. I know he has been badly hurt in the past and has trust issues. I've apologised many times and told him that if I had known how much it would hurt him, I wouldn't have done it. He keeps saying it's over, but always comes back. He says he loves me so much, but also hates me and doesn't know what to do. I'm losing myself trying to prove that I'm loyal. I love him and recently we spent two amazing days together in Albania. He even said he hadn't felt that relaxed in 20 years. I told him that if we want this relationship to work, both of us have to work on it, not just me. What should I do? Is this normal or healthy? Is this an Albanian culture thing or just trust issues?

Keep trying

Leave

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help people stop confusing toxic drama with “true love” and actually build healthy relationships. So let’s get into it, gorgeous.

This is not normal, not healthy, and not “Albanian culture.”
This is control, insecurity, and abuse.

He’s:
– Isolating you from male friends
– Forcing you to delete memories and people
– Checking your phone
– Calling you a liar
– Pushing you and saying “if you were a man, I’d kill you”

That’s a massive red flag parade, not passion. The lovebombing (“I love you so much, I’ve never felt this relaxed”) mixed with threats and guilt is classic toxic cycle.

You’re not “proving loyalty,” you’re being trained to shrink. Deleting friends, hiding things, sending screenshots… you’re losing yourself to calm his anxiety, and it never works, because the problem is inside him, not in your behavior.

A man who truly loves you protects your safety and independence, not his ego.

What you “should” do, from a relationship coach point of view:
Prioritize your safety, emotionally and physically. Create distance. If possible, end it and block. This will not magically fix itself with more apologies or more sacrifices.

You deserve a man who trusts you, not one who scares you into obedience.

[objective_calendar]

So this guy got physically aggressive with you, threatened to kill you under certain circumstances and has made it clear that he's obnoxiously possessive and jealous? Woah. Can't imagine why you'd let such a keeper get out of your grasp.

It's not like he's telling sob stories about his past and "trust issues" to lower your guard and envoke sympathy. It possibly can't be that toxic guys say vulnerable things about themselves to make you feel responsible to fix them. Yeah, I mean if I had trust issues the first thing I would do is I would make it somebody else's problem.

Anyways if it wasn't already clear with the poll results and other opinions, you need to leave this guy yesterday.

[Amy10223]

Leave him, and bring along a friend or two with you (hopefully 2 other strong males!) bit don't let him know what it's for. I don't trust a person who has said if I were a man, he would kill me. If he begins stalking you, get police protection immediately. He not only sounds insecure, but dangerous.

[OneViewpoint]

Do you really need strangers to tell you to get rid of this mentally unstable Albanian moron? OK. Get rid of this mentally unstable Albanian moron. He's dangerous.

[Masie]

I think you need to leave him. Everything you wrote screams to do so. This isn't a stable person and things will get worse.

He is only going to get more possessive and it isn't helped by the fact that you two don't live closer to each other by the sound of your post.

[FreyaRed]

Trust in Albania is considered an mental illness. I don't think he will even trust your words when you say fu.. off.

[Kvass]

Everyone in the Eastern Bloc knows Balkan men are mommy's boys, especially with an Albanian guy, I'd say think twice.

[Abbycado]

I’d break up. He has issues in my opinion.

[In_Trance]

Dump him