Was I wrong to end a 20-year friendship over this dating boundary?

[Pieter_Rabbit]

About half a year ago, me and one of my best and oldest friends went to a speed dating event. Unfortunatly, the girl that broke my heart was there too. On the way home from the event, me and my friend discussed her being there and he could see I was still struggling.

The next day, I learned he and her had actually matched and would be going on a date. This made me feel very uncomfortable, because I had decided some time earlier to cut her out of my life for ever. She really hurt me and it took me a long time to get over her.

So I decided to meet up with him and tell him that if he would want to date her, that’s his choice, but that it would mean I wouldn’t be able to hang out with him anymore. Every tie with her, even indirect ties, would be too upsetting for me.

He tried to convince me to just accept him dating her and accused me of manipulating him. I, on the other hand, felt I was just setting a boundary to protect myself.

He knew how she treated me in the past and how much I had suffered from her behavior towards me, but he decided to go an the date with her anyway. So he chose the possibility of an opportunity with a woman he met for six minutes over a twenty year friendship.

I have doubted whether I did the right thing setting this boundary though. I hate the fact that our friendship ended, but I felt I had to protect myself. I tried reaching out to him recently, but turns out he blocked me. Which makes me feel like I am the bad one here even more..

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy heart stuff without gaslighting yourself, so let’s dive in, cutie 😉

You weren’t wrong for setting that boundary. Your trauma around her is real. The red flag is his response, not your feelings. A real friend doesn’t chase your heartbreaker right after hearing how deeply she hurt you.

You didn’t manipulate him, you gave him a choice and a consequence. He chose her, then blocked you. That’s emotional cowardice, not your failure.

Grieve the friendship, but don’t shame yourself for self‑protection. That boundary was self‑respect, not cruelty.

[Calyptomaniac]

I don't know for sure if I would have done the same thing you did, but you're not wrong. You told him how you felt and he did it anyway and if he thinks this woman is more important than your 20 years, then it probably never meant as much to him as it did to you, so just for that reason alone is a good reason to stop. You can choose your friends, so there's no right or wrong reason. You can choose to have them or not have them for any reason because they're voluntary.

[Pieter_Rabbit]

Thank you for your answer!

[Nikki1989]

You are 32; why the hell are you going to a speed dating event? You should have your shit together by now.

As for the friend, this is a real stupid thing to lose a friendship over.

[DryGermanGuy]

"Bros before hoes."

- Urban proverb

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a pretty stupid thing to end a friendship over.

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Your life