My boyfriend won't kiss me, what is the problem?

Question

My boyfriend is good in every way except the physical side of things. He won't kiss me or touch me not even to hold hands unless I do it first or tell him to do it. When we first started going out I didn't mind so much because I knew he was shy, I thought maybe he just needed time. But now time has gone past and it's really irritating me. To the point where I feel sexually frustrated. I'm big on being affectionate so it's a big deal to me when he's not.

We ended up having a fight because I was waiting for him to kiss me, even leaned in and he didn't. So then I told him to drop me off at home and then he was like, I missed my chance to kiss you? So I pretty much said, don't worry about it, just drop me off home." We're not talking now.

What should I do? I've never dealt with something like this in any of my past r/ships/

heatherlu · Accepted Answer

Maybe you're a bad kisser. I dated a guy once and I liked everything about him. His personality. His sense of humor.

But he was just not a great kisser. It sucked but - eh. That's the way things are some times.

Maybe he's just the kind of person who takes things slow.

Maybe he doesn't know how you'll respond. Like with you taking all the initiative, maybe he thinks that the only time you want to be kissed is when you initiate it. And other times you'll be less receptive. And he's just being too polite about the whole thing.

Maybe he's the kind of person who thinks there's a time and a place for kissing, touching etc.

Maybe he's just inexperienced and insecure and letting you take the lead.

There are so many possibilities. Just have a word quietly, not angry, when it's just the two of you, comfortable and intimate. Just say - I feel like it's always me who initiates anything physical between us - I can't help but think maybe you don't like it. Or maybe you're just shy about it. Reassure him, and tell him - sometimes, you'd really quite like it if he made the first move and was a bit more forward.

shi-shi · Accepted Answer

Maybe because he's so shy he has poor self confidence and worries a lot that you don't want to be kissed, or maybe he's just not too into it in general?
Have you had a proper talk with him about this, asked him why he doesn't kiss you enough? Communication is important, maybe he doesn't even know what exactly he did wrong

WeaponZero · Accepted Answer

He sounds like me...

I've dealt with this problem with my girlfriends in the past. They have a hard time dealing with the fact that it just is not natural for me to express affection through physical/sexual activities. So I gave up on trying to find a girl who would be comfortable with that and have since relegated myself to being single forever. Beats putting up with what he's putting up with from you. No offense.

Belgie · Accepted Answer

He may be a sub, and be trying to "train" you to be more dominant for him. If he gets off on being told what to do, then he will want you to tell him, order him, etc...

Either way, he's not being much of a decent guy with his current attitude. I don't think too many girls want a guy that they have to verbally take through every step of a make out session.

astutefl · Answer

Sounds like you're more experienced than him.  Just because it's something YOU want, doesn't mean it's something HE wants to do.  If he does it when you ask him to, what's the big deal?  He's probably not used to being the initiator, so cut him some slack.  It sounds like you are trying to manipulate him by the way you are acting, not talking to him, etc because he won't initiate kissing you.  He sounds like a nice guy, you don't sound too nice.  Maybe break up with him and do him a favor.  (and FYI...not being kissed does not lead to being sexually frustrated).  Sex and kissing are 2 different things.  Have you 2 been intimate yet?

GingerGuy · Answer

Have a serious talk with about about it and ask him (but don't get upset about it because it will only get him defensive). The problem is you two are just avoiding it (ie, "drop me off at home", not talking and asking him what the problem is). Short answer, lack of communication.

markscott · Answer

If he doesn't show some serious and definite signs of becoming clearly more affectionate, you need to drop him. That's because, unless he's showing that he can and is changing significantly, he may never change, and you will be stuck with a relationship where affection is lacking, and you will be very unhappy. Leave now, before it gets harder, unless you see the decided effort and actual changing.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yeah, when i first met my first girlfriend at age 28
it didn't take much for us to start kissing and holding hands
i think you need to do a double take on this relationship i know
you don't want give up on him but i think he needs to step up
and start showing his love to you. I'm very affectionate guy and
i don't know if i could handle a girl whose not as affectionate or
wouldn't want kiss me or hold my hand yes it would make me wonder.

djhohrath · Answer

do you know if he has any experience? he may not know what he's doing so he's scared he'll suck at it lol dress up like a teacher and show him how its done ;) hahahah

-Darling · Answer

"How come you never kiss me or anything unless I ask you to?" ..ask himself. Tho That's really weird, maybe he has a really low sex drive?

john5246 · Answer

are you sure he's your bf? maybe you guys are just friends

Q-tip-boy · Answer

I would want to keep things platonic before marriage

MChinesewantfriend · Answer

It's okay, here in my country. plenty of husband seldom kiss their wives. because kissing is not necessary a symbol of showing love.

sylen · Answer

well  I have a reverse situation here !

My boyfriend won't kiss me, what is the problem?

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