Insanely jealous girlfriend.

[Zimbo113]

I've dated this girl for about 16 months. She is great, fun, loving, everything I wanted except for one thing. She is INSANELY jealous. Every time I ever bother to speak to a girl, she will get mad at me. Any friends I had who are girls, she will call a 'bitch' and a 'whore'(never to their face, just to me behind their backs).

She would end up asking me to stop talking to them, and after a bit of hesitation I would because I didn't want any problems between us. I mean, I have friends in different states and even CANADA, and when they text me she immediately gets upset.

Its at the point where whenever I go out, she asks me where I went and with whom. Normally that isn't a problem, but I know she's fishing for something bad. On the off chance I went out with a group and one of them happened to include a girl, she goes ballistic. This absolutely makes no sense, because I always tell her how much I love her and I take care of her and I am INCREDIBLY loyal. I have never given her any reason to be insecure about my friendships. I mean sure, I have female friends who like me and have put it out in the open, but I reject them and tell them I love my girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Been in your shoes. Not with that petson anymore though I loved her like I had never lived anybody else. Here is a link for you:

link

Many mistakes described I did when I was with her. Because I always got hurt and resentful to her wondering if she was doing all of it on purpose. I failed to truly understand that all she did was because of her own pain inside. Time to time I was handling it well, most time not. It's not my fault, I'm a secure and successful person. But knowing what I know now I truly believed we could have work much better if I had that knowledge back then.

In any case that's my message to you. Do not take it personally, it has nothing to do with you. If in your mind you don't usually get hurt by her actions because you KNOW it all comes from her pains and problems inside, you stand a much better chance in your telationship with her.

No matter what, it's a part of her that is there and it will destroy the relationship if it affects you negatively. Give it a try, see it as a challenge to better yourself in any case, no matter what happens. You can't control how she feels, but you have a much better chance of influencing how it all make you feel. After a little while, if it makes you unhappy and the relationship is suffering a great deal from it, think about explaing that to her and let go. You deserve happiness. If you manage to overcome it quite well, well I'll be very happy for you both!

[SkinnyG]

Did she have a bad experience with a guy? It almost sounds like some baggage from another relationship.

You need to sit her down and tell her that this behavior is going to start pushing you away. That it hurts you that she thinks you are so shallow that you would cheat on her. If you were going to date these girls that are your friends, you would have done it a long time ago but you are not attracted to them that way. She needs to become friends with your friends that are girls so she will see there is not reason to be concerned. You're not some kind of horn dog that you try to pick up girls whenever you're not with her.

If you really value your relationship and want to stay with her, she's going to have to get a grip on her jealousy problem.

[Zimbo113]

It might be unfair to me, but I'm a pretty strong romantic. I really love having a relationship and taking care of someone, and although it frustrates me that she gets so upset and I lose friends, I ultimately see them as expendable if I have to do it to be with her. So I guess, right now it isn't so much pushing me away as it just confuses are irritates me. Its unhealthy for her as well. I'm just worried these actions with have a negative effect on her and possibly escalate.

[SkinnyG]

Then the only thing you can do for now is constantly re-assure her. Call her when you're out and let her know what you're doing. Tell your girl "friends" to stop texting you for a while or don't answer their texts. I've seen this before and it takes time to get over being jealous for some people. Sometimes a couple of years until they really understand that nothing is going to make you stray. But I've also seen it push the other person away 'cause they end up not being able to take it.

[anony84]

Better to dump her and find a less psychotic one.

I realize that sounds harsh but if her personality is like this naturally, then there is not much you can do to change it. It's not a matter of you making her feel insecure - sometimes it is that yes and all the guy has to do is let the girl see that she can trust him over time. But in your case, it sounds like her own mental problem or trust issues or self confidence issues and I do not think that is something you can fix. Perhaps a counsellor or psychologist can.

[cedebee]

girls can be bitchy and are these girls ex girlfriends or if they fancy you put it the other way round would you be OK with her chilling with her ex boyfriends or boys that fancied her try inviting her out with you like with all your friends and all your girl friends introduce her as your girlfriend and get her to be friends with your friends too don't push her out doesn't make her a syco she's ovbs just loves you a lot other girls can be bitchy too and wind each other up by flirting

[acat321]

She sounds crazy and controlling. I couldn't handle that.

[sixstring]

Sounds like a deal breaker to me.

[Zimbo113]

Well I mean, if I wanted to get some other women around just in case, maybe. I just don't really have a desire to play the field because I really love her :P

[sixstring]

It's not about wanting other girls. It's about her lack of trust and over-possessiveness.