Boyfriend of 2 years doesn't want to see me everyday, we're 20... normal?

[Anonymous]

I know he's a pretty independent guy, but I always thought if your really in love, you'll want to see your partner as often as possible. My boyfriend doesn't feel this way, we see each other 2/3 times a week (for a few hours) on average, and we're at the same university! Don't get me wrong, I'm laid back, encourage him to spend time with his friends and not expecting/wanting to see him everyday. But I know if I left it up to him to arrange things it would be once or twice a week :( (i've always been the arranger/wearing the pants, I talked to him about it ages ago and he said he prefers it like that). Do you think I'm overreacting in wanting to see him a little but more (every other day)/want him to want to see me more or is his behavior normal? He's never sown any sign of being unhappy etc otherwise. Everyone (friends, family) thinks it's strange we don't see each other that much and give me a 'sorry' look when I say I haven't seen him for 3 days.

Updates

+1 y

we do speak everyday otherwise either a quick phonecall or texts.

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+1 y

ugh I don't know whay it's repeating that message lol!

[anthonym]

Hi there!

I think it is normal. I'll give you a little bit of a story on myself. I'm a guy. My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. After one year of being together, we moved in together into a one bedroom apartment.

All was well, but as it seemed it got overwhelming. We did have a fight that lead to us breaking up for a little over 3 months. In the time apart, my heart broke into tiny pieces, and I am slowly picking them back up, and piecing them back together.

We are back together now, and (after having seen her every day, as we lived together), we now only see each other 3-5 times per week. I guess its something I am going to have to get used to, and as given my current situation I can't be picky. It was a very big ask of my partner to give me another chance to prove to her that she is the only thing worth living for in my life, and I would do absolutely anything I possibly could to make her happy.

We don't see each other every day, but we do text and sometimes talk on the phone. I am just really happy that we are back together.

I think relationships work if they are meant to, and if they aren't meant to you just know it. Its a feeling you get, and vibes you can usually read from your partner, weather it be in actions or words, or non actions or words.

Its still taking my partner time to work on mending the bridges with me; Its still a little fragile with the word love, but I am certain that in the end things will work out just how they are meant to.

So my advice for you would be to live life, you're only young. There is plenty of time to settle down and find that special someone, and even if this one is that special someone, he might not know just what he has actually got in his hands just yet.

I didn't realise until the day my girl walked out on me. I spent days on end crying and kicking myself, but in the end, it was all worth it. I love her now more than I have ever loved anyone ever before.

I hope that I can help you, and please feel free to email me if you want to have a chat.

MSN or email anthonym AT ezehost DOT com DOT au.

[Jhome17]

Hmm, I think if you're in any type of relationship you need to be upfront about your expectations, needs or wants beforehand. If you are going to move forward in a relationship you both need to start on the same page period, communication is key. Another thing, it's all about the investment. You know straight up, what you're willing to invest in one another, so no excuses. If I'm going to commit to a woman, that woman is going to be #1. If she's not a top priority why waste my time, moving on. This is why I think younger guys are lacking, have you noticed younger women cozying up to older men. Because they are willing to put time into that woman, get a clue fellas, warm up to it. I think you could even say the same for some women. Bottom line is, spending time together is needed. We have to be able to compromise, and honestly if you don't look forward to your woman now before you're married then when the $&@! are you going to looking forward to spending time with her. If you don't want to now, let a real man step in your place and treat her how she wants to be treated, vice versa as well.

[lovergirl03]

Hey girl,

I'm in the Same situation as you are, the only difference is, my guy has school odd timings than me, and we go to different campus, plus his work and other stuff, but he does his best still. For your guy, he might have other things going on possibly, stuff at home, or work perhaps? or maybe when he's not being able to se you even being at same Uni, perhaps his studies are keeping more busy. You 2 should have a talk, if you won't tell him how you feel thru this behaviour of him, he won't come to realize. Remeber, I've expreicned it too, guys feel different than we do, (its not a bad thing) that's how they are, you need to make him realize that he has Someone in his life too, more than the work around him that want him. Hope this help.

[drinkthek00laid]

Hey. the same exact thing was happening to me. He was extremely loyal.. we'd text everyday. But he'd never go on the phone with me or see me as much as I wanted because of work and school. It was ridiculous. He's very much a loner and extremely independent and we ended up breaking up after 3 years. It just wasn't enough to see him twice a week.. it was absurd. I don't think it's fair to you and I think you can do much better.

[bean87]

i think its a little strange as I spend sooo much time with my bf,ifwe have days apart we miss each other we might be in the extreame and I'm surprised we don't fight more spending so much time together! but I think he should make more of an effort to dedicate specific time to just you and him and you should'nt have to initiate it all the time.

[Brent25]

i thinkkk that its kinda werid that he wouldn't wanna see you more often. like when I started reading the story I was like okkk like maybe he's working a lot or sum but now that I finished the whole tihng I think that its rly werid that you guys only see each other like 2 times a week especially if ur at the same university.. cus then it would b liek sooo easy to see you more.. I think the guy is cheating on u. does he call you everyday at least.. why would you guys only spend a few hours together. I think he's cheating or he's just very very independent. demand more time!

[Anonymous]

i can see where your boyfriend is coming from. my girlfriend wants to see me everyday and i feel SO suffocated. She seems to think because im not actually doing anything productive it means i want to see her. Some days i want to just sit and watch tv or play video games. When she goes to work she wants me to email her the whole time and she calls me on her breaks. When i go out with friends she wants to drive me and my friends there and gets really pissy when i dont want her to. She thinks that when she can't see me that im so upset about it and that i share her need for constant contact but in reality i really like it when she goes out or is at work because i actually have two seconds to think for myself. Weve been together for two years and nothings ever changed and im getting really tired of it.

[DZSIN]

I am in the exact same situation!!! everything you've said is exactly what i am experiencing with every little detail. How old are you?

[tamilans555]

@DZSIN I was in the same situation for 3 years and it eventually lead me to disliking any time I spent with my girlfriend. If you're feeling suffocated, I would be honest and truthful with her about how you need "me time" to stay sane. Otherwise she will only begin to drive you crazy and you'll end up drifting further and further apart in the ways you do not want. It's a hard conversation to have but one that needs to happen if you want your relationship to continue for the long term... otherwise it will never fix itself.

[mai_amer]

are you guys still together? i’m scared i’m doing this to my boyfriend if a year and a half we’ve been seeing each other everyday and it hasn’t been a problem until we started fighting a lot but we still see each other everyday but not as long and haven’t been fighting ! but he still wants days to himself and i want him to i’m just scared it’s his way of slowly wanting to distant himself from me :( he tells me that’s not true and gets mad so i want to be understanding and take it as him just genuinely wanting him time but i can’t help but overthink

[Anonymous]

I'm 28, I've been seeing my Girlfriend for 7yrs with a one year break in the middle (long story). I can sometimes go for 3 days without seeing her. We both still live separately (I live by myself, she lives in a share house with a girlfriend). We both enjoy our own space.

[Anonymous]

yes, and consider yourself lucky. if you see to much of each other you will fight all the time.